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Crock, 3/2/26

The comic strip Crock and I have long-running and mutual antagonism, so I am generally reticent to say nice things about it, but I do occasionally think them. Like sometimes I think, “Crock sucks, but unlike Marvin, it doesn’t really do gross-out bathroom jokes.” Alas, I was mistaken! Here’s a comic about how the cook at the local fancy restaurant used to piss and/or shit in the food.

Luann, 3/2/26

Ah, yes, Luann’s mom correctly sees her sexual and family history as being of a kind with other roles that define her economic relations with others, a truth as obvious for all of us as it is taboo to speak about. I’m glad someone in this family knows what’s up (other than Toni, who is clearly the smartest as she managed to avoid this get-together entirely).

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/2/26

Oh, shit, oh crap, this is it, Rex Morgan, M.D., has been fully hollowed out and occupied by the roots country crowd and they’re about to formally seize control of the strip, they’re gonna make Rex put on some dumb retro cowboy outfit and go up on stage so they can jeer at him

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Herb and Jamaal, 2/25/26

I assumed those plewds were supposed to be sweat, but then Herb mentions “crying” in the last panel and that sets up a much funnier possibility, which is that they’re tears and he’s fully dissociated from himself, his body weeping openly due to stress and unexpected exertion but his mind managing to hold a coherent conversation for at least a few minutes, before he presumably shuts down entirely.

Judge Parker, 2/25/26

Not satisfied with all the people she killed in the massive explosion that heralded her arrival, April is now straight-up gutting a dude like a fish, right in front of her beloved, soft-handed husband. Weird how the awful last sound the guy will ever make is exactly the same one that Charlie Brown makes when he tries and fails to kick a football that Lucy is holding, honestly!

Luann, 2/25/26

This one could have been drawn to make it clear that Frank is chuckling ruefully over his unrealistic youthful fantasies and obviously realizes now that being a faithful husband and father is more rewarding than some burnout musician lifestyle. But that is not his facial expression at all. He still 100% wishes he was in a band and resents every single person in this room for holding him back.

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The Phantom, 2/20/26

Many years ago, the Jungle Patrol was all-male, until early 2008 when it got gender-integrated by a plucky lady cop/waitress duo. How’s that working out? Well, this young female officer is busy kicking a would-be warlord in the face, so that’s good, and the Patrol’s Unknown Commander is just kind of sitting there watching with a little smile on his face, which is a little unsettling. Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who’s the product of a 22-generation eugenic breeding program and who lives in Africa and wears a skintight spandex suit constantly?

Luann, 2/20/26

Speaking of sexual bits that newspaper comics have been doing since George W. Bush was president, Luann is doing a tale of ribaldry about Tiffany and Ox (he’s a new-ish character and his thing is he’s a gentle giant, don’t worry about it) washing Ox’s rescue puppy and getting deliciously wet in the process and I can’t believe I just typed that, gross. Anyway, I’m mostly posting this because I think the panel where Ox is sticking the hair dryer up his shirt is pretty funny. It’s just a weird angle! He’s warming his belly button specifically! Is this sexual, for him? Is it even possible to understand what “sexual” means for a guy who is a character in Luann, a realm beyond the sexuality event horizon where horniness is distorted by extreme levels of gravity into formations that scientists can’t even begin to describe?