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Luann, 4/29/08

You know what? I like Gunther. You know, he’s dorky, and he’s even got some hobbies (like sewing) don’t seem cool even to other dorks, but he also seems totally comfortable with who he is, something I wish that my dorky high school self could have been. His little speech to Luann in panel two is both eminently sensible and very sweet.

…and then, of course, he pulls out the horrifying fetishistic pig head. You just know there’s a ball gag behind that snout. Next come the handcuffs.

Slylock Fox, 4/29/08

Yeah, laugh it up, birds! You know, poor Baldy McMustache has a dull office job that crushes his soul, and the only thing that keeps him going is his hobby watching the beautiful birds as they fly and sing in his yard. Maybe he just wanted to make the yard a little more inviting for you, to give a little something back for the hours of happiness he’s gotten from bird-watching. Sure, he doesn’t have particularly good carpentry skills, but it’s the thought that counts! The least you could do is coo politely. But no, you just have to humiliate him in front of his kid. Well, I hope you like poisoned birdseed, you ungrateful feathered bastards, because you’d better believe that’s what’s going into the feeder tomorrow morning.

Judge Parker, 4/29/08

I don’t mean to take anything away from No-Legged Steve’s awesome lawyering skills, but it’s easy to do a week’s worth of work in a day when you had your morning coffee a month ago. In fact, by my reckoning, Steve could have actually done four times as much legal eaglin’ as he actually pulled off! Way to go, slacker.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/18/08

Man, Mr. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT just will not let up, will he? At least he’s now gone to a we’re-all-in-this-together scheme with a first person plural rather than an accusatory second person, but he’s still damn annoying. I think Skinny Coroner Guy’s MRSA advice is just an excuse to throw bleach at Yelly McShouterson and then “limit contact” with his fists.

It’s possible that our volatile vested fellow just uses this catchy phrase as his catchphrase in any and all situations. Those of you who are better than me at using Photoshop might enjoy exploring the different people and things he’s shouted HOW ARE YOU GOING TO KILL IT at, like so:

Luann, 4/18/08

I just want to point out that Luann and her mother are both ignoring that the Standard Creepiness Rule for dating age differences, as canonically described in this xkcd comic, allows for a larger age gap as both parties get older. Thus, it’s creepy for a 21-year-old to date a 16-year-old (those are my assumptions about Luann and Ben’s ages), but it’s not creepy for, say, a 30-year-old to date a 24-year-old, or a 45-year-old to be married to a 33-year-old. Sorry, Luann, you’ll just have to wait until you grow up.

(OK, mostly I just wanted to link to xkcd. It’s great! You’ll love it!)

Ziggy, 4/18/08

Wow, somebody doesn’t understand how computers or video games work at all. It’s even less athletic than you think, dude.

Apartment 3-G, 4/18/08

Man, leave it to Apartment 3-G to make even the hot girl-on-girl action boring. Please, Gabriella, this eyebrow-peck is hardly gasp-worthy.

I know I shouldn’t be looking to Lu Ann for a firm grasp of economics, but isn’t the whole point of keeping the number of prints limited to drive the price up? It’s supply and demand, just like we learned about in Curtis the other day. She’d just be encouraging her initial buyers to get rich in the resale market, if her paintings were any good.

Gil Thorp, 4/18/08

And if there’s one group who learned the hard way that you shouldn’t pay for genetic engineering unless you have the money to do it right, it’s the lumpy, mutated flipper-people of Gil Thorp.

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Hi and Lois, 4/4/08

Hi and Lois is the last strip you’d expect to see bucking any sort of comic convention or cliche. But usually when a comic strip mom discusses the withering of the last few social institutions that keep high school from becoming a nonstop orgy, they usually look worried or upset, not like they’ve just taken a large hit of Ecstasy, as Lois does in the first two panels of this strip. Maybe in that way that moms “just want you to be happy,” she’s pleased to know that Chip is experiencing as much sexual pleasure as possible without any of that buzkilling emotional attachment, just like she does with half the neighborhood. Of course, no matter how enthusiastic she is about her son’s slutting it up, she still shows the appropriate amount of outrage over the terrible, terrible “punchline” of the strip.

(Unrelated, but: in panel two, Lois appears to have freckles. Did she always have freckles? Or are they a sign of the new, freaky Lois?)

Luann, 4/4/08

Say what you will about TJ, but the boy never stops thinking strategically. While most guys would have been satisfied to let their roommate rest on his laurels and share some tales of triumph (“A definite, meaningful kiss.” “And that definitely means…?” “Tongue, dude!”), TJ is already plotting to make sure his friend gets to the next level. Brad will touch a boob by 2009 if TJ has anything to say about it!

Marmaduke, 4/4/08

I’m not sure why Marmaduke’s owner is so desperate to believe that he didn’t just come from the museum. If that were the case, at least the original owner of that enormous bone would have already been dead by the time Marmaduke found it. The other possibility is that there’s a freshly killed and dismembered rhino somewhere nearby, probably on her front lawn.

Ballard Street, 4/4/08

Striker may be a whore, but by God he’s not a cheap whore.

Pluggers, 4/4/08

Pluggers know that you have to be ever-vigilant if you want to make sure that nobody leaves the compound.