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Mark Trail, 2/26/20

Good news, everyone! The internet isn’t just for losers who try to chase social media fame, only to die tragically. You can also learn facts about wildlife and cultures (cultures are the wildlife of people!) around the world. Looks like I don’t have to shut down this blog after all. What a relief! Please do not fatally pursue online fame in my comments.

Gasoline Alley, 2/26/20

Wow, Baleen is really shaking things up here at Corky’s Diner! Letting customers know the operating hours? Using the written word as a medium? What will she think of next???

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Funky Winkerbean, 2/24/20

There are some days when I deliberately misconstrue the obviously intended meaning of a comic strip for comedic effect, but then there are others where I just … genuinely … don’t get the joke. Today is one of them! I don’t get the joke in Funky Winkerbean! My only clue is that every joke in Funky Winkerbean is about how we’re all dying, just some of us more quickly than others, so … maybe it’s that the Winkerbeans are too old to drink beer while watching sports anymore so now they’re drinking hot chocolate instead? Feel free to point out how I’m obviously wrong, in the comments, I’m dying to know what’s up here!

Pluggers, 2/24/20

Say what you will about the art in Pluggers, but I think this drawing of the cat-plugger has nicely captured the facial expression of someone on the nonconsensual receiving end of a long, rambling anecdote who has no obvious exit strategy.

Mark Trail, 2/24/20

Speaking of nicely captured facial expressions, Mark is definitely wearing the frozen mask here of someone who expected to get a lot less pushback from his family about the mildly annoying guy that he left to die in the harsh Himalayan foothills. “I don’t know for sure, Cherry,” Mark says, “but he sure posted a lot on Instagram! Isn’t that the real story here?”

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Mary Worth, 2/20/20

So it’s been established that Dawn and Jared haven’t actually seen each other for two years in in-universe time, but Jared’s clearly ready to just jump right back into their relationship as it was, which is to say that he’ll hint very broadly and transparently that he wants to sleep with her and she’ll refuse to acknowledge it. Normally trying to interpret the tone of voice the random bolding in Mary Worth represents is a fruitless task, but I sincerely hope that Dawn here is responding to Jared telling her she’s “looking great” by shouting “I’m missing my BOYFRIEND in FRANCE” as loudly as she possibly can.

Blondie, 2/20/20

It bothers me so much that Dagwood’s interlocutor drops his son’s name in panel one and it never becomes relevant to the joke at all. If you’re trying to do just a general slam on Kids Today with their Phones And Such, you should at least spell it “Jaxon.” Instead, I’m forced to assume this strip is meant as a dig against a specific Jackson in the joke writer’s real life, proving once again that syndicated newspaper comics may have lost their cultural relevance, but they’re still great as a venue where you can air out your petty beefs.

Six Chix, 2/20/20

I’m pretty sure most people would refer to getting up in the middle of the night to have a light meal as a “midnight snack.” “Night eating” sounds clinically detached and honestly horrifying, like something an alien anthropologist would include in its report back to its homeworld on the strange behavior of planet “Earth”‘s dominant species. What I’m trying to say is that if Six Chix was trying to come up with a phrase that made “nunch” sound appealing in comparison, then congrats, they pulled it off.

Mark Trail, 2/20/20

“Or maybe, because we’re apparently about to leave with all camping gear, climbing equipment, sherpa guides, and medical supplies, leaving Harvey, a diabetic amputee, alone on a Himalayan mountainside, he’ll die of exposure in fairly short order. Who’s to say? Life is a mystery!”