Post Content

Mark Trail, 12/9/06

One of the things that Mark Trail is ostensibly supposed to do is to teach young people about the ways of nature. That’s why we’re lucky that no young people actually read Mark Trail because the last thing you really should do if you encounter an injured animal — particularly an injured animal with enormous, powerful teeth that it’s temperamentally prone to going all bitey bitey with — is to pick it up. Fortunately Mark is like a modern-day St. Francis with his animal-charming powers, although somewhat more enthusiastic about punching hillbillies in the face than the good man from Assisi.

At some level, Mark knows that his reckless beaver-handling isn’t a good example for young people. That’s why Rusty has magically transmogrified into a full-grown adult in panels one and three.

Hagar the Horrible, 12/9/06

I could think of any number of mildly amusing punchlines that might have made incrementally but noticeably funnier use of the setup provided here. What appears to have happened is that someone at Hagar Central remembered that, according to the meticulously maintained and elaborate Hagar the Horrible canon, Hagar is actually illiterate, and reference to that fact had to be added in at the last minute lest all the Hagar nerds (chosen name: “Horribles”) tear this strip to pieces on the many, many Hagar fan sites.

Popeye, 12/9/06

So, yeah, Popeye’s been doing this “Olive Oyl is jealous of Sweet Pea and also just sort of in general” storyline for, like, months and months and months, which has mostly been unworthy of mention, until today when we get Olive contemplating “dating” a gorilla, which I, uh, thought worthy of mention.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/9/06

Niki, I warned you that “bad June” would be back before too long. If “painting the garage” is anything like “cleaning the basement,” a euphemism thought up by Mrs C. and her filthy-minded college friends, Niki had better hope that his jaw is back in top shape.

The Family Circus, 12/9/06

There’s something unspeakably creepy to me about Ma Keane standing in the doorway in the background of this scene, looking on at these crimes against pretend medical science silently and expressionlessly. It’s as if she’s watching another step in an unfathomable and long-running plan of her own design playing out. I’m not sure what that plan is, but it’s a good guess that it involves somebody’s freakishly oversized head being split open.

Spider-Man, 12/9/06

Later, after the drama is resolved: “Yeah, honey, it was reverse psychology! Yeah, that’s the ticket.”

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 12/8/06

This is just more evidence of why everyone hates Sean Pettibone. Stormy was just about to finally make his move, now that the object of his repressed homoerotic longing is literally unable to run away, and then BAM! Sean cock-blocks him with the classic “pamphlets about the Paralympics downloaded from the Internet” maneuver. Damn you, Pettibone, it was Stormy who carried Bill to safety, and Stormy who’s going to be there for him when he gets that gold medal! Now back off!

Beetle Bailey, 12/8/06

If you had asked me to guess which media outlet would be the first to reveal the existence of the terrifying, clandestine, black-clad paramilitary forces the Pentagon is using to eliminate its critics at home and abroad, I wouldn’t have said Beetle Bailey, that’s for sure.

Mary Worth, 12/8/06

AHHHH OH MY GOD TERRIFYING LEAD-HUED FLOATING GIANT ELLA HEAD SCARY SCARY SCARY!

Mark Trail, 12/8/06

AAAHHH OH MY GOD TERRIFYING EXTREME RUSTY CLOSE UP SCARY SCARY SCARY! I sure hope Mark’s “nature journalist” gig comes with insurance coverage for orthodontia.

Post Content

Monday and Tuesday comics coming later today, I swear, but to tide you over, I present some troubling evidence sent to me by readers.

First off, faithful reader David was alerted to troubling doings in Mark Trail by co-worker Joe Krocheski. No, I’m not talking about poaching, bear abuse, or wandering beavers; it’s much more sinister than that. Here’s the November 15 and 27 strips:

And I thought it was just the plot that was giving me deja vu.

Then there’s the e-mail I got from faithful reader Daijinryuu in regard to Sunday’s Family Circus:

Just within the last week, I stumbled upon a rather horrible, crazy-beyond-the-telling-of-it manga called “The Family Zoo,” which shares rather … striking similarities to this. Dad is an elephant, Mom is a giraffe, the two brothers are a monkey and a lion respectively. The only thing different is that the daughter is being portrayed as an ostrich instead of a snake. Also, Grandpa’s a toilet. It involves bestial incest and, um, toilet use.

He provided the link to download it, which I provide to you, but WARNING WARNING WARNING: it’s really really gross, with the pooing and the coprophagia and the incest and the lion penises and the hey hey. But if you want to appreciate the link-up with the Family Circus, here ya go. Faithful reader Sincere also posted a link in the comments to one of yesterday’s posts, but Daijinryuu pointed it out to me first (not that it’s a race or anything).