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Mark Trail, 12/20/19

Oh my gosh we’re wrapping up this week with a VICIOUS BEAR ATTACK!!!! And, folks, I don’t want to bring anyone down but … it’s clear that literally everyone in this strip is going to be killed by this bear. I mean, look how close they all are to it. Genie’s face is twisted in terror and possibly pain; if that huge claw, just inches from her body, hasn’t already sliced her open, it surely will on the next swipe. Mark, sadly, is just reflexively barking out nature facts; his expert ID of the bear’s species will be the last thing he ever says. Mingma and Dr. Camel are both trapped under the wreckage of this hiking station, and my main question about them is: whose leg is this?

If it’s Dr. Camel’s, it’s horribly twisted in his hip joint, and if it’s Mingma’s, it’s clearly been snapped off entirely. Either way, both men only have seconds left to live. Not-Mingma will be spraying a cloud of bear repellant behind him as he flees into the mountains, leaving a scene of absolute carnage behind him. Presumably the next day or two will serve to wrap everything up, the Sunday strip will be dedicated to bears and their propensity for eating human flesh, and then that’s it: RIP Mark Trail, 1946-2019, it’s been a real one.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/20/19

Meanwhile, Funky Winkerbean is here to show Lillian why her book events are so sparsely attended: instead of writing some piece of shit mystery novel that nobody liked, she should’ve done a graphic novel about her beloved spouse dying of cancer. That really packs ’em in to the book signings, even literally years after the thing’s been published, and, good news: if they don’t get your cultural references, you can just belittle them right there, giving you a big ego boost! (Gotta wonder what sort of interaction with a clueless youth who showed shocking ignorance of the Lone Ranger and its important place in the American pop culture landscape prompted the run of bitter “kemosabe” jokes in this strip, but that’s neither here nor there.)

Pluggers, 12/20/19

I’m genuinely touched by the delicate, almost reverent way this plugger is holding those fuzzy dice as he carries them to their final resting place, presumably a dumpster behind the local Carl’s Jr.

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/18/19

Barney Google was absent from his namesake strip for literally decades, but he started making occasional appearances back in 2012 that have become frequent enough that his presence in the strip — and in Hootin’ Holler — have ceased to be noteworthy. Why, he’s even participating in the ordinary of rhythms of the community, by, for instance, getting the absolute shit beat out of him for no good reason, it’s just a thing people do out here, we guess.

The Lockhorns, 12/18/19

The thing I love about this panel is how comprehensively miserable Leroy looks. Like, do you think he wants this? Do you think he wants any of this? But despite Loretta’s snide remark, he knows his duty. He’s going to wrap up that box of tube socks and give them to somebody, by God. Don’t let anyone say he didn’t do what was expected of him, even though it kills him inside.

Mark Trail, 12/18/19

The “proof” Harvey is talking about is definitely yeti turds, right? Harvey’s gonna make Mark look for yeti turds? Very excited for the rest of this week!

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Dick Tracy, 12/15/19

Yesterday we learned that Splitface, who used to be Haf and Haf and who also used to work as a carny, also used to work at the zoo, and this alligator, to whom he intends to feed all of our heroes, is an old pal from the carny days. For a strip that generally rushes through things and doesn’t really supply a lot of motivation for what characters do, we’re getting, like, too much backstory on Splitface and his relationship with various reptile co-workers for my taste, honestly. Hey, did you know he used to be Haf and Haf? True story.

Mark Trail, 12/15/19

So it turns out that yeti do in fact whistle, so Mark probably heard one last night, which revelation has caused Dr. Camel’s mighty, braying laugh to echo off of the distant Himalayas! Anyway, I have fully forgotten what Genie’s deal is, since she first showed up spouting fun Kathmandu facts. Like is she Dr. Camel’s longtime assistant, who has finally come round to being sick of his shit, or is this expedition her first experience with him, in which case she’s gotten sick of his shit fairly quickly? I guess the important, and hilarious, thing is that she and Mark have become visibly sick of his shit more or less at the exact same time.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/15/19

God knows I would almost never take the side of a Funkyverse character doing wordplay, but I dearly wish Becky would say, “Hey, man, didn’t you go ironically deaf and quit as band director more than ten years ago? Pretty sure ‘music director’ was a make-work job they came up with to ease you into retirement and you’re supposed to be puttering around the Board of Education offices downtown, not sitting at a desk immediately behind me for no good fucking reason, right here, in the band room, during band practice, which, I can’t emphasize enough, you can’t hear well enough to be helpful.”