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Dick Tracy, 5/11/19

Oh hey, turns out I got bored with Dick Tracy’ Minit Mystery when it suddenly became be less about municipal politics and more about a leftist radical cop killer for hire (?) who killed a lady cop and that led to the local police apparatus violently cracking down on all local organized crime in civil rights violating ways, but now it turns out that, oops, the real cop killer was the lady cop’s husband! “Oops,” says Dick, “I was so obsessed with gangsters that I forgot that 55 percent of women in the U.S. are killed by intimate partners, which you’d think would be a stat at the top of your mind if you’re a person who solves murders for a living. Anyway, sorry about all the organized crime prosecutions we screwed up, by arresting a bunch of gangsters without warrants for no good reason.”

Gil Thorp, 5/11/19

Oh, hey, turns out that once the softball team got super into having interests outside of school, everyone wanted to get in on the “having outside interests” action, which they dubbed as “being too cool for school,” for some reason. Anyway, today’s the day when this relatively harmless trend pivots to becoming the ideological core of a revolutionary vanguard party!

Mark Trail, 5/11/19

Oh, hey, turns out that buzzing sound in Mark Trail was, as I predicted, bees. Bees, everyone! Ha ha, Mark is running away from a bunch of bees!

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Hagar the Horrible, 5/8/19

I guess it looks like Merlin is joining the cast of Hagar the Horrible regulars, even though strictly speaking he’s a figure from 6th century Britain and not 10th century Norway. Still, this strip fits in well with the overall Hagar the Horrible milieu: in an era of widespread illiteracy, Eddie’s ability to scratch out a few runes makes him seem almost magical to his fellow Vikings.

Family Circus, 5/8/19

Are those … stink lines coming out of Jeffy’s bowl? Has feeding time in the Kean Kompound devolved so far into chaos that the kids are getting spoiled milk in their breakfast cereal? My god, just think of the farting. The farting. What a nightmare!

Mark Trail, 5/8/19

Doc may be an addled old man who believes in magic gold mines, but you gotta give him this: when he hears what might be a swarm of bees, or maybe an armed Predator drone, he doesn’t stand around like a sitting duck loudly saying stuff like “Hey, everyone, listen to the sound! Do you hear the sound?” or “The sound is a buzzing sound” or “Yeah, what is that sound, the buzzing sound we’re all talking about?” He just throws on his backpack and gets the hell out of there.

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Mark Trail, 5/6/19

Yeah, off the top of my head, it could mean that you’re not in the valley you think you’re in, which means that you’re lost in an arid, hostile environment; or that you’ve time-travelled hundreds of thousands of years into the future, leaving behind everything you’ve ever known and possibly arriving to a world where humanity itself has ceased to exist. Either way, it seems pretty not great!

Blondie, 5/6/19

Based on everyone’s body language in panel two, the “best dream ever” Dagwood had was 100% a sex dream, right?