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Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/24/18

Those of you who are longtime OG Joshreads dot com trufans remember how in the early days of this blog we had a great deal of fun with the Canadian soap opera-ish comic strip For Better or for Worse, and one of the days we had the most fun with it was January 26, 2005, when the strip came up with an inexplicable and hilarious series of words a Canadian tween might use to denigrate a classmate for her promiscuity, the most absurd of which was “roadside.” What I’m trying to say is, the two Hanks have been doing their tour of roadside attractions for weeks, and now Hank Sr. has finally encountered a “roadside” “attraction” in the form of Millie Gray! Sorry, Lefty Gillis, your gal’s about to be swept off her feet by her first love, a big shot horror comics artist who has an RV and everything! Sorry, Hank Jr., you’re gonna have to find a non-RV place to sleep tonight! If this RV is rockin’, it’s a sign that it’s a little unbalanced, so don’t come a knockin’, as it could tip right over!

Mary Worth, 6/24/18

Brandy: A woman haunted by a vague, intrusive fantasy that she’s desperately fleeing from the faceless adversaries trying to track her down and kill her, a woman comforted by the white noise of crashing waves on the beach. Is she the perfect match for a ex-con pill fiend who was wildly incompetent at every aspect of being a drug dealer? Looks like we’re going to find out!

Mark Trail, 6/24/18

Mark Trail wouldn’t be my first guess as to which soap opera strip character would show up with a cherry-picked anecdote to explain that, sure, spicy foods from weird foreign countries are becoming increasingly popular, but they’re probably detrimental to the health of God-fearing Americans and we should stick the flavorless boiled meat dishes our Anglo-Saxon ancestors enjoyed, but, you know what? It’s definitely not a surprise or anything.

Dennis the Menace, 6/24/18

Summoning a pack of neighborhood dogs of all shapes and sizes to do his bidding? Pretty menacing, I would say!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/24/18

“Prototypical persons with NPD present with many interpersonal problems and comorbid disorders, such as depression and bipolar disorder, with consequent increases in risk of suicide, alcohol and substance abuse, and eating disorders” is a sentence from the Psychiatric Times that I’m just going to leave here for no reason!

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Mark Trail, 6/23/18

“I have to say, though, I was expecting Cherry to be here! Just because, uh, I wanted to see her. Definitely not because the sinister nightmarish Old One I serve hungers for the blood of female mortals in particular. [nervous laughter]”

Hagar the Horrible, 6/23/18

“Isn’t he too young to rove along the shores of more civilized Europe, murdering everyone and stealing whatever isn’t nailed down? Don’t you want to break the endless chain of brutality?”

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Gil Thorp, 6/22/18

So here’s the difference between Barry Bader and his dad: Barry has an incredibly abrasive and confrontational attitude all the time, but especially when he’s unloading some truly noxious and self-serving opinions like “Everyone’s pretending Boo Radley was so nice just because she’s dead but actually she was kind of sarcastic” and “Everyone is mean to me because I’m short.” But Del has a much slicker and smoother aspect, even in prison, allowing him to seem somewhat more amiable as he drops truth bombs like “I started the accident, but that other guy finished it” and “D’you ever notice that people find the deaths of innocent teenagers with their whole lives ahead of them particularly repellent?” That’s the attitude that made him the Valley’s number one chemical solvents salesman, right up until he killed someone with his car.

Mark Trail, 6/22/18

Ha ha, Howard Carter certainly is an old tomb raider! Specifically, he was born in 1874, making him 144 years old — quite old indeed! — and the tomb he raided was King Tut’s. Probably he was cursed with one of those ironic immortality deals, but he actually seems pretty chipper at the moment, perhaps because he’s lured another set of sacrificial victims to sate the appetites of the universal Dark Pyramid God he serves. If this story doesn’t climax with the reappearance of “Dirty”’s erstwhile pharaonic pal (surely it takes more than a little light stabbing to dispatch an 4,000-year-old Egyptian God-king) I will be very upset at the missed opportunity!

Pluggers, 6/22/18

Ha ha, it’s funny because pluggers resent their wives and don’t want to spend time with them!

Beetle Bailey, 6/22/18

Ha ha, it’s funny because General Halftrack will soon be shitting uncontrollably!