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Mark Trail, 5/22/18

Wow, Rusty sure looks mournful in that last panel, doesn’t he. “Yeah … he does that kind of stuff. Pushing whales back into the ocean, I mean, instead of leaving them on the beach where certain kids had lured them because they had planned to spell out ‘I THINK YOU’RE NEAT, MARA’ in 20-foot-tall letters made of strips of rotting blubber on the sand. He’s, uh, [suppresses a sob] pretty cool like that.”

Crankshaft, 5/22/18

One of the less fun running jokes in Crankshaft is about how Lena, Crankshaft’s wholly pleasant co-worker, is held in cruel contempt by everyone she works with for no discernable reason. You’ve probably enjoyed the fun stylings of “Lena is belittled for her failures as a bowler,” and so now buckle in for “Lena is belittled for her failures as a golfer,” which is exactly the same as the bowling thing except somehow even less interesting.

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Dick Tracy, 5/21/18

Diet Smith has long had a cozy relationship with the Neo-Chicago police force that amounts to a local microcosm of the military-industrial complex. This has become more obvious as the decades have worn on: what used to be gee-whiz futuristic high-tech, like tiny wrist-sized communicators, are now available as commodity hardware manufactured in China, so presumably only the kickbacks Smith Industries sends to City Hall and the Police Benevolent Association keeps him in business. But even when this strip started running in the 1930s you could just buy a gas mask from any speciality store. It can’t be worth Diet’s efforts to actually manufacture the things, so I assume he’s just buying them in bulk, selling them to the cops at insane markups, and setting up some kind of branding program where the cops are contractually obligated to announce his name during police raids as a final insult.

Mary Worth, 5/21/18

For fans of Wilbur channeling Sally Field yesterday, good news: he has not yet begun to self-actualize. A little good luck and a single hour of therapy behind him and Wilbur has swung from cliffside drunk depression to manic glee, and in today’s second panel appears to be transforming into some kind of superhero whose main power is wholly unjustified self-esteem.

Mark Trail, 5/21/18

GUYS SHE’S RIGHT THERE, LIKE FIVE FEET AWAY, JUST BECAUSE SHE’S NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT DOESN’T MEAN SHE CAN’T HEAR YOU

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Mark Trail, 5/19/18

Hey, now, Mister Eyebrows, Mark just showed up and helped everybody push a big whale into the water, but he never proved that he actually knew what kind of whale it was! Don’t back down now and show weakness in front of your fellow tourists! Make him look it up on Wikipedia and show you the pictures at least. Ugh, if this guy gets any more submissive he’s going to start grooming Mark, although I guess his smooth, hairless torso leaves nowhere for ticks and other parasites to nest.

Mary Worth, 5/19/18

Oh no. Oh, this isn’t … this isn’t real, guys. I’m sorry, I know we all want the best for Wilbur, but nobody is demanding Wilbur’s return. This is a guided visualization at his shrink’s, or he’s gone into a happy fugue state, or something. This can’t be happening. It can’t be.