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Apartment 3-G, 2/16/08

Rainy day fun activity: Stage a reading of this Apartment 3-G, doing all of Alan’s lines in a comical, overblown cartoon drunk voice. Endless amusement for the whole family!

Beetle Bailey, 2/16/08

A touching and amusing domestic scene at home with the Snorkel-Baileys!

Marmaduke, 2/16/08

Marmaduke has ruled his neighborhood like an angry and vengeful god for so long that the neighbors pass the time between maulings by coming up with philosophical questions about his near-omnipotence.

Pluggers, 2/16/07

Pluggers are so wholly sedentary that if they quietly died, it would take hours for anyone to notice.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/16/08

AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH

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Spider-Man, 2/12/08

Say, have you ever wondered what it would have been like if Casablanca ended not with Rick shooting Major Strasser and Captain Renault covering up for it, but with Rick hitting him in the back of the head and barely knocking him unconscious, after which the two of them just jauntily walk off to enjoy their last few hours of freedom before being sent to a concentration camp? Well, today’s Spider-Man is for you, sort of!

This is not to say that Spider-Man is a Nazi, as my scenario would imply. The Nazis may have been the most evil regime in history, but at least they did stuff. If all Hitler did was sit around watching TV and complaining about the Jews and their terrible sitcoms, the world would be a much better place.

Marmaduke, 2/12/08

Since there’s no way an actual plunger could be holding a bone in place like that, I’m going to guess that the problem found by Aace Plumbing is that Marmaduke’s family’s “plunger” is actually a ghastly trophy made out of a human femur. Possibly the femur of the last plumber who got too nosy.

Gil Thorp, 2/12/08

Well, now we know: Andrew Gregory is Tyler Jay with a longer head. The spit-curl resemblance is really uncanny; perhaps this is the haircut assigned to all new mentally unbalanced Gil Thorp characters. In panel two, the A-Train actually appears to be literally unbalanced as well, covering up his inability to stand up straight with his usual demented patter.

Judger Parker, 2/12/08

For those of you not following along with Judge Parker at home (and really, who could blame you if you aren’t), Gloria is giving Sam a more or less accurate recap of the story of How Steve Lost His Legs, as told to her by Steve in detail, which recounting we saw in this very comic strip mere days ago. I look forward to seeing Sam tell Abbey next week, who’ll tell Biff Dickens, who’ll tell his wife, and so an and so forth. It’ll be like a game of telephone, only this is Judge Parker, so it’ll be a boring game where the information doesn’t get changed in the retelling.

Garfield, 2/12/08

Comics in which Garfield drolly remarks on his sodomization by ice-cold thermometers = comedy gold. I’m totally serious about this.

Mark Trail, 2/12/08

yes bears bears bears bears RISE UP AND DEVOUR YOUR HUMAN OPPRESSOR, MY URSINE FRIEND

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Apartment 3-G, 2/4/08

For the uninitiated, panels two and three are a good introduction to our gal Magee, revealing her to be a lovely and charming combination of Hermann Göring and P.T. Barnum. I wasn’t even aware that Lu Ann had shared her deranged oxygen-deprived series of hallucinations (or were they hallucinations? DUN DUN DUNNNHHHH) with her roommates, but assuming she did, it’s not at all surprising that Margo would chose to use that knowledge to publicly humiliate her for financial gain. The great thing about exploiting Lu Ann is that she was already kind of dumb even before the carbon monoxide poisoning played hell with her memory, so Margo can just claim that she’d already signed off on this publicity campaign months ago and she’ll probably buy it.

For Better Or For Worse, 2/4/08

THE FACE, MEREDITH, GO FOR THE FACE! I love how quickly Mike has given up hope of stopping his progeny from battling it out with razor-sharp kitchen utensils; now he seeks merely to level the playing field. I’ll give this to him, though: just one afternoon where one of his kids blinds the other one and he’ll never be left in charge of them by himself again.

Marmaduke, 2/4/08

I have to admit that I had always assumed that, when Marmaduke finally mastered the English language, he’d be a lot more threatening in his use of it. For instance, I’d have imagined that what he’d have written in the snow here would have been more along the lines of “YOU HAVE TO COME OUT SOMETIME AND WHEN YOU DO YOU’RE MINE.”