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Marvin, 12/16/16

This isn’t the sort of thing I usually advocate, but … if we sent this comic to the NRA, do you think it could get several thousand angry letters to the editor written that would end Marvin’s weaponized poop jokes, forever? Just spitballin’ here.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/16/16

You know, we make jokes about how Funky Winkerbean is just unrelentingly grim nonstop, but there are always new frontiers to explore! I mean, years ago one of Les’s student’s tried to kill herself because Les didn’t love her, but she managed to survive and experience the majesty of what adult life has to offer, including being sexually rejected by Les, again, and so we’ve never to my knowledge had an actually successful suicide in the strip. History in the making here, folks! History … in … the … making.

Six Chix, 12/16/16

It seems that snowman season is for some reason extremely traumatic for Friday Six Chik Benita Epstein. Please keep her in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Family Circus, 12/16/16

DOLLY NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING

YOU MAKE A MOCKERY OF GOD’S CREATION

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Marvin, 12/15/16

Finally, Marvin has come up with a running joke that I like even less than the running jokes about Marvin or other characters pissing or shitting: The running joke where Marvin’s dad is all like “haha, wives, amiright fellas?” I think the key to understanding today’s strip, in which Marvin’s dad quips dead-eyed about the power relationships in his marital and professional lives and his resentments appertaining thereto, is the phone his equally stone-faced co-worker is handing him. Notice that it’s a classic phone handset, not a cell phone, and yet there’s no cord attaching it to anything. My guess is that it’s a prop phone, and that these two aren’t in an office at all, but rather on stage at the premiere show for their terrible two-man sketch group, Extremely Hack Misogyny.

Gasoline Alley, 12/15/16

I wasn’t sure exactly where we’d be going with the tale of Chipper the aging physician’s assistant. This is a strip that spent literally eight weeks talking about fucking scrapbooking, so I have to admit that I’m pleasantly surprised that the direction chosen is apparently “Chipper begins his descent into madness.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/15/16

“What I’m trying to say is, if Sarah dies, do you want Linda to be your daughter? I mean, they look a lot alike, and this way you’d get to skip puberty.”

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Mary Worth, 12/10/16

Earlier this week, Mary suggested that the idea that a woman shouldn’t date men significantly younger than them is outdated, sexist dogma — but it was important to analyze your emotional motivations before diving into a sexual relationship quickly after a breakup. Today, Iris muses that the factors that drive us aren’t always cut and dry, and to try to isolate the pure from the petty is fruitless and ultimately paralyzing. This is probably the most emotionally self-actualized Mary Worth storyline in human history, guys!

Marvin, 12/10/16

Speaking of emotional self-actualization, Marvin is still doing jokes about its various characters pissing on things, and frankly doesn’t give a damn what you think about it.

Beetle Bailey, 12/10/16

BREAKING: BEETLE BAILEY ACKNOWLEDGES THAT WOMEN HAVE SEXUAL AUTOMONY, FEMINISM DECLARES DEFINITIVE DEFEAT OF THE PATRIARCHY