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Gil Thorp, 8/30/24

America yearns to know: What’s up with the beloved new character “Torch” in Gil Thorp? Have we figured out if “Torch” is his first name, or his nickname, or his last name, maybe? Well, we haven’t, as it happens, and some people are getting desperate to find out. Rodney Barnes, for instance, is trying to instigate a little on-field fracas, just to see if Gil hits the new kid with a “Mister” so we can find out his surname. Alas, however: Rodney miscalculated and ended up on the receiving end of a “Mister” himself! Ah, well, good try, son. We’ll get this figured out someday, don’t you worry.

Marvin, 8/30/24

“Jordan, you ready to swim in my pool?” “Is the water in the pool going to get befouled by your piss and shit?” “Yes.” “Pass.”

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Marvin and Hi and Lois, 8/24/24

Jeff … Hi … you morons. You idiots. You absolute fools. You’re already looking ahead to the passage of time, to the day when your kids have grown up and this phase of their life and yours is over forever, either with an anticipatory sense of nostalgia (Hi) or a frankly dickish mercenary sullenness (Jeff). But it will never happen. You’re stuck there, with these kids at the age they are, forever. It’s already been decades, but you can’t see it, can’t feel it, can’t know it. But it has been, and it will be. This is it. This is now. This is always now.

Mary Worth, 8/24/24

I guess Ed is cradling his new finacée firmly but gently in his arms to reestablish intimacy after their little dispute, but it really just looks like he’s physically restraining her from rushing to the table and adding yet another color-coded folder to her collection, this one for information on local DJs sorted by price and Yelp rating.

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Six Chix, 8/13/24

“Hey,” you’re probably wondering, “What’s going on with the Tuesday Chik in Six Chix, who last we saw was in a romantic and sexual relationship with a giant sandwich?” Well, bad news: the sandwich has gone back to its “own kind” and is now fucking avocado toast. A sad tale of modern relationships! Should food only date other kinds of food? Well, humans are a kind of food, in certain circumstances, if you think about it. That may sound like stoned dorm room talk, but it’s a real thing I would say, if the sandwich I was in love with was going to leave me and I was desperate to win it back any way I could.

Beetle Bailey, 8/13/24

There’s something really striking about Sarge’s facial expression here, half-earnest, half-vacant. Everything just kind of happens to him, and he’s a little overwhelmed by it. He’s being sent to Hawaii, for work? He has a dog who wears clothes? Neat! But also, what’s next? If he sits very still, maybe it won’t be bad.

Marvin, 8/13/24

Look, I say this as a man who, as 20 years of evidence on this blog amply demonstrates, allows the comic strip Marvin to live rent-free in his head: the comic strip Marvin is, on the scale of entertainment properties, nothing, insignificant, an insect. It definitely is not anything that The Walt Disney Company, in its majesty, would deign to notice, so you could have just gone ahead and said “Disneyland” instead of “Dippyland” here, which certainly would have made this joke work a lot better.