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Beetle Bailey, 2/4/26

Hey! Miss Buxley Wednesday is an honorable tradition, and it was specifically created so that elderly pervert comic strip fans could regularly get hornt up about a crude drawing of a sexy lady in a little black dress! It’s not for insulting Miss Buxley as a bad worker, and then not even showing her in the strip so people can get horny over her. This is disrespectful to Miss Buxley. I mean, doing it the other way is too, I suppose, but this way is disrespectful to the perverts too, and like it or not they keep the comics in business.

Mary Worth, 2/4/26

It’s hard to imagine a meal getting funnier after one of the participants says “Toby, I’m glad Ian finally found peace with your bird,” but then — wham! The waiter shows up with a huge salad and a big slice of pie, apparently to be eaten by two different people at the same time.

Marvin, 2/4/26

Ha ha, it’s funny because soon all of Marvin’s body parts will freeze in the bitter cold, and then eventually his unpleasant parents, who are nowhere to be seen, will be charged with criminal negligence. That’s what we in the Marvin-hating community call a “win-win”!

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Heathcliff, 1/29/26

Grandpa Nutmeg typically gets mad at Heathcliff for failing to deal with his house’s endemic mouse problem, but I actually think his anger is out of place here. The mice are already outside! I don’t think it’s fair to say that mice aren’t allowed to be on your property. The fact that they’re building a majestic snow sculpture that will come to be a widely admired tourist attraction and, eventually, a UNESCO World Heritage Site, is neither here nor there. Let the mice be, Grandpa Nutmeg!

Gearhead Gertie, 1/29/26

Gertie, I don’t mean to step out of bounds here, but if you are unable to experience pleasure or joy knowing that your special interest is out of season, have you considered that you might benefit from therapy? Just like NASCAR heroes Cody Ware and William Byron have? Admitting you need help isn’t an expression of weakness — and you don’t want mental health issues “slowing you down,” if I may speak your language for a moment!

Mary Worth, 1/29/26

“Toby, a longtime resident of Southern California, is inspired to learn Spanish by her new parrot” is a truly amazing place for this storyline to land. We have, I believe, achieved a new level of Peak Toby, and we should all celebrate it.

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Family Circus, 1/27/26

Look, we’re pretty mean to Jeffy on this website, and for obvious reasons: he’s pretty stupid, he’s very annoying, etc. Sometimes, though, we lose sight of the fact that he’s three years old, and those are in fact qualities that most three-year-olds share, so maybe we shouldn’t be so hard on him. On the other hand, he’s extremely smug. Look at that face! What have you got to be so proud of, kid? The finger thing? It doesn’t even make sense. It’s just not something you should feel good about saying. We definitely don’t feel good about hearing it.

Mary Worth, 1/27/26

Oh wow. That “go on” says volumes. This whole parrot business has been an excuse to force Ian into a struggle session about his many shortcomings. Additional parrots will be introduced into the situation until Ian’s mind is completely shattered and Toby can begin the long process of building him back up as someone who’s vaguely bearable to live with.

Blondie, 1/27/26

“I routinely suffer physical abuse that no worker should be forced to bear in a free society! Don’t you read this strip?”

Curtis, 1/27/26

That’s right, Curtis! You’ve killed your beloved! Now you must live with the guilt and shame … forever.