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Gearhead Gertie, 1/23/25

Today’s Gearhead Gertie is actually a pretty great commentary about how modern fandoms of all stripes have slowly transformed from genuine expressions of enthusiasm into parasocial relationships between fans and the corporations that churn out the content they crave. You’d think that a NASCAR superfan would need a drone in order to get views of the race from angles that you simply can’t see on TV or even sitting in the stands. But no, Gertie would simply never dream of violating the sacred media rights agreements NASCAR has signed with their distribution partners FOX Sports, NBC Sports, Amazon’s Prime Video, and TNT Sports. Instead, she’s using the drone to harass the unfortunate workers tasked with delivering the overpriced licensed trinkets that tide her over between officially sanctioned broadcasts of racing action.

Marvin, 1/23/25

I must offer further grudging respect to Marvin for reaching new levels of villainy this week. Sure, “I should get to piss and shit myself as long as I want and that’s my parents’ problem” is grotesque, but it honestly pales in comparison to “Your parents are doing something for you because it makes you happy, which is a psyop. Do not fall for it and express any pleasure whatsoever!”

Mary Worth, 1/23/25

Wait, Jared, are you counting Jess, who you dumped Dawn for, and who I’m pretty sure has never interacted with her before today, as Dawn’s friend? Because I don’t think that really counts! I don’t think you really count, to be perfectly honest.

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Blondie, 1/20/25

The joke here really ought to be that we all know that there are plenty of cereal varieties with marshmallows out there sold in boxes with colorful cartoon art on them, but Dagwood simply doesn’t encounter them anymore, because he’s an adult, plus (and this is where Blondie’s carefully neutral “Oh?” comes in) he doesn’t actually do the grocery shopping so he assumes that because he doesn’t see them, they don’t exist. But given Dagwood’s appetites and predilections, I find it very hard to believe that he doesn’t go to the grocery store daily, wandering the aisles in a sort of dazed mania. Anyway, I do like the box of adult cereal here, which features a picture of a boring middle aged guy with a blank facial expression eating cereal on it. You can almost hear him saying the popular catchphrase, “I am eating this cereal for breakfast, as an adult.”

Shoe, 1/20/25

I’m really liking the Perfesser’s goggle eyes of horror here. Sorry, buddy! You are not excused from single combat with Biz in the rough and tumble marketplace of ideas!

Mary Worth, 1/20/25

Wow, Dawn’s already learned about negging from Dirk, and now the lessons have moved on to gaslighting! Truly a wondrous journey of discovery awaits her.

Dennis the Menace, 1/20/25

Well, I mean, he’s celebrating this birthday and the only people at his “party” are his wife and the five-year-old neighbor kid who he fucking hates, so, yeah, I think the thrill of living is gone for Mr. Wilson generally, Dennis.

Family Circus, 1/20/25

OK, Thel, before you answer this, think carefully: has the children’s religious education to date covered Exodus 22:18?

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Mary Worth, 1/19/25

“Josh,” you’re probably wondering, “how can this storyline about Dawn’s relationship with her new emotionally volatile bully of a boyfriend get any more off-putting?” Well, what if we dragged in her emotionally manipulative creep of an ex, Jared, for good measure? Really loving his thought balloon here: in the Girl Race he and Dirk have cooked up, he’s cheering for his champion the Right Way, while Dirk’s technique is gauche and over the top. Does this presage worse things to come? He’ll hold his counsel, for now.

Dick Tracy, 1/19/25

Sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on how things have been going in Dick Tracy over the past few months, but it turns out that the storyline that appeared to be about some construction industry corruption has ended in … Nazis! Nazis, and the Nazi-curious grandchildren of Nazis, the latter of which are assuming important roles in American business and industry. Dick thought he had defeated the Nazi menace by selling war bonds, but clearly that wasn’t enough.

Hagar the Horrible, 1/19/25

Personally, if I were one of a host of resentful vassals of a rich and powerful duke, I would simply rise up with my fellows and plunder his castle myself. Accepting token bribes from some outside raiders to look the other way so that they could go and seize the duke’s wealth seems like an overly complicated transaction that quite frankly doesn’t adequately reward me and my comrades for our crucial role in how things play out.