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Archive: Mary Worth

146

Using “game” as a verb is a huge red flag, in my opinion

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Intelligent Life, 7/18/25

Look, buddy, John Montagu, 4th Earl of Sandwich, also liked to engage in marathon gaming sessions, but he forced his servants to put nutritious slices of meat between pieces of high-fiber bread so he could keep at it for hours, and he didn’t leave that legacy to the world so you could stuff your maw with unhealthy chips and candy and use your entertainment proclivities as an excuse. Anyway, I was going to say that this lady never asked for any of this information, but I guess she kind of did by remarking on this set of purchases in the first panel. I’ve always assumed that if you work in customer service you want to minimize your interactions with the public to the barest necessity to avoid being subject to these kinds of conversations, though really that’s a good rule for being out of the house and seeing strangers in general.

Mary Worth, 7/18/25

“How wonderful for them! They have their overbearing, mobility impaired father helping them schlep boxes around instead of professional movers, just like everybody dreams about. Welp, smell ya later!”

Wizard of Id, 7/18/25

The final thought balloon here really elevates this one for me. You think this medieval (?) pharmacist (??) is enjoying any of this? Wrong! He’s trapped in a broken system, just like everybody else!

195

Interpersonal relations and their discontents

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Pardon My Planet, 7/15/25

My least favorite Pardon My Planets (which is really saying something) are the “Ha ha, gender relations, amiright folks?” ones, but I gotta say I kind of enjoy the face on the diamond salesman here. He’s like “Ah shit ah fuck this is going south fast, I gotta … I gotta not be here. How can I get out of here without them noticing. Think, man, think.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/15/25

Oh no! Truck’s maybe-son is, like his maybe-dad, a journeyman session musician who hasn’t even gotten the financial benefits of a viral TikTok hit, so he had to shell out for the discount DNA service where you just get back the raw data and have to do the analysis and comparison yourself. Excited for a week of sweaty Googling and increasingly puzzling interactions with ChatGPT!

Mary Worth, 7/15/25

“Now, I, a sixtysomething man, don’t experience emotions at all, of course. Like remember the time you cruised a guy at his own mother’s funeral and then made up a pretext to temporarily dump me so you could date him? Or all the times you rejected my marriage proposals? Or the time you banished me from your condo by taking in a cat? I didn’t feel anything about any of that stuff when it happened, and I definitely don’t feel anything about it now! Ha ha!”

204

Yet more teen action

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Gil Thorp, 7/12/25

Hey, remember when Keri was in horse therapy, for their eating disorder? Well, big news: they took their horse therapist Britney to prom! Is that … ethical? Like, I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t take your therapist to your prom, but is horse therapy really therapy, like in a professional ethics sense? I guess maybe it is, since Britney was accurately able to diagnose Keri as “sad,” even with no horse present. In the end, maybe this is the real reason why you shouldn’t take your therapist to prom: you will end up having to talk about, like, feelings and stuff, right there in your dad’s minivan, when you should be figuring out how to surreptitiously cop a feel.

Archie, 7/12/25

Ha ha, laugh it up if you will, Archie and Betty, but you have probably gotten Jughead into quite a bit of professional trouble, as all the dogs he’s being paid to care for have escaped, possibly running into traffic! Though I guess Jughead should have anticipated this possibility and not have allowed the dogs to gather at the unlocked front door. Frankly, given how crazed this pack seems, they may have devoured him hours ago.

Mary Worth, 7/12/25

Mary looks positively deranged with excitement in this second panel, proving that for her, there’s no more powerful drug than an opportunity to tell her boyfriend that they won’t be spending any time together for a while.