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Shoe, 11/17/25

I was about to get really mad and go on a diatribe about how graves are famously clearly labelled with both the occupant’s name and date of death, but then I realized that this bird lady has been dancing on an unmarked grave, and generally the only way you know the location of an unmarked grave is if you’ve dug it yourself. Years ago, she ambushed and murdered someone in the dark who she thought was Shoe and buried them deep in the woods; she occasionally returns to it to celebrate her victory over her tormentor with choreography, but today she decided to visit some of his old haunts to find out what legacy he left behind, only to be confronted with knowledge that has truly merited the patented Shoe goggle eyes of horror.

Mary Worth, 11/17/25

Uh, excuse me, Narration Box, that’s not just “the veterinarian,” that’s beloved Mary Worth tertiary character/Wilbur’s ex’s new husband, Dr. Ed! And boy, he looks happy, doesn’t he? Maybe it’s because he’s settling into the joy of married life now that the emotionally grueling wedding planning process is over, or maybe it’s just that today for once he gets to offer simple, helpful advice like “add good quality pellets to the food you give him” instead of euthanizing a bunch of dogs. And if his animal hospital is the only local vendor of the parrot pellet brand he recommends, well, that’s just an added bonus.

Hi and Lois, 11/17/25

Look, Lois, you have an infant and cannot be much older than your early 40s, you do not remember when streaking was a fad. Though I guess it’s possible that there’s more of an age gap here than meets the eye and her question isn’t rhetorical. “Remember when streaking was a fad?” asks Lois (born in 1986). “Was it, like, during the first Clinton Administration? I think I have vague memories of it as a kid.” Hi (born in 1967) sighs heavily.

Dick Tracy, 11/17/25

Ha ha yes, the, uh, the Ghost Cat. The … Ghost Cat. The beloved character (?) that we all know (??) and love (???). The cat who’s a ghost, and also, in certain jurisdictions albeit not this one, a duly appointed law enforcement officer. Very normal! Ghost Cat!

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Pardon My Planet, 11/15/25

Truly, this is a dark vision of an alternate timeline where the British won the American War of Independence and brought Patrick Henry and the other revolutionary leaders back to England to be publicly executed for treason. Pretty grim stuff from a strip that has, up to this point, had as its main thesis the proposition that “women be shopping.”

Dennis the Menace, 11/15/25

I love how everyone is just kind of scratching their chins in a quizzical way here. Is there any particular reason he’s telling this to a clergyman? Does that make it more, or possibly less, menacing? Nobody is sure, exactly.

Mary Worth, 11/15/25

Earlier this week, I made a joke implying a budding sexual relationship between Toby and a parrot. This was immature of me and I apologize. In fact, what’s happening is that the parrot is becoming Toby’s first ever real friend, which is infinitely sadder.

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Family Circus, 11/11/25

One of my favorite unintentional running Family Circus bits is when panels drawn decades ago that depict the Keane Kids in a car have seatbelts added in extremely half-assed ways. Just look at that shoulder strap vaguely dangling across Billy’s torso; he doesn’t even appear to have a lap belt, and there really is no way to overemphasize the degree to which none of this setup would restrain him in an accident. Presumably Big Daddy Keane knows this, and is more and more tempted to slam on the brakes and hurl his son towards the windshield as his blather becomes increasingly irritating. If only it weren’t for this blasted traffic!

Hi and Lois, 11/11/25

I was an early advocate for Hi and Lois returning Thirsty to his roots as a comical alcoholic, but even I have to admit that “Eat food? Produced via agriculture? No thanks, I’d rather drink an intoxicating beverage” may be going too far.

Mary Worth, 11/11/25

Similarly, I’ve had no complaints as Mary Worth does more and more animal-themed storylines, but “Ian acquires an erotic rival in the form of a parrot” is probably the point where I would start to register some mild complaints.

Shoe, 11/11/25

“Do you understand how much my spirit yearns to be free of this corrupt matter? Take this knife. Sacrifice the man that clothes me. Do it now.”