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Dick Tracy, 3/17/26

Welp, the huge prison riot/jailbreak in Dick Tracy is winding down, with a lot of bad guys on the loose but the authorities regaining control of the facility. Now, there are lots of narrative reasons why we might start with some guards capturing prisoners in an open field, including one guy kneeling with a gun pointed at the back of his head, and then smash cut to a bunch of bodies under sheets in a similar looking field. But as your Comics Curmudgeon who remembers the old days of cartoonish Dick Tracy ultraviolence, I’m kind of required to guess at the grimmest possible narrative reason.

Hi and Lois, 3/17/26

Man, there are a lot of holidays I’m glad we’re not going to see Thirsty celebrating, I’m just gonna leave it at that!

Mary Worth, 3/17/26

“Yes, we certainly do, Toby! Say, how are your parrots doing? You know, the ones that shit everywhere and almost drove you to divorce?”

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Hi and Lois, 3/10/26

Not sure why everyone in this panel, including the lady behind the ticket desk, looks so God-damned smug. There’s no reason for it, not least because, if Ditto is operating the spotlight, it’s definitely not going to be on Britney. Based on what I’ve seen of his overall competence, they’ll be lucky if it’s even pointing at the stage.

Gearhead Gertie, 3/10/26

Oh, man, Gearhead Gertie died, you guys. She fell thousands of feet into the Grand Canyon and died in a horrible car wreck. I’d say she will be missed, but, honestly, probably not that much. I mean, her husband doesn’t seem that broken up about it, and for good reason.

Blondie, 3/10/26

Ha ha, it’s funny because Dagwood is so terrified of being alone with his own thoughts for even a single moment that his brain will simply spontaneously shut down when faced with the possibility!

Mary Worth, 3/10/26

“Hmm, is it possible that Harvey became enraged and stormed off because my advice was too good?” is absolutely top-notch Mary Worth. I’m standing up at my desk and saluting right now, that’s how incredible this is.

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Hi and Lois, 3/9/26

Happy Monday, everyone! It’s another week and another entry in what’s quickly becoming my favorite genre in the comics: Hi and Lois muses melancholy on a single, ephemeral moment and forgets to deliver a punchline. “Isn’t this what the groundhog predicted?” Hi says, barely audible — but that’s fine, as he isn’t really talking to Lois anyway. “Isn’t it true that none of us can bend Fate to our liking?”

Archie, 3/9/26

Archie is traditionally a happy-go-lucky guy who rarely experiences distress deeper than some minor romantic slight at the hands of one of his two beautiful girlfriends. I’m not saying I like the fact that he’s experiencing some sort of profound mental disturbance right now, but at least it adds a little depth to his character.

Mary Worth, 3/9/26

Oh wow. Oh wow. Exactly the wrong thing to say, Harvey. Mary was going to try to gently guide you away from your current troubles by means of her judicious advice. But now? Now she’ll simply watch impassively as you let your sexual urges and romantic vanity override your good sense and lose everything, until you’ve sent your last bitcoin and abruptly stop receiving blatantly AI-generated photos of a twentysomething gal with a huge rack, until you need to take the bus down to the pawn shop to hock your only remaining cravat. You’ll look up and shout “Save me!” and she’ll look down and whisper “No.”