Archive: Mary Worth

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Dennis the Menace, 4/9/22

If, like me, you have persisted in the stubborn belief against all evidence that the point of Dennis the Menace is that Dennis is a little shit who’s either too mean or too dumb to play by society’s rules, then today’s panel is perfection. I genuinely love everyone’s facial expressions here, which are less comical “Ha ha, that’s our Dennis” and more “Oh fuck oh fuck this little kid ruined a wedding, who even invited him?”

Mary Worth, 4/9/22

Ahh, at last, we’re getting to the true heart of Toby’s discomfort. She managed to snag a drunk old husband who can barely tolerate her and certainly wouldn’t want to have to interact with a child in his own home on a regular basis, which means she’s been given permission to opt out of motherhood. But if she gave in to her forbidden desires for young buck Cal, would he someday seek to sire offspring with her? And, more importantly, would he try to do it in a tree, like a common bird?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/9/22

“No one can know the truth about my mission to raise my arm over shoulder height. This goes against everything the good doctor told me to do, but the stakes are just too high!”

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Gil Thorp, 4/8/22

Gil Thorp generally hews pretty closely to the holy trinity of football, basketball, and baseball/softball, but every once in a while it tries another sport out for size and I always appreciate it. Today the Milford baseballers are coming out to support tennis star Charis (?) Tompkins, and going on a journey of learning about when and where it’s appropriate to cheer in different sports. A fun fact is that my niece was a pretty high-level gymnast in high school and I went to one of her meets once and very quickly discovered that you are not supposed to loudly boo your team’s opponents, who knew, ha ha! You can’t blame me, my sole experience with competitive gymnastics at the time was a 2006 Gil Thorp storyline where one little girl just starts punching another little girl in the face in the middle of a meet.

Mary Worth, 4/8/22

Ha ha, yes, this dream sequence is shaping up to be exactly as bananas as I’d hoped! Cal looming erotically/threatening over Toby, staring into nothing with dead heart eyes, while the salmon sky burns behind him? The best part is that it’s Friday and we’re really just getting started, which I hope means we have another solid week of this.

Hi and Lois, 4/8/22

The newspaper comics are essentially an art form created by, and mostly for, those middle aged and older, so a lot of it ends being about how the kids today aren’t as cool as the kids used to be. Normally that’s not my jam, but I gotta admit, when they’re right, they’re right.

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Mary Worth, 4/7/22

Dream sequence, dream sequence, dream sequence, everybody! You might recall that years ago, during one of her fruitless attempts to psych herself up to dump Wilbur, Estelle had a bizarre dream sequence featuring boxing Wilburbabies, and more recently Dr. Drew had a psychedelic dream sequence where he was stretched to his limit by the women in his life. I can’t wait to see what on-the-nose metaphor Toby’s subconscious is about to serve up! It’s starting out promisingly with a series of nesting gazes: Cal’s affectless face staring out dumbly from the canvas, presumably for Toby’s erotic viewing, except she’s been forced to turn her back on him and lock eyes with her too-curious students. Presumably Helen’s red, demonic face is gazing up at all this, from hell.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/7/22

Fight club, fight club, fight club, everybody! Uh, I don’t have any follow up to that, I just think it’s gonna turn out this guy is part of an underground fight club, run by other guys who won’t take “Can’t this week, I have a rotator cuff injury” for an answer.

Pluggers, 4/7/22

Man, I’m not generally impressed by the insights into the human condition served up by Pluggers, but you have to admit that “At first you’re horny, but eventually you’re just cheap” has a certain bracing veracity.