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Mary Worth, 11/7/21

Like a weird pervert who has become so addled by online pornography that he needs ever more bizarre and tentacle-heavy erotic imagery in order to get off, I feel like my heavy engagement in this current Wilbur storyline is taking me to some dangerous places. Like, I should be absolutely giddy in anticipation of the moment when Wilbur shows up at his “safe space” karaoke lounge only to discover that yet another ex-girlfriend has decided to flaunt the fact that she moved on with someone younger and taller and less bald, but instead I’m actively furious that Wilbur has also recently suffered some professional humiliation and we weren’t shown that in vivid detail. I want to see our man squirming as his boss laughs cruelly at whatever half-baked idea Wilbur came up with, damn it! This is the same guy who signed off on “I Shouldn’t Be Alive!” so you know Wilbur’s proposal was extremely shitty.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/7/21

Today’s Barney Google and Snuffy Smith really clearly illustrates the two main types of readers syndicated newspaper comics have to target today. The throwaway panels have an extremely dumb joke to amuse morons, while the rest of the strip is for people who would smugly think, “Ah, of course, ‘Barney Google (with the Goo-Goo-Googly Eyes),’ the 1923 hit tune with lyrics by Billy Rose! I understood that reference.”

Panel from Slylock Fox, 11/7/21

Obviously there’s some kind of Slylockverse version of the Hayes Code that says that the poor members of Slylock’s Rogue’s Gallery can never, ever win, but God bless Reeky Rat for not just persevering, but attempting to turn one of the main tools of his oppressors — the extremely selective application of animal facts — to his own defense. It’s not working, but I respect him so much.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/5/21

Well, it looks like Griff’s loyalty to his old friend — who was, let’s be real, pretty rude to him when he made a perfectly polite offer to cut Jordan in on some murderous shenanigans for hire — is so intense that he’s willing to blow up the shadowy leader of the cabal he works for, which will probably have any number of negative implications for him professionally and personally in the near to medium term. I do sincerely hope that all this plays out with Jordan and Michelle none the wiser, and they head forward into their married life completely oblivious to the fact that they were almost involved in something interesting happening.

Mary Worth, 11/5/21

Oh hell yes, it’s going to be a karaoke-off for Estelle’s love! Wilbur may not have been able to defeat Zak at Matrix-style kung fu, but now we’re on Wilbur’s own favored turf: the world of song! Will he prevail this time? My guess is not, I think we all assume he’s really bad at singing, right? Libby knows the score.

Dustin, 11/5/21

Dustin’s mom has definitely learned well from her earlier attempt to make conversation with her husband, and now she’s just going to do her best to get through this dinner without talking or responding to him at all. Come on, just keep chewing, keep your eyes locked somewhere around his chin, you can do it, we all believe in you.

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Dick Tracy, 11/3/21

I know I shouldn’t quibble about “realism” in a strip that features a seedy bar called “Bucket of Blood,” one of the patrons of which is a guy named “Bogart the Roach” who’s dressed like [gestures vaguely at today’s Dick Tracy]. But I do find it very funny that Dick has decided that for this undercover assignment, he’s going to don a hoodie, that sleazy garment worn only by known scumbags like Mark Zuckerberg, and he got one the exact same yellow color as his usual trench coat and fedora. Does this compromise the disguise aspect of the outfit? Maybe, but you have to understand this: it’s his signature color.

Mary Worth, 11/3/21

I have to sincerely apologize for assuming yesterday that Wilbur was rejecting Pierre. If I had given it more than 30 seconds of thought, I would have realized that Wilbur is never the rejecter and always the rejectee in any given social situation. Anyway, I think you should absolutely follow your instincts on this one, Wilbur.

Hi and Lois, 11/3/21

Damn, it’s a good thing that only we are privy to the contents of Trixie’s thought balloons, and that Lois has no idea what’s going on in that weird little head of hers, because otherwise she’d be crushed to learn that she has a stupid baby who doesn’t even understand the basics of how our heliocentric solar system works. Look at that innocent smile on her face! She doesn’t realize at all! It’s sad, really.

Dennis the Menace, 11/3/21

I feel like that is a look of genuine pathos on Mr. Wilson’s face that simply can’t be explained away by his foot being asleep. “I know the doctor said to lay of sweets,” he’s thinking, “but I don’t want to lose my leg! I don’t think I can handle it! Martha! Martha!”