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Dick Tracy, 12/20/21

I know I should be focusing on the fact that Blackjack, a member of Dick’s rogue gallery, owned a collection of Dick Tracy memorabilia and Dick promised to look after it when Blackjack went to prison (presumably because Dick sent him there), but it got stolen and Dick feels a genuine sense of personal failure over this, but I’m sorry, I’m very fixated on “that comes later.” Dick really cares about this stolen Dick Tracy collection business! “Sorry, Tess, you get a hug when you do a BETTER JOB scouring the DARK WEB for Blackjack’s stuff. I expect you to sleep on the couch tonight.”

Daddy Daze, 12/20/21

The Daddy Daze daddy is using all the Daddy Daze baby’s clothes for weird, upsetting art projects, and is also just letting the baby pee and poo into nonabsorbent plastic bubble wrap! I’m beginning to think that his divorce may have been too amiable and the Daddy Daze mommy should maybe reconsider their custody arrangements.

Mary Worth, 12/20/21

Mary, that is frankly a lot of words just to say “Damn, the sex must be incredible.”

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Mary Worth, 12/18/21

I may have said this before, but I feel like the new-model Mary Worth doesn’t have quite enough nose visible when she’s looking straight at the reader — or, as in this case, when she’s looking straight at the reader in Wilbur’s mind, which may indicate that he’s imagining her looking at him? Anyway, like I said, not enough nose. Like Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort. Maybe the fact that she’s appearing here in Wilbur’s imagination shows what he really thinks of her, ha ha! “Can’t wait to get on a cruise ship with my lady, who’s mine forever now, and abandon our pets to the meddling old biddy who browbeat her into getting back together with me! See ya, snake lady, I’m gonna have ocean sex!” Anyway, confidential to Estelle: international waters are a great place to murder somebody.

Crock, 12/18/21

A thing I enjoy doing sometimes is trying to figure out the chain of thought that produced a particularly lame or weird punchline in a comic. Like, today’s Crock: did this start off as a holiday-themed gag, like someone tried to think of what a guy named Kyle (?) would have for Christmas dinner and came up with “pigs’ feet in possum gravy”? Or did the food joke come first, and then the writer realized they needed to make this about Christmas because it was December 18th, so they wedged in “…for the holidays” at the end of the setup? Either way, I appreciate how truly depressed the legionnaire who doesn’t have any dialogue looks, both when he’s hanging up the wreath and when he’s just looking out at us in glum resignation that his lot in life is to be a silent reaction character in Crock.

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Mary Worth, 12/13/21

Oh, man, the Wilbur-Estelle reunion doesn’t look to be a dream or a fantasy sequence, just a sad testimonial to what happens in our society when a lovely woman in late middle age who’s been unlucky in love just decides to give up. But there’s still one last line of defense, and that’s Libby, who’s going to have to resist whatever charms Wilbur brought from ALL PE7S and instead spend her evening pissing everywhere he might even be thinking about sitting. Piss, Libby! Piss with all your might!

Dennis the Menace, 12/13/21

I absolutely love how angry Henry is at this piece of furniture before he’s even gotten it out of his trunk. Like, most of us maintain a veneer of optimism about our Ikea purchases until we spread the different parts all over the floor and panic starts setting it. Not Henry, though! This wasn’t his choice, but it is his punishment. I guess I know I’m an adult because I know that whether or not Dennis hears some swears tonight isn’t the main storyline happening here, not by a long shot.

Beetle Bailey, 12/13/21

I know I said I wasn’t doing the “Sarge and Beetle are lovers” bit anymore, but the strip doesn’t make it easy on me sometimes, you know?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/13/21

Ah, it’s nice to see Snuffy and Doc Pitchart share a hearty, good-natured laugh! They both know that there are no circumstances under which Snuffy is going to pay his bill.