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Mary Worth, 6/17/20

OK, so here’s what’s happened since we last checked in with Mary Worth: Lyle showed up with Madi, who predictably refused to make eye contact with Saul and just kept staring at her phone, and Saul suggested they all have dinner or something, but Lyle was like, no, sorry, gotta run, Venezuela’s not gonna coup itself! Anyway, I am absolutely loving — loving — Saul’s attempt to do a tough-guy face in panel one here. “Welp, I guess you’re just going to leave your daughter [I assume she’s his daughter? I actually don’t think they’ve made that explicit] with me for three months, after having spent less than five minutes here and made no attempt to ease the process of us getting to know each other or giving me, a man who’s never raised children, any kind of advice on what she’ll need or want, and it sounds like you’re not even going to be calling her while you’re away, but know this, Lyle: I will absolutely hold you to your vague promise to come back and collect your daughter [?], eventually.”

Mark Trail, 6/17/20

Good news, everyone! Andy smelled his way home! Also, did you know that Mark lives immediately next door to a whole different compound? Like my parents in suburban Buffalo have more space between their house and their neighbor’s than Mark does with his, and Mark is a weird hermit who lives in a national forest!

Funky Winkerbean, 6/17/20

More than 15 years ago, in a different, gentler age, this blog was called “I Read The Comics So You Don’t Have To.” And for years afterwards, I still saw that as my mission statement. But now, as the open-heartedness of youth has given way to the sourness of middle age, I have revised my thinking, and can best describe this blog’s mission as “If I Have To Think About The Sex Lives Of Funky Winkerbean Characters, Then So Do You.”

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Mary Worth, 6/10/20

Well, it looks like Saul has allowed his … first-cousin-once-removed-in-law? … to browbeat him into serving as Madi’s guardian for the summer. What do you think their first fight is going to be about? Since Saul forced Greta to put on a bow tie to match his own even before he got her home from the shelter, I assume it will be about Madi’s refusal to wear a bow tie. Presumably she’ll eventually put it on, signaling the resolution of this storyline’s conflict, after she’s figured out how to make it “goth.”

Dennis the Menace, 6/10/20

Casually letting Mr. Wilson know that amazing things are happening all around him, but that he’s so steeped in anger and poisonous nostalgia that he’ll never be able to truly appreciate them, is by far the most menacing thing Dennis has ever done.

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Mary Worth, 6/5/20

“Look, all us smart guys at the CIA think we’ve got a plan to overthrow Maduro for sure this time, but like so many kids her age, Madi’s a hardcore socialist! She’d screw everything up! Are you a patriot or what, Saul?”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/5/20

I was going to make some joke about how comic strip characters never age and Li’l Tater has been trapped in an infant’s body for decades, but then I realized that, given the setting, the actual reason for the child’s developmental delays is almost certainly poor nutrition, and I got real depressed.

Marvin, 6/5/20

“Oh no! Now they’re full of boring old water instead of warm, comforting piss, like I wanted! This is the worst day ever!”