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Marvin, 11/21/20

I have to say, I really assumed that Marvin would quickly lose interest in Finn and Gill, the goldfish who hate Marvin, hate each other, and hate themselves, and would fall back into its easy rhythm of jokes about how babies — get this — aren’t toilet trained and almost seem to take a certain joy in pooping themselves. But obviously the narrative appeal of two goldfish who are condemned to spend the rest of their miserable lives with one another is impossible to resist. I was going to say “short, miserable lives” but a little Googling reveals that goldfish when well cared for can live longer than a decade, and anyway Marvin’s been a baby since 1982, so who knows how much longer these guys have to suffer with one another! They’re definitely going to be suffering a lot more once the Marvin crew realizes that fish just poop in their own bowl and then swim around in their own poop until someone cleans it out, which doesn’t strike me as something that’d be a particularly high priority for Marvin’s feckless family.

Mary Worth, 11/21/20

“I know your issues with family addiction and my own drug-using past make you nervous, baby, but let me assure you: you’re my drug now, and you’re the one I’ll do anything to possess, no matter who tries to stop me” –an email from a very smart and self-aware person who definitely is not going to be disappointed

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Crock, 11/18/20

The thing about Crock is that it’s years-old reruns of strips whose whole vibe was already years out of date when they were new, which I know doesn’t sound like the description of something that would be interesting to read every day, but it definitely delivers a fascinating, tangled mess of weird cultural attitudes! Like, today’s strip plays on that well-known belief that “librarians don’t have sex.” I mean, how could they have sex? They’re nerds! But the punchline here undermines this widely held stereotype: the bookmobile guy does, in fact, fuck. His paramour is named “Bertha,” though, so we can be reassured in the implication that she’s at least unattractive, and some small part of the world still makes sense.

Mutts, 11/18/20

This strip may not look like much, but it’s actually the end product of a long legal process in which the large and highly skilled team of lawyers on the payroll of Paws, Inc., ensured Garfieldian dominance over feline Monday-disliking for years to come.

Mary Worth, 11/18/20

tiny withered arm not connected to anything tiny withered arm not connected to anything tiny withered arm not connected to anything

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Mary Worth, 11/17/20

I love that this picture is the one that Tommy is staring at fiercely to reassure himself that he’s still a good person who’s made a lot of progress despite his current bumpy romantic situation. “Damn it, would a loser have a ripped bod like that? No! I good enough and I’m beefy enough to earn respect, and I’m going to step up my volunteer work with that weightlifting charity to make sure the kids of tomorrow have a head start when it comes to making gains!”

Shoe, 11/17/20

“And I don’t have any? Because I’m a bird? And have wings instead? Is that the joke? God damn it, one of these days the joke here is going to be about how we’re birds. It has to happen eventually!”