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Archive: Mary Worth

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Can’t believe Wilbur’s not using his shower radio for this

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Judge Parker, 11/20/19

Hey guys, remember Honey Ballinger? Remember how Sophie coveted her boyfriend Derek and then plotted to steal away her boyfriend? Remember how Sophie later got mad that Honey was going steal away Sophie’s boyfriend, Derek? And then, uh, there was the whole confusing car crash/kidnapping plot where Honey got away but Sophie was kidnapped, for a while? Remember how Sam and Sophie’s dad teamed up to track down the kidnapper, super-incompetently? Well, Judge Parker remembers, and is here to remind you that material consequences still remain things suffered by non-Parker-Spencer-Drivers, as Sam, an insanely wealthy man who has apparently decided to restart his law practice on a whim and was shopping around for pricey office real estate last week while his erstwhile partner in vigilantism cashes unemployment checks somewhere, can attest.

Blondie, 11/20/19

I have to admit that I don’t actually get the joke here or the transition between the two panels, unless Lou is saying that so-called “secret menus” (In-N-Out Burger’s is probably the most famous) are essentially marketing devices designed to build word-of-mouth buzz and drive in more customers, whereas Lou’s Diner, quite obviously, has a number of operational problems and can barely handle the customers it has.

Mary Worth, 11/20/19

I swear to God that when I wrote the title for yesterday’s post I had no idea what joys today’s Mary Worth would bring. Now, you might find Wilbur’s song choice wildly inappropriate, as the complex narrative of “Escape (The Piña Colada Song)” — in which the narrator seeks to cheat on his “lady” by answering a personal ad, only to discover that the ad was placed by her, looking to cheat on him — doesn’t really map onto his and Estelle’s relationship at all. But beyond the specific details of the story, the song’s core message — that the relationship you’re in now might seem unpleasant, like a literal prison, but honestly, if you go looking for something better you won’t find it, so you might as well stick with it — is probably the most convincing argument he could make in his favor at this point. Anyway, I stand by what I said yesterday: Estelle should definitely, definitely call the cops.

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If Wilbur’s outside with a boombox, call the cops

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Hi and Lois, 11/19/19

Yes, the joke is that “Ha ha, what if an … unlikely person used social media, wouldn’t that be something” (I guarantee that just about every garbageman in America has at least one social media account), but the real story here is Hi. Why does Hi feel compelled to come out at some ungodly hour of the morning to talk to the guys who pick up his trash? Isn’t the whole point that you put it out at the curb the night before and then they pick it up as they come by? Today he looks particularly miserable to have been forced by his pitiless Creator out of a nice warm bed to be the wordless sounding board for a terrible “PHONES, amiright folks” joke. It must be particularly galling that he could just look at this picture on Instagram whenever he wanted, at his leisure.

Sam and Silo, 11/19/19

Ha ha, the town’s only cops are sexually aggressively pursuing local women, as is their wont! “Like in a horror movie,” one of the women says, “but in this case, it’s true.” What a fun, whimsical strip!

Mary Worth, 11/19/19

The bouquet of roses is apparently Wilbur’s go-to “NOOOO, TAKE ME BACK” move, but this time around he decided to have them delivered rather than just attempting to ambush her with them — a wise move to avoid immediate, face-to-face, extremely funny disappointment.

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“I’m listening” is what Marty says to people who call into his radio show right before he runs off to take a dump

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Gil Thorp, 11/18/19

Well, weeks after making the mistake of trying to blow the whistle to Milford’s “mainstream” (i.e., Thorp-friendly) press, Chet is doing what he should’ve done in the first place, which is talk to Marty Moon, preferably in a context where Marty can get as drunk as possible with a non-Marty person paying for the drinks. So the setup is right, but the execution is botched. Marty says he’s listening but you can see in panel three that he’s already tuning out Chet’s blather about “two-a-days” and “Sam Finn” or whatever. C’mon, Chet! Lead with the scissors-throwing! Everyone loves a good scissors-throwing!

Family Circus, 11/18/19

“Daddy” may be back at the help of the Family Circus, but the layers of narrative artifice on display during “Billy (age 7)’s run” are still present. Dolly prays to the Christian God, but He does not exist within the Circus’s circle; the Father and Creator is downstairs, watching football. (Of course, in real life, this God is dead, and in-panel reality is sustained by Jeffy, depicted here as His prophet.)

Mary Worth, 11/18/19

Crouching in your office chair, airing your hairy legs out and pressing an ice pack gingerly against one side of your head doesn’t exactly scream “patented hangover cure” to me, but I guess Wilbur’s the expert! I don’t want to say every plotline in Mary Worth should involve Wilbur getting dumped or otherwise romantically devastated, but, like, every fourth one or so? That’d be great.