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Spider-Man, 11/28/14

Spider-Man, a superpowered hero dedicated to protecting New York, hopes his special psychic ability to detect danger doesn’t interfere with his plans to watch television tonight!

Mary Worth, 11/28/14

I remain resolutely pro-elderotica, but I will admit there are issues in such relationships. For instance, if all the bold-italicizing in this strip is any indication, hearing loss means that old people have to shout all their innuendo at each other.

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Mary Worth, 11/27/14

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY! Mary is spending the holiday with her dearest friends: Wilbur, Iris, Dawn, Ian, Toby, and … some dude? Some dude who is definitely not Dr. Jeff. Seems that Hanna Dingdon isn’t the only person finding new love these days!

Also missing from the table is Iris’s supposedly reformed son Tommy. My best guess is that he and Jeff are holed up over in Iris’s apartment, getting high.

Pluggers, 11/27/14

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY! Pluggers would like to remind you that if you serve a frozen pie to your family today you’re human garbage.

Crankshaft, 11/27/14

HAPPY THANKSGIVING, EVERYBODY! Crankshaft reminds you that Thanksgiving is a fun time to watch your elderly relatives, who know that they’re going to die soon, bargain with God. Enjoy!

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Six Chix, 11/24/14

All the turkeys are trying to get out of town this week! That’s because it’s almost Thanksgiving, and they’re justifiably terrified that they’re going to be killed and eaten.

Blondie, 11/24/14

But none of them ever imagined that, after they were killed but before they were eaten, Dagwood Bumstead might sexually fetishize their corpse.

Better Half, 11/24/14

As a financial advisor, it’s tough to keep coming up with “fun” ways to say “Welp, looks like you’re gonna die in poverty!”

Marvin, 11/24/14

“Constipated? Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin has no problems making bowel movements! You can tell because he always smells like feces! Ha ha!”

Luann, 11/24/14

Hey, remember when Guther and Rosa decided to move to Peru for, uh, some reason? I had been thinking it was in order to do something noble but now we see that they’re just working in an extremely boring-looking call center.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/24/14

“We’ve swapped something you might actually want for something you definitely won’t!”

Mary Worth, 11/24/14

“My daughter? Oh, I definitely don’t love her. If I did, I’d have talked about her up top, when I was telling you about people I loved.”

Spider-Man, 11/24/14

Having lived in Los Angeles for nearly three months, I can assure you that panel two’s depiction of a Hollywood producer is 100% accurate.