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Gil Thorp, 3/8/24

Gil Thorp may be a somewhat manic strip at times, but never say it doesn’t play a long narrative game. Remember the comely bartendress Gil was awkwardly flirting with nearly two years ago? Well, big news: Gil’s divorced now, and it’s time to make out! Gil even went the extra mile and rented a room in this … bar? Hotel? It’s a hotel bar, I guess? The important thing is that he doesn’t want to go back to a girl’s house, because he might catch cooties.

Marvin, 3/8/24

Marvin’s been doing this “she said/he heard” bit all week, which I find irritating because it’s not clear if this just supposed to be wishful thinking on his part of actually indicating his inability to properly parse spoken language. The latter seems ridiculous based on what we’ve seen of his intellectual capacities over the years, but on the other hand he is literally a baby, so! Anyway, I like the touch in this strip where in Marvin’s mind, he’s full clothed for this interaction. Almost as if, against all odds, he does actually have some dignity.

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Blondie, 3/6/24

Personally, I think the best way to celebrate National Dentists’ Day would be to simply to go to the dentist for your twice annual cleaning! Which Dagwood has already done, so he’s way ahead of the game. And maybe you should take some time to congratulate them on their special day, but that would require knowing about it in advance, and sadly that ship has sailed for Dagwood already. Apparently he doesn’t have the calendar with all the obscure/fake holidays in it like the Blondie creative team has!

Mark Trail, 3/6/24

A lot of people complain about new-look Mark Trail, and while I’ve been accepting of certain changes, like the stubble, I absolutely cannot abide newly millennial Mark trying to tell us honest, hard-working real Americans we shouldn’t eat horses! Horsemeat made America what it is today, and the fact that the “woke mob” has come for the delicious, juicy horseburgers we all enjoy grilling up before the Big Game is a sad commentary on society.

Mary Worth, 3/6/24

Look, Mary, you have got to stop talking about Keith Hillend. Nobody cares! The only interesting thing about him is the fact that he lied about being Sonia’s dad, and you’re not privy to that information so it’s not like you can dish out the hot goss. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but have you considered asking Jeff about how his day is going or something like that?

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Mary Worth, 3/4/24

Oh, so, uh, it seems like the Keith-Kitty-Sonia family fraud reunion plot has … ended? With Keith’s tiny mind unburdened by his terrible deception? No opportunity for follow-up, though, because it’s time for Mary and Jeff’s one-a-quarter date! Yes, nothing will get Mary’s mind off the Crazy World that she learns about entirely through The News better than a desultory sexual encounter on a reasonably successful doctor’s boat.

Pluggers, 3/4/24

Shoutout to Pluggers, whose whole vibe over the decades has carefully created the strategic ambiguity that leaves me, a liberal big-city elitist, unsure whether today’s panel is about some “Hints from Heloise” type technique for keeping your shirts fresh/unwrinkled before a big event, or if it’s just a “Ha ha, pluggers are old and increasingly plagued by dementia” joke.

The Phantom, 3/4/24

The thing about the Phantom is that he’s a tough, gun-toting, fists-flying superhero vigilante but also the product of a 21-generation long eugenics program, and I feel like being raised to know this is true about yourself must have some pretty weird effects on your psyche. Like, check out how aroused Kit Jr. looks in the second panel here! “Seems that mom’s finally figured out the perfect breeding partner for me? And she’s planning to ambush me with her, sexually? Hot stuff!”

Shoe, 3/4/24

It honestly never occurred to me before this strip, but among his many other terrible qualities, Shoe is definitely a serial workplace sexual harasser.