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Mary Worth, 7/29/23

Are you suffering from depression? Well, the good people at Mary Worth suggest that you simply reunite with a long lost friend, which will clear the problem up entirely. If you don’t have any friends, that frankly is not Mary Worth’s problem. Have you considered getting held hostage and barely escaping with your life? That’s a great way to meet people.

Hi and Lois, 7/29/23

Thirsty being kind of aggressively “fun” and wacky, waving his hands around … he’s drunk, right? Like, more than usual? I get why he’s so insistent, though: he’s finally figured out the secret to making golf fun and doesn’t want to let it go to waste.

Pluggers, 7/29/23

The way the he-plugger is clutching his chest here is evocative and disturbing to me. “Please, dear, stand up. We just need to make it to the car. We can’t afford the ambulance ride. I know you can do it!”

Gil Thorp, 7/29/23

“Imagine what they get away with in adult prisons. Oh, hey, I just happen to have this DVD about what they get away with in adult women’s prisons! Maybe we could watch that instead of the game? Ha ha, just kidding. Unless…?”

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Mary Worth, 7/23/23

Oh, so I forget to tell you that when Greta was being held captive, she made friends with a fellow dog-prisoner, the one the cops were surprised wasn’t dead, and so I guess she was so depressed not because of her ordeal, but because she missed her pal. Fortunately Dr. Ed is the only vet in town, so everyone has to keep taking their pets there, despite his terrible yelp reviews, and now they’re reunited! Anyway, it’s funny because Mary and Saul have just been assuming that Greta was kidnapped by a dogfighting ring despite having no hard evidence, and since Holly is a known kidnapee, it seems like this is a vital clue into Greta’s experience, but probably nobody’s going to talk about it! They’re just going arrange a play date and everything will be fine. Remember, the past only exists by how your remember it!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/23/23

“Hmm, I quit surgery because it was annoying, but now that I’m realizing that it means less time spent with my wife, maybe I need to reconsider. The patients will be under general anesthesia when I interact with them, right? I won’t have to talk to them?”

Family Circus, 7/23/23

I’m sorry, I’m going to have go lie down for a bit while I process the fact that in today’s Family Circus a smiling old woman told a child that “A galaxy of pain awaits you, dear!” like she was in a fucking Hellraiser movie or something.

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Mary Worth, 7/17/23

Congratulations, Greta! You may be depressed due to trauma, but you’re at least seeing a vet who recently started seeing a therapist himself due to his own trauma-based depression. Does that mean that Dr. Ed is as good as a licensed therapist? Ha ha, no, absolutely not, but he’s a lot more forgiving about his patients pooping in the middle of a session than an actual therapist would be.

Hi and Lois, 7/17/23

Congratulations, The Boy, The Mole, The Fox, and the Horse! Not only were you “shortlisted for the 2020 British Book Awards Non-Fiction Lifestyle Book of the Year,” but you also got a barely legible appearance in a Hi and Lois strip where Hi and Lois are mad at each other for reasons neither will really articulate and the vibes are real bad!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/17/23

Congratulations, pickleball! You’ve reached the stage where the creative team for Barney Google and Snuffy Smith thinks its readership will know what you are, so you must be an integral part of American life at this point! (Bitcoin hit this stage back in 2015.)