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Mary Worth, 12/8/23

Just from the standpoint of hard-hitting social drama, I think “Young Sonia is seduced to leftism by a guy in a dumb hat” is like a thousand times less interesting than “Young Sonia is dating/in love with a guy in a dumb hat who’s old enough to be a plausible romantic interest for her mother.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/8/23

After spending all week honing his skills in traditional Appalachian musicianship, Jughaid has discovered that his grandfather is happy to play a ghastly parody of a hillbilly rustic so as to grab hold of a few flatlander dollars in what many are calling the grimmest Snuffy Smith in years.

Dennis the Menace, 12/8/23

“George, I see you once a year and don’t know anything about you that isn’t in your chart, so feel free to not make what appear to be jokes about whoever ‘Dennis’ is and this whole thing will go a lot faster.”

Hi and Lois, 12/8/23

“Plus AI is incredibly computationally intensive and is driving up electricity usage, and thus contributing to global warming. So, win-win!”

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Marvin, 12/5/23

I actually really enjoy the implication of this cartoon, which is that Bitsy doesn’t understand the idea that having your picture taken results in a image that other people will see — like, he thinks he just has to sit still wearing a dumb hat for a little bit, but once the process is over there will be no further consequences and nobody else will be the wiser about his demeaning little outfit — but he absolutely knows what it means to post something on social media. We need more baroque and weird versions of the “animals in comics have some human knowledge but not all of it” trope! Forget “this dog can write but not spell things properly” gag, give us baffling gaps in understanding like this one!

Mary Worth, 12/5/23

Haha, turns out Brad is here not for Kitty but for Sonia. Specifically, he’s here to collaborate on the “fight the system” t-shirts that are Sonia’s main form of political activism. Were you thinking about supporting the police, the military, or any of the other pillars of traditional American society that also happened to employ Sonia’s absentee father? Well, not if these cool t-shirts have anything to say about it! Anyway, Kitty understands the real problem with this kind of all-branding, no-substance approach to social justice, which is that it can really cramp your style when you’re trying to bring some ex-Marine back home and have sex with him.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/5/23

I’m sorry, are you telling me you couldn’t get a good self-help cult rolling with your program in the 1970s? Maybe you were never the guy to put it into action, then. Maybe you should just let Rene have this one!

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Mary Worth, 12/4/23

Oh, wow, it turns out Sonia isn’t the only disrespectful person in Kitty’s life, and her smooch with Keith was actually interrupted by this guy Brad. “It’s not what you think!” she protests to the person who knocked her up 20 years ago and who she’s been on two dates with since, as if he had some kind of jurisdiction over her. “I would never have a no-strings-attach fuck buddy relationship with a guy who wore a dumb hat like this! He did not wear the hat the other times he came by for sex!”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 12/4/23

Sigh, it looks like Rene really did rip off this guy’s self-help method, but maybe it’s worth it because this series of events has resulted in one of the most profound Rex pissyfaces we’ve ever seen. That’s a man who’s experiencing depths of contempt he never before thought possible. I’m assuming he’s grunting out “Self-help program … you created!?!” like Frankenstein’s monster, his outrage thickening his tongue and taking away his ability to use linking words like “that”.

Arctic Circle, 12/4/23

I genuinely love the expression on the rabbit’s face here. He’s immediately and involuntarily imagining the horrifying scene — a massive, powerful polar bear ripping off the top of a camper, pulling out a half-sleeping surfer and devouring them, their screams echoing across the landscape and the snow besplattered with their blood and viscera. He’s a simple vegetarian! He’s not built to think about such horrors!

Pluggers, 12/4/23

I’ve been making jokes about Pluggers for more than 17 years at this point, and in all that time I have frankly gotten no closer to answering the perennial “what is a plugger?” question. But that doesn’t mean I’m just going to sit back and let “You’re a plugger if you’re allergic to dust, or possibly pine needles” slip by. No. Absolutely not. I refute this!