Post Content

Mary Worth, 3/1/23

Uh oh! Looks like Estelle is running into the dark side of dating a hot, animal-saving, ivory-tinkling hunk like Dr. Ed: he has other obligations, like to the animals he has to save, or the ivories he has to tinkle, or whatever. Hey, Estelle, you know who won’t stand you up on a date? Wilbur! He’ll always be there for you, even if you don’t want him to be! Sorry, those are your only two choices, I guess!

Crock, 3/1/23

Every classic comic strip needs to have a longtime married couple who hates each other to remind readers that heterosexual monogamy is a crushing prison, and in Crock that couple is Grossie and Maggot. Usually they just hate each other in a “fun” way, like with quips and such, but their facial expressions in today’s panel let us know that every moment of their existence, in which they’re forced to remain together forever in a strip that will keep going out in reruns indefinitely, is an agonizing one.

Shoe, 3/1/23

Every once in a while I need to remind you, my faithful readers, about the ways in which I suffer for your entertainment and my craft, so I’m going to tell you that my very first instinct upon reading today’s Shoe was to do some online research on whether cloacas have sphincters that allow birds to hold in their poops or if they just have to let it go as soon as it’s ready. Anyway, the material I found was very gross, and the answer is that they can hold it in but not for anywhere near as long as mammals without risking injury so they generally don’t, so yes, Shoe is being literal here, the staff of the Treetops Tribune just let it rip around the office wherever and whenever they need to.

Post Content

Beetle Bailey, 2/23/23

The joke here is clearly that Otto is imitating Beetle’s typical slothfulness, but wouldn’t it be funny if this were a lead-in to Sarge murdering Beetle, and this is the last thing the title character to this long running comic strip ever sees? Well, “funny” may not be quite the right word, unless you’re like me and have been reading this strip every day for years, waiting desperately for something, anything, to happen in it.

Hagar the Horrible, 2/23/23

Say what you will about Hagar the Horrible, but unlike many gag-a-day strips its team of gag writers works hard to keep track of the lore. Like, Hagar is canonically illiterate, which is why they’re careful to have him say “I was told” in the final panel. Anyway, what do you think the book is? Based on that description and the historical setting, I’m guessing it’s the Bible, in the form of a lovingly illuminated manuscript plundered from an Irish monastery that Hagar and his warriors burned to the ground.

Mary Worth, 2/23/23

“I want to be friends with him … but from a distance! Why can’t he understand that the most precious form of friendship is the kind where you’re never in the same room at the same time, and also you don’t like each other?”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 2/20/23

This upcoming court battle is going to settle an important precedent: can legal action be taken against someone for stuff they do in your hallucinations and dreams? Normally this would seem to be a slam dunk to get thrown out of court immediately, but I can see a judge learning about Wilbur’s whole deal and gruffly saying “I’ll allow it,” then saying the same thing when the jury somehow imposes the death penalty.

Beetle Bailey, 2/20/23

Wordle was made public in October 2021, and went viral a couple months later when the ability to turn your results into an emoji grid was added. In other words, Beetle Bailey has name-checked a popular culture thing a mere 14 months after it entered popular culture, which is really shocking for a strip that only started depicting the Army as racially integrated in 1970.

Gil Thorp, 2/20/23

“Kaz leaving was a gut punch for me. Devastating. Something I’ll never get over. My best friend, gone, leaving a hole that can never be filled. Oh, wait, you’re asking about the team? They don’t really give a shit. They’re teenagers! I honestly don’t think they can tell most adults apart.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/20/23

Can you imagine if a guy you’d been seeing casually announced that he’s moving to be closer to you, but then mentions that he’s also doing it to be closer to Buck Wise? That’d be a real emotional roller coaster, and one that by rights ought to end either with a breakup or a written agreement that you never have to be in a room with Buck for more than ten minutes at a time.