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Family Circus, 11/22/19

OK, guys, look, as a childfree adult who spends very little time interacting with toddlers, I don’t have … the strongest sense of how big they are, and that’s on me. But I also think that some of the sizing of objects in the Family Circus is a little off, like things are the wrong size in comparison to one another, for whatever reason (whispers “clip art” into the wind). What I’m trying to say is, that’s an enormous bowl of gruel Ma Keane is holding, right? Like, it’s almost the size of Jeffy’s torso and it is filled to the brim with viscous, ecru flavor. It’s gotta be really heavy and honestly Jeffy is lucky he’s getting as much hug as he’s getting.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/22/19

IT’S CALLED A “TRAMP STAMP”

NOBODY CALLS IT A “TRAMP TATTOO”

THE JOKE DOESN’T WORK AT ALL UNLESS YOU CALL IT A “TRAMP STAMP”

ALSO IT’S ON THE LOWER BACK, BECAUSE THE IMPLICATION IS THAT IT’S FOR PEOPLE TO LOOK AT WHILE YOU DO IT “DOGGY STYLE”

YOU DON’T GET TO DO THIS JOKE UNLESS YOU FOLLOW ITS IMPLICATIONS TO THEIR LOGICAL CONCLUSIONS

I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/16/19

Parson Tuttle is of course a grifter and mostly biblically illiterate, but even he knows that a Christian clergyman is supposed to espouse a pacifistic attitude. Sadly, Tuttle is out of his theological depth once you get past these rote, borrowed pieties, and is unable to help his congregants figure out how to live a Christ-like life in an unforgiving society dominated by vicious blood feuds over long-forgotten offenses against family honor.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/16/19

Aww, Ralph and Grimm had a friend named Rocko, but he died, of heart disease! That’s … that’s the joke?

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Mary Worth, 11/2/19

Oh, gosh, hey, I haven’t kept you updated on what Wilbur’s been up since he decided to have “just a little sip” of whisky to “take the edge off [his] nervousness” before his big double date with Estelle and Iris and Zak! Here’s what he’s gotten up to: he polished off that Macallan and replaced it with … what looks like … cough syrup? Let’s say cough syrup. Then he drank a lot of the cough syrup, for that “purple drank” buzz the kids love. My only worry about next week is that he’s so cartoonishly drunk that Estelle is going to refuse to go on the date with him, though I guess that if Zak and Iris are patiently waiting at the restaurant and Wilbur shows up 20 minutes late by himself and very, very blotto, it would be even funnier.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/2/19

I guess if you had asked me who the main non-Grimm character of Mother Goose and Grimm was, I’d say “Mother Goose,” obviously, it’s right there in the name, but if you asked me what her job was, I’d say, “…I’m not fully sure she has one?” But in fact it turns out that she’s that Mother Goose, and honestly this is a big surprise because you’d think she’d be a lot richer. Gender pay gap aside, her stuff is very popular, and in the MGGiverse she’s still alive so it isn’t in the public domain!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/2/19

REX [who is very much in the hospital right now]: Uh, no, I’m, uh, out on my boat. I mean: Dr. Morgan is it out on his boat. This Dr. Morgan’s voicemail. Please leave your message at the beep. [Rex makes a “BEEP” noise and then stops talking]

Beetle Bailey, 11/2/19

Ha ha, that kooky Beetle Bailey just dug a grave for himself! How’s your weekend going?