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Funky Winkerbean, 8/20/20

Oh no oh no oh no is Les telling Marianne about the sex stuff? I think that’s what we’re supposed to understand by the lacuna in his dialogue in the second panel? She already had to endure saying this dialogue, hasn’t she suffered enough? And is he … hitting on her? By doing this? Since Funky Winkerbean is fixated on classic Hollywood, it’ll be just like the classic Hollywood film Vertigo where Jimmy Stewart tries to remake some poor woman into his dead beloved; in Vertigo it was sad, gross, and ironic because the poor woman secretly is his dead beloved, whereas here it will just be sad and gross. Anyway, I’m really looking forward to years of strips covering Les’s divorce. “Blessed Lisa would never have left me for trying to mold an actress in her image and then have sex with her,” Les will fume silently to himself.

Mary Worth, 8/20/20

“I mean, at first I was sad about being separated from my dad, but it turns out that he’s a real asshole who just dumped me on a stranger and fled the country, so it turns out that it’s actually pretty easy for other people to be better caregivers than him!”

The Phantom, 8/20/20

Yes, Bangalla is a thriving post-colonial democracy, with a vibrant economy in which all it takes to get a good-paying job is [checks notes] a personal relationship with the head of the local government-backed paramilitary force!

Dennis the Menace, 8/20/20

Sad news: Henry Mitchell passed away peacefully in his sleep today at the age of 35. Rest in power, Henry, you’ll always be in our hearts.

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Crock, 8/18/20

Crock is in perpetual reruns now, and it’s hard to tell when exactly any given strip was composed, which is fine when they’re making light-hearted jokes about the grueling century-long French colonial occupation of Algeria, but can get wonky when the strip tries to grapple with “current events.” Like, I guess this dates from the period (the ’90s, I think?) where Wal-Mart’s rapid expansion to retail dominance was noteworthy instead of just a historical footnote to the transition to Amazon’s stranglehold on all commerce. Anyway, I’m not quite sure what the joke here is supposed to be. Is Grossie waiting by the sign with her cart a “women be shopping” gag, which misses the fact that the gag is specifically about shopping as a high-end indulgence and doesn’t really work if it’s “women be shopping for low-priced daily necessities”? Or is her knowing grin just supposed to convey something like “Eh? Eh? Capitalism? Eh?”

Funky Winkerbean, 8/18/20

This massive wildfire may have displaced hundreds of thousands of people, but at least it’s giving Marianne a chance to really understand what it was like to be married to Les, an opportunity that she surely regrets so, so much.

Daddy Daze, 8/18/20

Is he … is he afraid his son will eventually want to have sex with a brain? Is that the joke here?

The Phantom, 8/18/20

Did … did the Phantom murder or terrorize a couple of waitresses so his daughter and her friend could have a job that earned them a little pocket money? Is that the joke here?

Marvin, 8/18/20

Ha ha, it’s funny because Marvin’s poops are more deadly than a unprecedented worldwide pandemic!

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Mark Trail, 6/22/20

Just because life is a rich tapestry, the whole Funky Winkerbean plotline where they’re making a movie about material we’ve already seen in earlier comics never fails to send me into an absolute rage, whereas I am very excited about this upcoming Mark Trail plotline, in which some hot-shot movie producers (having communicated with the IP rights holders via a message sent in a manila envelope, like you do) want to make a movie about an adventure Mark had back in 2015 and 2016! You remember this thrilling tale of white nose syndrome and human trafficking, don’t you? It started with Mark talking bat illness with an amiable academic, and then brushed up against some human traffickers out there in the desert, who dynamited them into a cave, where they were trapped for month after month after interminable month, until they managed to swim out. This all has “third act problems,” as they say in the biz, but I’m sure the geniuses at the Hollywood dream factory will smooth it all out, and because Mark isn’t a whiny little pissbaby like Les Moore, instead of lurking around the set fuming with his arms crossed not talking to anybody, he’ll just say “The movie business sure is interesting, Rusty!” and cash his option check.

Crankshaft, 6/22/20

Speaking of Funky Winkerbean, we all know that Funky Winkerbean is ten years in the future from Crankshaft, but the fact that autonomous cars are cruising through residential Ohio neighborhoods in Crankshaft indicates that Crankshaft is several years in the future from us. So the good news is that Mason is trying to put together funding to make Lisa’s Story: The Movie just as the entire movie industry is about to finally collapse because everyone is just watching short homemade porn clips on their phone for entertainment now.

The Phantom, 6/22/20

Sorry that I haven’t been keeping you up to date on The Phantom, and I’m not really going to bother catching you up now, but I do want let you know that a flaming skeleton has been berating our hero for like a whole week now and it’s been glorious.

The Lockhorns, 6/22/20

OH MY GOD THAT MUTANT OPERA SINGER IS AT LEAST 40 FEET TALL

RUN, LEROY AND LORETTA, RUN