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Pluggers, 6/14/17

Look, guys, I’m super cheap — like, super cheap — but it would never, ever, ever in a million years occur to me to do this. Does anyone do this? Do plugger friends just send the same blank birthday card back and forth year after year, forever? Why stop at birthdays? Why not send one of those cards that has generic art and no message inside for every occasion? You get one the mail and you have to derive the content entirely from the current context of your own life and your friendship with the sender. The more I think about it, this is actually a pretty high-concept practice for pluggers.

Family Circus, 6/14/17

I call bullshit on how happy everyone looks to see fucking Billy, of all people. The only way this makes sense is if he’s walking into an ambush, possibly one planned by Sam the dog.

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Mary Worth, 6/11/17

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: Derek and Esme acknowledge their attraction to one another, with their tobacco-stained lips, right in front of Katie! Here’s my main thought: Esme is wearing a tight, stunning floral dress and Katie is sporting a classic little black cocktail number, while Derek is wearing … a dull green polo shirt tucked into grey slacks? Why are these ladies fighting over this dull chump again, gimmie a break.

Rex Morgan, M.D. 6/11/17

Meanwhile, in the soap opera strips’ significantly less interesting love triangle, Holly is working overtime to prove to Kelly that she and Niki are just friends and that she wants to be friends with Kelly too! Just friends all around! Look at her, rubbing her hands together in absolute glee about all the new friends she’s going to have! This “high school musical thing” is going to be an underground prison where she can watch Niki and Kelly grow old together, right?

Pluggers, 6/11/17

You’re a plugger if all your friends are dying and you need to keep your suit clean in case you die too, so they can bury you in it.

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Pluggers, 6/10/17

Ha ha, yes, advertisers have little interest in plugger viewing habits because they don’t buy much and they’ll be dead soon, but anyway is it just me or is the plugger dog-man looking pretty pissed? “Damn you, handsome Ron Howard,” he thinks. “Damn you straight to hell for taking my wife’s heart away from me.”

Six Chix, 6/10/17

Hey, remember when there was that rash of updating classic books with “& Zombies” in the title? Well, they finally did it with the Bible, and it doesn’t look great.