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These fancy flip-phones don’t buy themselves, Mark

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Mark Trail, 10/24/14

Well now we know how Woods And Wildlife Magazine editor Bill Ellis can afford that fancy penthouse office! “Mark, I want you to take a trip to the swamp and do a story on the diversity of animal species found there! No, for God’s sake, don’t actually mention this Petroxx Chemical mine business. The Marigold and Philip T. Oxenham Foundation — ‘helping build a more verdant and prosperous world since 2003’ — is W&W’s biggest advertiser, and Phil Oxenham is Petroxx Chemical’s CEO, so we can’t afford to piss him off. Just … just write about all the different kinds of critters that live in the dumb swamp and let’s hope the right people see it and hopefully this’ll all work itself out, OK? I’ll send a copy to Phil, maybe he’ll put some money into whatever safety equipment the unions are bitching about this month. That’ll be a win-win for everyone!”

Pluggers, 10/24/14

I am sincerely enjoying the look of shock and alarm on the she-plugger’s face in this panel as she swivels her head around to look at that timer. “Oh my goodness! For whom is this bell tolling? Does it toll … for me?”

Gil Thorp, 10/24/14

Welp, looks like we’ve hit the point in this storyline where the Mudlark coaching staff let someone else do their coaching for them! Usually this person is the janitor or just whatever crazy old coot wanders onto the practice field, so it’s actually kind of refreshing that this year it’s a player, at least.

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“What even is a mango? Is this in English?”

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Apartment 3-G, 10/22/14

Oh, look, we’re revisiting the other key aspects of the Margo was and I guess still is a publicist storyline, which are that when Margo cruelly rejected Skyler as a potential client, Skyler was cast as the new Bond girl, in a James Bond movie, opposite Margo’s boyfriend, who was playing James Bond, one of the highest-profile movie roles in existence. Naturally she did such a lousy job as his publicist that her own roommates didn’t realize he’d landed the part, and his mom didn’t want to hang out with him on Christmas. Anyway, he went away to England to film the movie and then they … stopped dating? I guess? I guess Skyler is supposed to be gently ribbing Margo on this point — “I don’t have to tell you that, because you ‘worked with’ him, by which I mean your genitals ‘worked with’ his genitals, in a sex way.” I’m not sure if Margo is being haughtily sarcastic in panel two or has just genuinely forgotten what this plot was about. It was all a long time ago!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/22/14

The tragic illiteracy of so many of Hootin’ Holler’s voters goes a long way towards explaining why the community is so poorly governed.

Pluggers, 10/22/14

Pluggers only make the same four recipes over and over again, because they fear change and anything that seems even vaguely exotic. They’re also going to die soon!

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Ha ha, kids today, takin’ pictures in vast open fields and whatnot

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Funky Winkerbean, 10/17/14

So, yeah, it’s been all week and I still haven’t gotten over this “Les bowls Cayla over by writing a comic book about how she rescued him from the pits of despair when his first, more important wife died” plot twist. To make it even better, he’ll be flying her to Hong Kong so they can watch it get spat out of an industrial-sized laser printer at whatever low-bid printing company he picked that will just build a book out of any PDF you send them, which means the whole trip will be blessedly tax deductible. This obviously merits some tongue-kissing, and much as I rag on this strip, I have to say that Summer’s expression of mingled shock and disgust is perfectly rendered. She stands in for all of us.

Six Chix, 10/17/14

You kids today, always taking pictures of each other with your cell phones for the instagrams and so forth! Enjoy your youth now, but know that the icy finger of death is always, always just inches away from your tender skin. That’s … that’s the message in this nationally syndicated cartoon today, I guess?

Pluggers, 10/17/14

Oh, sure, laugh at this plugger dog-man taking his date to a fast food restaurant if you must, but at least he’s moved a step or two up the food chain!