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The Lockhorns, 6/20/22

A fun thing to do with the comics (for certain limited definitions of “fun,” but those limited definitions are pretty important for a self-proclaimed curmudgeon of the comics genre, so here we are) is to try to work backwards from the scenario we see in any given panel to see how contrived the implied setup truly is. Like, at a fundamental level, why are the character where they are, other than “it’s necessary for this joke”? Today I’m particularly curious about why Loretta is hanging out in the (surprisingly spacious, considering her constant harping on Leroy’s low salary) bathroom with Leroy while he incorrectly takes his medicine, but standing with her back to him. The answer, I guess, is that she knew he would screw up this basic task of self-care and wanted to be there to enjoy that when it happened, but was idly looking at the toilet (?) until the proper moment, for plausible deniability. Normal people wouldn’t follow their spouses into the bathroom, of course, but I think we’ve long established that neither Leroy nor Loretta are normal, so I’ll let it side.

Pluggers, 6/20/22

Today’s Pluggers is great because it could plausibly be about how pluggers are continually baffled and agitated by virtually all developments in society since 1978, or about the fact that they are increasingly deaf. But, really, do we even have to choose? “Pluggers don’t want to hear you telling them about modernity and fortunately they can’t” is a perfect Pluggers caption, to me.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 6/20/22

“And if those superheroes kidnapped people at gunpoint, took them back to their filthy hovel, and got quack doctors to do experimental brain surgery on them, probably with whatever power tools were available? Truly that would be a utopia!”

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Pluggers, 6/10/22

I have been writing this blog for far too many years, and a trend that I have noticed over that entire period is that syndicated newspaper comics have always felt like they need to be doing something to keep up with “the modern world” in some way. It keeps not working, but also there have continued to be syndicated newspaper comics for that entire period as well, so maybe they don’t, in fact, have to do anything at all, but their attempts are inevitably pretty funny. For instance, way back in 2006, For Better Or For Worse (only real ones will remember the Foobs) started posting animated versions of the strips on its website, except these were the same strips that went to physical newspapers where animation wouldn’t work so the only animation was that the characters would blink, and fairly slowly, so you could miss it and then see it out of the corner of your eye and be like “What the fuck was that, am I going crazy, are these people moving????” It wasn’t great! It wasn’t great for a number of reasons, not least of which is that the idea was planted that maybe some other cartoonist would try this stunt, and that they might try it at any time: that some image you assumed was static would suddenly start moving. This would be unsettling at any time, of course, but with some strips it would be much, much more traumatizing than others.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 6/10/22

In order to experience the round of inflation that rest of us are all going through, Hootin’ Holler would have to be connected to global supply chains and the worldwide central banking systems, which we all know is absolutely not the case. I assume this is just a coincidence and what actually happened is that a plane crashed on the edge of town that had a cargo hold full of $100 bills, or possibly Chuck E. Cheese ski-ball tickets.

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Dick Tracy, 5/31/22

I apologize for my commentary yesterday in which I claimed that Dick Tracy would not want to get to the bottom of this whole non-violent bank robbery situation. In fact, there’s nothing Dick would like more than to put these smarty-pants computer-using cyber types in jail, and if they’ve been doing crimes with their IBM PCs, well, that’s just a bonus. I respect the understated way that the Cinnamon Knight, whose whole deal is that he dresses up like a knight from the late middle ages, explains that cyber crime is “not his speciality,” because you can’t stab it with a sword, I guess.

Pluggers, 5/31/22

Man, the combination of “Jingle Bells” being in a thought balloon, the slouch, and the plugger’s heavy-eyed expression sure adds up to a lowkey grim panel. “Jingle Bells,” thinks the plugger tunelessly, thinking about how these days Christmas is about the only thing he can get excited about, with the lights and church service and family all around, while the rest of the year just feels more and more difficult to take, and we’re about halfway between Christmases and it’s hard to imagine holding on for another year but I guess this utility bill isn’t going to mail itself, “jingle bells.”