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Gil Thorp, 3/7/22

You know, I make fun of Gil Thorp a lot for focusing on its characters’ insane hijinks rather than actual high school sports action and coaching, but the dirty truth is that actual high school sports action and coaching are in fact incredibly boring. Oh, the basketball team captain thinks that the girl currently playing guard isn’t doing so great and that she should be in that position instead? I can’t type a “ZZZZZZZZ” long enough to express my lack of interest in this. I am intrigued by the way she’s holding that sandwich in panel one, which I think we can all agree is very much not the way someone holds a sandwich if they’re intending to eat it any time soon. I assume that she’s just keeping it at the ready so if anyone disagrees with her assessment of Maddie’s poor performance she can chuck it directly into their face.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/7/22

So Marianne really did get nominated for an Oscar, for playing Les’s dead wife Lisa! Apparently the screenwriter/guy whose life the movie was based on did not snag an Oscar ceremony invite, which: LOL. Still, these people are talking about parties that Mason and Marianne have pointedly not been invited to because they’re afraid he might show up.

Pluggers, 3/7/22

[For this bit, I’m a caveman outraged that people in the future don’t recognize my culture’s achievements] Hey, buddy, ever heard of fire? Idiot.

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Family Circus, 2/25/22

I was going to do a joke about Dolly undermining her parents’ Flat Earth beliefs in front of PJ, but then I got a look at the utter, inky blackness outside the window. She definitely lives in some nightmare-dimension where the Sun has vanished, possibly forever, leaving the Keane Kompound as the last speck of light in a vanishing universe. Dolly’s little lie to PJ now seems like a final act of kindness before they too are snuffed out forever.

Pluggers, 2/25/22

Pluggers may not have insurance and may not be able to afford any actual medication to put in their medicine cabinet, but they still have a “health care plan”: to die with dignity by drinking a bunch of hotel shampoo after they diagnose themselves with a terminal disease from information they found on WebMD.

Mary Worth, 2/25/22

I’m not sure “uncanny” is a compliment in this context? Like, yes, Toby has probably figured out what’s going on here and does want to get laid, but she had to bite her tongue to keep herself from following it with “valley.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/25/22

You hear that, Rex and “Kyle”? This criminal absolutely doesn’t give a shit about you! You’re lucky your daughter/coauthor’s cute!

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Mary Worth, 2/18/22

Look, I’m not going trying to draw any particular conclusions here, but it is really true that a surprising number of Mary Worth plots involve romances with eyebrow-raising age gaps! You know, Zak-Iris, Dawn-Harlan, Dawn-Dr. Drew, Ian-Toby … and now Toby-Cal? Toby has been whining about her birthday all week, but maybe she’s finally hit that magical age when she can stop being inappropriately young for her sexual partners, like Dawn, and instead can start finding sexual partners who are inappropriately young for her, like Iris. The c-i-i-r-r-cle of life!

Pluggers, 2/18/22

Wait. What. What? You’re telling me there are European pluggers? No. Absolutely not. Actually, hold up, that’s not a very Italian looking name, which leads me to believe that this is an American living in Rome. The only thing less plugger than a European is an American expat in Europe. I demand that this panel be stricken down by the plugger court of arbitration (which consists of three manimals lingering over all-you-can drink coffee at a diner somewhere, to the annoyance of the wait staff).