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Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/23/20

Well, it looks like Rex Morgan, M.D.’s “Lockdown Stories” isn’t going just involve Michelle tearfully being separated from her husband so she can work the COVID ward, and, uh, Rex gleefully being separated from his family so he can work in the COVID ward; we’re also getting … THE RETURN OF RENE, BABY!

Rene! You know we always want more Rene!

Remember, Rene was introduced as an amiable art teacher/former forger when Woody Wilson was writing the strip, but under current writer Terry Beatty has become a criminal mastermind, with grifts ranging from classic comics fraud to new age scam artistry. You’d think that a global pandemic wouldn’t require the services of this strip’s only actual villain to ramp up the drama, but now that he’s here I’m sure we’re going to learn he’s into some fun stuff. Will it be PPE hoarding? Hawking colloidal silver as a COVID-19 miracle cure? Did he develop the novel coronavirus in a lab specifically to make Buck’s life miserable? Can’t wait to find out!

Six Chix, 8/23/20

Note that the lady in this strip is sipping coffee or perhaps tea from her mug as she enjoys her weekend crossword, probably in the middle of the afternoon, while the dude is walking around holding a glass of wine (who even knows how many he’s had at this point), drunk and belligerent and looking to ruin somebody’s day. It’s dark!

Dennis the Menace, 8/23/20

Did you ever think about how Mr. Wilson, the gruff antagonist in the syndicated newspaper comic strip Dennis the Menace, probably has a pretty depressing life? Well, today’s Dennis the Menace would very much like you to think about it, for some reason!

Beetle Bailey, 8/23/20

Man, if exuberant and energetic displays of joy make you mad, you should probably not work in an ice cream parlor!

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Blondie, 8/12/20

It’s both incredibly sad and entirely predictable that Mr. Dithers, in a moment of madness, gave Dagwood the power to authorize any spending he wanted out of company coffers, and instead of immediately draining every DithCo account dry and disappearing to whatever tropical island nation without an extradition treaty with the US has the best sandwiches, he instead bought a panini press for the breakroom. Truly pathetic.

Mark Trail, 8/12/20

Meanwhile, this Mark Trail rerun is here to cement Mark’s place as the most level-headed man on the comics page. Did Mark get nominated for a major award? He’s grateful not for the glory or recognition, but that his work has touched readers around the world. Is he excited about traveling to New York for the ceremony? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, there are a lot of other great nominees, so he’ll be staying in Lost Forest until he gets word that he won, thanks. Of course, by that time he’ll be trapped at the Trail compound because the only road out has been blocked by beaver-felled trees, but there’s no way he could know that now.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/12/20

Sure, the coronavirus epidemic has killed hundreds of thousands of people and disrupted the world economy in unprecedented ways, but look on the bright side: it’s provided a great excuse for Rex to not have to share a bedroom with his wife!

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/9/20

Oh, God, sorry to be the insufferable Los Angeles geography knower but a week ago we were told this fire was called the Point Dume fire, presumably because it had started around Point Dume in Malibu, and today we’re told it’s reached the “Hills of West Hollywood,” by which I guess they mean the hills just north of West Hollywood, there are no actual hilly neighborhoods in the city of West Hollywood proper but never mind that. Anyway, there’s really only one problem with this, which is that if a fire had spread from Malibu to West Hollywood, probably no newscaster would be standing just feet away from it because it would be a thirty-mile wall of flame that managed to jump two freeways, destroy the Getty Center and several extremely wealthy neighborhoods, and just generally be an insane catastrophe that would send literally millions of people fleeing pell-mell from the destruction!

Anyway, this post is mostly for my mom, who’s very convinced every time there’s a fire in LA that our house is on the verge of burning down. Our house isn’t gonna burn down, mom! We’re way too far from any natural vegetation for that to happen. The way LA’s gonna kill us is from the car exhaust from the massive freeway interchange half a mile away, which is not as dramatic.

Curtis, 8/9/20

You know what filled me with absolute, unalloyed delight in today’s comics? Bugsy, the fly who understands what you say! This is insane and kind of out of character for this strip and I love all of it — the big cute eyes on Bugsy, the way he he gestures with all six of his limbs, the overwrought reactions from all his victims! I’d actually argue that he doesn’t just understand when you’re talking about killing him: he also knows what you value most, which is honestly much creepier.

Gasoline Alley, 8/9/20

As far as strips in today’s comics where the characters watch a deranged commercial go, Gasoline Alley is sadly a distant second to Curtis. What exactly is the implication of the exchange in the final panel? Is Rufus planning on shitting in the cans? Is that it?

Panels from Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/9/20

Oh, finally, America’s #1 medical soap opera comic is going to actually grapple with the biggest medical crisis in the last century! Unfortunately, based on the “Lockdown Stories” title, I suspect we’ll be seeing less of Rex telling nurses from across the room to turn patients over onto their stomach and being given 10,000 doses of remdesivir without asking for or really needing them, and more Buck working from home trying to sell music and art from guys who were famous 30 years ago over the internet while his wife takes care of his newborn son and very quickly comes to loathe him.