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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/8/19

Hello, major media brands! Are you looking to increase awareness of your properties among hard-to-reach demographics, like shut-ins and the elderly? Consider in-story messaging within the King Features line of trusted continuity strips! We’ve already laid the groundwork by having Wilbur Weston, the comics’ most unappealing character, inform readers that streaming media services exist. And for a surprisingly reasonably partnership fee, mildly beloved Rex Morgan, M.D., character Mindy could actually say the name of your show while she remains immobile in bed for the next several weeks, rather than just hinting at its plot! Be sure to act now to accommodate comics publishing’s 12-18 week lead time so that your property gets name-checked just in time for it to “drop” (as the kids say) on streaming!

Mutts, 9/8/19

I know I almost never talk about Mutts on this site, but when the adorable lisping animals suddenly start contemplating the total genocide of the human race? As a human who doesn’t want to be genocided, that’s when I sit up and take notice.

The Phantom, 9/8/19

The Ghost-Who-Walks has kept the Deep Woods under his protection for hundreds of years! But can he defend against the newest, most deadly threat yet: gentrification?

Six Chix, 9/8/19

The world is burning, life is madness … should Six Chix get into piss stuff? Sure. Why not. Lol nothing matters!

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Mary Worth, 9/30/19

Oh, good, now that Dawn’s romantic situation is more or less settled for the moment, we can move on and focus on Wilbur’s romantic situation, because, presumably, we’re all dead and in some very specifically tailored hell where we can’t stop reading about the sex lives of the various dopey members of the Weston clan. You’ll of course recall that Wilbur and the lovely, well-heeled but unlucky in love widow Estelle connected via dating app a few months ago. Naturally Wilbur reacted to this turn of good fortune by peacing out to Mozambique without figuring out the terms of their relationship. “It’s all good,” Wilbur thought as he got on that jet. “Obviously women can’t live without me, so creating this ambiguity will just send her into a Wilbur-love frenzy and she’ll be wrapped around my finger by the time I get back. Definitely my absence won’t lead to her getting involved with somebody else, sending me into an extremely hilarious emotional tailspin, which is exactly what happened in my last relationship.”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/30/19

I have to admit to being utterly charmed by how gobsmacked Snuffy is by this development. “Checkers? Checkers that you can eat? And the eating creates a new incentive within the context of the game rules? This. Changes. Everything.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/30/19

Oh, I’m sorry, do you think the plots in Rex Morgan, M.D., are “slow moving” and “dull”? Well, we’re going to physically immobilize our characters one by one, until you beg for the level of excitement we’ve been dishing out up to this point. You’ll beg, do you hear us?

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Family Circus, 9/22/19

I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think the joke in today’s Family Circus is too subtle for me. Is it that they both look smug in the final panel because they each think they’ve pulled one over on the other — Ma Keane because she’s talked Jeffy down to a goldfish, Jeffy because the goldfish is what he wanted all along, but he “went big” with his requests so that she’d be more willing to get him a goldfish? I don’t think Jeffy’s actually smart enough to pull that off. I think Ma Keane is looking smug because she talked Jeffy down to getting a goldfish, and Jeffy looks smug because he realized he can eat the goldfish.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/22/19

Oh hey, in case you forgot, Buck, who’s having a new baby with Mindy, already has an old baby — what scientist call a “teen” — from his previous marriage (not to the lady who shot him in the head, the one before that). Anyway, here Buck is having a man-to-man talk with his teen son about how great it is that his teen son knows how to poop in a toilet. They seem like they have fun!

Shoe, 9/22/19

I really love how completely depressed this lady looks here, just utterly wrecked by how poorly the evening has gone up till this point. Clearly the date is unsalvageable, so why not open the dinner conversation with “Hey, you ever eat anything that just gave you the shits real bad?”