Post Content

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/13/15

Oh, boy, everybody, Milton’s son Hugh is back! I barely touched on him in my summary of the last Avery International storyline a couple weeks ago, but trust me: Hugh is hilarious. He tried to take over the company once, already! He was so annoying that Rex decided to mess up his schemes, not out of feelings of friendship for Heather but out of pure spite! He wandered around a parking garage aimlessly with Rex, then had to sit in the Morgans’ ice-cream befouled car! He doesn’t even like his dad, with good reason! He doesn’t really understand what a nurse is! He insulted June’s wine! He flailed around amusingly when he realized he’d been scammed! He got hilariously drunk and maudlin, and was subsequently hilariously hungover! He pathetically begged June to be nice to him! He was visibly unsettled when his stepmother practically flashed him, but soldiered on with his apology! He almost got blown up! Then … I actually don’t know how it ended up with him? I thought he and Heather sort of made up, but now he’s trying to take the company away from her again? Or maybe this is another Avery son, in which case I’m going to feel pretty dumb for having spent the last half an hour hunting down all those links. Anyway, just to remind you that the person attempting to gain control of the company by marshaling support among the stockholders who ultimately own it is the bad guy in this storyline, and we’re supposed to be rooting for the person who had her mentally incompetent husband appoint her a company director.

Mark Trail, 9/13/15

“People aren’t born being naturally afraid of snakes! They learn to be afraid of them when they find out that many of them can inject you with deadly poison with their long, terrifying fangs. Anyway, you know who isn’t afraid of snakes? Mongooses! That’s because snake venom doesn’t affect them. You should probably be afraid of snakes, though. THEY HAVE MOTHERFUCKING POISON TEETH”

Post Content

Gil Thorp, 9/9/15

If there’s one thing Gil Thorp does well, it’s call back to beloved (?) characters from the past, so as soon as it became clear that we were supposed to know who Holly Dobbs is, I Googled “holly dobbs gil thorp” and … guys. Guys. This article from 1993 says that Holly Dobbs is GIL’S EX-GIRLFRIEND, a former Milford English teacher/aspiring actor who he was about to propose to when she got cast in a play in fancy New York City and left Milford behind her … forever. Or, you know, for 38 years, since that story ran in newspapers in 1967. But now she’s back and I sincerely hope that the implications of both this strip and this strip hold, i.e., that she was secretly also dating Marty during her Milford life, and that now, with her acting career dead, she’s returning to teach high school as some sort of awful reality show stunt, meaning the hot Gil-Holly-Marty love triangle action will be broadcast to fans nationwise.

Archie, 9/9/15

It’s kind of weird that this whole strip is just bathed in a urine-colored omnipresent glow, but if you were a colorist confronted with Archie strip where the joke involves Jughead stink-breathing “VICTOR HUGO,” and also, completely out of character, recognizing a Victor Hugo quote, you too might decide that you don’t get paid enough for this shit.

Mary Worth, 9/9/15

“I mean, not literally. That would’ve been great! I could’ve used that card to rent a room at a nice hotel! Instead I have to hide out here with you, ugh.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/9/15

“I’ll see what I can do! About the patriarchy, I mean. I’m a former nanny who married her way into the upper corporate echelons, so I’m trying to bring it down from the inside.”

Crankshaft, 9/9/15

I’m starting to think Ralph Meckler’s probably not going to win this election, guys.

Post Content

Mark Trail, 9/1/15

I see Lesley is still irritated enough with Mark to play games, shipping the equipment they need but making them solve her elaborate puzzle to figure out where it’s going. Fortunately Ken’s local smarts will crack her code! Fortunately also Ken’s already festooned his car with skulls, preparing for the Mad Max-style post-nuclear apocalypse that this lost radioactive material presumably presages.

Apartment 3-G, 9/1/15

It’s sad how difficult it is to tell in the current dreamscape atmosphere of Apartment 3-G whether Margo is meant to be dissociated and confused or the strip itself is dissociative and confusing, but it’s clear that our gal Magee is in trouble. “I don’t have time to play crazy with you” is an extremely sick burn, and normally she’d be returning it in kind instead of begging for companionship.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/1/15

Ha ha, yes, this all seems like an extremely up-and-up series of actions that probably doesn’t constitute corporate malfeasance, at all!

Mary Worth, 9/1/15

“Wait, I’m not going to be married to an English professor anymore! I don’t have to worry about any of this ‘how many words are in a word’ crap! I’m free! I’m free!”