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Mark Trail, 4/4/11

Remember a few years ago when Mark’s friend Dan faked his own death by drowning and Mark, thinking he was witnessing a tragedy, begged his friend to “COME ON, DAN. COME TO THE SURFACE!” I’m reminded of that in today’s strip, as Mark orders this plane into the air. Never mind the fact that this particular drug-running aircraft has taken off from exactly this runaway dozens of times; Mark seems to feel that only he can coax it airborne. I was going to say that Mark apparently believes that he can lift things or people with his mind, but then I realized that Mark, who speaks aloud every thought he’s ever had, doesn’t really understand the distinction between an inner self and an outer world well enough to really grasp the concept of a “mind” in the first place. I actually think that Mark believes he can lift things or people by shouting at them.

Spider-Man, 4/4/11

“Well, gee, I thought I was fighting him just moments ago, but if he and the woman who loves him say that I wasn’t, I must be wrong! I mean, what motivation do they have to lie about it?”

Beetle Bailey, 4/4/11

Sarge needs Beetle active and productive, and if that means getting him back on the meth, then so be it.

Apartment 3-G, 4/4/11

She wasn’t quite subtle enough this morning, but one of these days, Margo’s going to trick Tommie into coming out.

Panel from Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/4/11

Rex Morgan is still very focused on its increasingly uninteresting lottery drama, but that doesn’t mean it can’t liven things up with a mustachioed man cramming an entire hamburger down his throat in one gulp.

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/1/11

Ha ha, let’s all laugh at some privileged, sheltered high school student passing out after she had her nose rubbed in the grim reality of future life in Funkyworld. She was probably taken off guard because the promised horror was economic in nature rather than medical. I take issue with her teacher’s unqualified statement about these doomed post-Millennials or Gen Z-ers or whatever we’re calling them being “the first generation” to suffer an economic decline: I think Americans who came of age in, say, the 1930s might have something to say about that, or their grandparents who went through the now largely forgotten dramatic boom-bust cycles of economic panics that marked the second half of the 19th century. And then there are all the generations in earlier eras of history, who lived through actual civilizations collapsing completely! But, to be fair, if any more explanatory dialogue, like the phrase “since World War II,” had been added to that enormous word balloon in the second panel, there wouldn’t be any room for the drawings.

Momma, 4/1/11

Momma, don’t you read Funky Winkerbean? Francis is unemployed, unkempt, and sleeping in a pile of his own filth — this is the new mainstream of American life!

Mary Worth, 4/1/11

If you thought that the “Dawn is a desperate Internet junkie” plot was unrealistic, wait until we get into the “Dr. Drew is irresistible to women!” plot. The Dawn plot did end rather abruptly (by this strip’s standards — why, the static, boring rehash of how her problem was solved took less than a week!) and so I have to imagine that these two narrative strands will ultimately come together, hopefully in a manner that will once again result in Dawn smacking the crap out of the libidinous younger Corey.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/1/11

Our storyline’s villains, Flattop and the Mustache, are attempting to take an easily influenced Dex under their wing and reap his rightful share of the lottery winnings. Unfortunately for them, they don’t understand just how easily influenced he is. At the moment when he’s most in need of guidance, his eyes will settle on the waitress’s “Ask me about our pie” button and, like a baby duck imprinting on its mother, will decide that she has all the answers — about pie, and everything else. She’ll end up representing him in court, and her closing arguments will entirely consist of a description of the available desserts. The jury will award Dex the entire amount of the winnings, plus millions in damages, plus, just for good measure, free pie for life.

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Don’t be shocked when I reveal that it’s the last day of the Comics Curmudgeon Spring Fundraiser — hurry!

Everybody waits until Friday for the Big Reveal — check it out:

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/11/11

Panel-three Dex is just flabbergasted: “What? Engage a professional to help us minimize risk and tax exposure as we transfer and apportion a large sum of money? I – I never imagined you would try to pull something like this on your own brother, Berna! YOU MONSTER!”

Funky Winkerbean, 3/11/11

So the Pro-Crastinator‘s superpower is — making excuses? I don’t care, he’s still tougher than Spider-Man. Also: prepare yourself for the shocking revelation that Mope’s “new DC Comics supervillain” has something to do with earthquakes (and nothing at all to do with this guy or these guys).

Spider-Man, 3/11/11

Nobody — just nobody — could have seen this coming: it seems the ex-vampire is a current vampire, even though he said he wasn’t! Why, it’s as though criminals somehow can’t be trusted! With all the TV Parker watches, has he never seen an episode of Law and Order? Hey, that’s gotta be some kind of superpower right there!

I can’t shake the impression that the vampire’s name is really Möbius and we’ve gone ’round this strip before.

Mark Trail, 3/11/11

Oh look, the minion is named Juan and the boss is named Otto: it’s an international drug ring! Expect covert meetings with Sven and Ching, and lots of hilarious Teutonic drug and pimp lingo: “Süßen witwe Mutter-Hosen — kommst du hier mit mein knackenpfeife schnell, oder Ich zeige Ihnen mein Zuhälter Hand!” [Tr.]

Rex Morgan, M.D. and Mark Trail, 3/11/11 (panels, retouched)

OK, it’s official — actual people are no longer allowed to say “that’s not going to happen.”

Mein Zuhälter Hand!

— Uncle Lumpy