Post Content

Mary Worth, 8/6/08

Most scientists agree that today’s Mary Worth — in which Toby completes an e-commerce transaction with a click of the F10 button, then contemplates checking her e-mail — contains the least amount of action that can possibly sustain two panels. However, based on observations from the past few installments of this strip, tomorrow’s Mary Worth will almost certainly contain even less of interest, causing the local time continuum to ground to a halt. Friday’s strip will then take place on Wednesday, as the timeflow begins to unspool in reverse. It’s unclear what the cosmic consequences for this violation of the rules of nature will be, but it can’t be good.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/6/08

The second and third panels of this strip contain a delightful study in contrasts. In panel two, June’s manic grin is wholly inappropriate for someone proposing to spend a painful week alone with her surly, disinterested husband; in panel three, Rex reacts to the suggestion with a stone-faced mask that barely conceals mounting panic, as if — oh, I don’t know, his wife had walked in on him having sex with another guy in the laundry room, to pick a random example out of thin air for no reason.

It’s worth noting that this blog’s murky opening days covered the tail end of a Rex Morgan, M.D., storyline that involved our medical couple going on a disastrous white-water rafting trip. I’m pretty sure that this was for fun (meeting my definition of a “vacation,” anyway) and Sarah was very much alive at that point, as Rex and June decided to fire their nanny during the drive home.

Curtis, 8/6/08

Good Lord! It’s so hot that Ms. Honeystump has been emblackened!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 8/6/08

dear God WHERE ARE THEY GOING TO PUT THAT TRANSMITTER

Post Content

Family Circus, 8/2/08

OK, congratulations Bil, or Jeff, or Jeffy, or Billy age 7, or Glen, or whatever combination of blurred notional and actual people, past and present, I’m supposed to accept as the perpetrator of this comic: you have officially baffled me. After long contemplation, I finally realized what this damn thing is supposed to mean: Pastor Brown is rehearsing his sermon just before he goes out to start the service, ha ha. But my mind took some terrible turns to get there. Did his vision of Christ-like meekness and humility involve hiding from his congregation lest his position of leadership at the pulpit give rise to the sin of pride? Had he attempted to revive the ascetic practices of the early Christians, causing his legs to wither from the years he spent sitting atop a pillar? In the end, I was forced to spend valuable brain energy on this pointless play on words. Pastor Brown may offer you forgiveness, but I won’t.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/2/08

“Ha ha, another underfunded government agency’s going to be on the receiving end of a frivolous lawsuit! Luckily, neither of us work for them, and you won’t catch my daughter going to some hellhole of a public school, so we don’t have to care! Good luck with that, losers! I sure hope one of your employees has enough copious free time to stalk your way out of the predicament.”

Marmaduke, 8/2/08

This would be a good opportunity for one of my usual cheap “Marmaduke eats humans” gags, but in fact it seems more likely that Marmaduke is bringing a human home for his owners to eat.

Dennis the Menace, 8/2/08

“So that’s why we’re practicin’ how to hide a body.”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 8/1/08

I’m sorry, did I sarcastically imply that yesterday’s strip, in which a restaurant bill was paid, was some sort of apex of boringness? That was before today, when Toby tried and failed to find a boring documentary and contemplated engaging in e-commerce. It’s not going to get any worse than this, right? Right? Please don’t test me!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/1/08

Oh, those extra-thorough county health officials! Naturally, when inspecting private home for contagious diseases, they also do a careful search for residue from illegal drugs! Because it’s a well known facts that drug-addicted degenerates are also diseased! I’m just sorry we didn’t get to see them give a urine test to a bunch of old gym mats.

Shoe, 8/1/08

So … Senator Belfry wants to take you up in him? Senator Belfry wants you to spend time in a basket dangling from his underside? This is the sort of joke that sounds like it’s supposed to be dirty, but dissolves into incoherence when you think about it for more than 15 seconds. The fact that I spend more than 15 seconds thinking about Shoe is probably one of my major life problems.

I do like the fact that the good Senator isn’t even bothering to sit next to his latest floozy. Because actually making conversation with your mistress is for those losers in the House.