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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/15/07

Rex has gone totally insane with his hiring decisions today, but, since his clinic for uninsured children has no obvious source of income, I suppose that an ex-meth-lab employee — excuse me, an incompetent ex-meth-lab employee — is about the best he can hope for. She’ll probably have a harder time blowing the place up on her first day, at least.

I’m kind of touched that May is raising her right hand like she’s making some kind of legally binding declaration. What is she swearing that oath on, her morphine drip?

Curtis, 3/15/07

Curtis has gone totally insane this week, but there are compensations. The smug look on the donkey’s face in panel four is pretty funny; so is the pattern on Mrs. Nelson’s dress.

Crock, 3/15/07

Crock has also gone totally insane. This being Crock, there are no compensations, just a bunch of Frenchmen standing around in the desert next to an inexplicably enormous button.

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Mary Worth, 3/13/07

Following hot on the heels of yesterday’s tush-grope fest, we find that Vera has learned something very important about interacting with Ben: don’t let him sneak up behind you, and guard your genitals at all time.

There’s something about the “ha-ha.”, complete with period, in the second panel of this strip that just disturbs the hell out of me. We can see why Ben’s doing so well at Creepy Lack Of Affect Advertising Agency, what with his unlaugh barely hiding his stalking intentions. “Surely you aren’t trying to escape me … and my grabby hands … just because I have access to your HR records and your old address … ha-ha.”

Slylock Fox, 3/13/07

You know, if I wrote a comic aimed at young children populated by anthropomorphic animals, I might gloss over some of the more disturbing aspects of the great web of life on this planet, but hey, Slylock Fox, don’t let me stop you from traumatizing millions of bunny-loving kiddies everywhere. This feature has never shied away from depicting various terrified prey animals in their natural habitat, but there’s something about the civilized setting here that just makes this so much wronger. What I wonder is: who did that big, juicy steak on Leo’s plate just get sliced off of? And who did the slicing?

Judge Parker, 3/13/07

Wait, are you two ladies moaning about what a pain it’s going to be to inherit four enormous European mansions? That’s it, I hate you, I don’t care how sexy you are. I hope you get mugged by punk rockers! Which you almost certainly will, in six to eight months.

Gil Thorp, 3/13/07

One of the things I love best about Gil Thorp is that I read it every day and I still don’t know what the hell is going on half the time. For instance, did you know that Snoopy Reporter Girl is also on the basketball team? I sure didn’t? Also, do you know her name? I sure don’t!

My very favorite thing about this strip is clearly the disembodied set of alien tentacles that’s perched on Rick’s shoulder in the first panel; fortunately, Snoopy Reporter Girl is a good four feet away and can flee if it attacks her. Also awesome is Rick’s casual diagonal leaning pose in panel three. When Von Haney did it on the radio, it signified extreme smugness, but here I think it denotes an increasing weariness at these bush-league Woodward and Bernstein antics — weariness surely shared by everyone following along at home.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/13/07

With all the talk of failed drug tests, this is probably the first patented Rex Morgan, M.D., up-the-nostril shot that’s actually kind of relevant to the storyline.

Pluggers, 3/13/07

A plugger’s contempt for local restaurateurs is matched only by his hostility towards his own circulatory system.

Dennis the Menace, 3/13/07

Dennis’ menacing hits yet another new low as he fobs off the task of antagonizing his baby-sitter — previously a core menacing competency — onto some random person on the phone.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/10/07

I think the Beetle Bailey installments that put the Halftracks’ soul-crushing sham of a marriage under a microscope are quickly becoming my least favorites (and yes, I’m as surprised as anyone to find that my hitherto blanket distaste towards this strip has become granular enough for me to start having “least favorites”). Anyway, this strip gets extra non-bonus points for contrasting the General’s for once seemingly genuine concern about his wife’s health with Mrs. Halftrack’s bitter “punchline” about her husband’s very serious drinking problem.

She’s one to talk, though, as she’s already holding his bottle of discount hooch before he even gives her the opening for her cutting remark. Presumably she needs to get liquored up before she can emotionally handle having “relations” with her incompetent husband, who openly holds her in contempt.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/10/07

OK, Abbey bringing down Elvis was funny, but Abbey holding the police at bay is ludicrous, and, more importantly, June’s smugness about it is just disturbing. Niki’s straight off the streets, so you know he likes to see the po-po humbled, but June ought to be putting up at least a pretense of respecting the authority of law enforcement. Rex looks fairly dubious in panel one, but as usual has decided that not doing or saying anything is the best way out of any situation.

(Many commentors have suggested that this “police officer” is a phony, part of some larger double game being played by Elvis, Eight-Ball, and their meth-dealing associates. I suppose it’s possible, but I’m not sure if Rex Morgan really has that advanced a twist built in to it, and wouldn’t a hardened criminal be even less afraid of a French Brittany than a cop?)

Crankshaft, 3/10/07

I hate revisiting this “alpha mom” storyline as much as you do, but I do think it’s worth noting that the Crankshaft’s school district uses the Alamo as its bus depot. And has painted it pink.