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Beetle Bailey, 2/8/08

I’m a man of great complexity and great misanthropy; thus, while I always complain when boring legacy comics like Beetle Bailey are stupid and painfully obvious, I also reserve the right to complain when they’re stupid and completely opaque. Is this supposed to be some kind of cutting commentary on “modern art”? Is the wall-squiggle supposed to be what the already stylized medium of graffiti art would look like rendered in the stylized, cartoonish world of Beetle Bailey? Is there in fact something wrong with the mouth? I’m confused. Confused and angry.

Gil Thorp, 2/8/08

Gil Thorp, meanwhile, remains a pure, soothing delight. I hope that the whole town of Milford bands together to help track Andrew’s every movement out of a sort of exasperated affection for his obviously unhinged stalkee. The A-Train will eventually be driven to madness and suicide by the constant feeling of being watched by everyone he encounters. Remember, it takes a village to stalk a child!

One Big Happy, 2/8/08

I can’t believe it’s been more than a year and a half since the last appearance of Earl the Weird Vacuum Cleaner Lovin’ Kid, possibly the greatest One Big Happy incidental character in history. Today’s strip mainly seems dedicated to using the word “suck” in a way will shock the bluehairs but technically won’t be the least bit dirty, but I’m much more unsettled by just how amorous Earl’s getting with the vacuum in the final panel.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/8/08

It’s OK for me to enjoy Rex’s usual look of smug dickishness being replaced in the final panel here with one of pure sliding-down-the-mountain terror because I know he’s going to come out of it more or less unharmed. I mean, his name is on the strip, right? It’s not like they’d rename it Rex Morgan, Mud-Caked Mouldering Corpse, would they?

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Don’t you hate it when people shout out warnings to fictional characters about to do something dumb? Well then, you definitely don’t want to go to the movies with me! Here’s how I cheesed off the neighbors this morning:

Funky Winkerbean, 2/7/08

“Aw, Funky — don’t you understand? They love Montoni’s just the way it is!” Just like somebody must love this plot, since it shows up in every sitcom ever written. Honestly, you’d think there were no professional writers around to help with this stuff. . . . And didn’t Brad and TJ do the “funny fixup” routine just a couple months ago? If Funky Winkerbean takes plot cues from Luann, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/7/08

“You’re low on blood, low on meds, and have one working arm. It’s raining and freezing out there, Rex has your pistol, and cellphones do not work that way! And you think Faith is the idiot?”

Mark Trail, 2/7/08

In three parts: 1. “Oh no, you are not going to walk away from a perfectly good airplane!” 2. “Well, get down, then!” 3. “Run, Andy, run! Run like the wind, far from the clutches of Mark and the community, and never look back! — Good dog!”

Slylock Fox, 2/7/08

And this news item: fresh from his My Cage and Pearls before Swine triumphs, Bob Weber, Jr. adds another to his string of edgy crossovers.

— Uncle Lumpy

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/5/08

In Rex Morgan, M.D., clueless yuppies Rex and June Morgan wait in lines, drive in circles, play golf and natter on about ice cream. Meanwhile, all the interesting people they meet in their pointless existence get shot, kidnapped, lost at sea or incinerated, to the reader’s great loss. Sufferin’ Lee here will soon join their ranks — the only suspense is the nature of his demise. But before he goes, I want to thank him for proving that Rex Morgan, M.D. will practice medicine, although only when threatened at gunpoint.

Judge Parker, 2/5/08

What appears to be a modest flirtation between Hero Steve and “Get Me a Sandwich” Fake Law Partner Gloria thinly masks Gloria’s desperate search for a surgeon to correct her failing eyesight. If she doesn’t get those lids up soon, it’ll be the blind leading the lame all the way to the bus stop.

Apartment 3G, 2/5/08

OK, this has nothing to do with medicine, except that Alan’s gonna need some if he keeps up this guff. Great to see Margo back on her game after her brief dark night of the soul. And while it’s common for Apartment 3G to introduce a guy who looks like every other guy in this strip, this is the first mop that looks like every other guy in the strip.

P.S. In case you missed this post by faithful reader name (yes, that’s right), the Sunday Toronto Star carried this thoughtful article about both comic strip mockery and why tired strips survive. The article quotes Josh, and offers links to This Week in Milford, Reynard Noir, and several other local favorites. Worth a look!

Uncle Lumpy