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Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/27/06

Poor White Trash Momma; she looks so hurt in the last panel. It’s like she was excited about finally actually using her chemistry degree and now Nikki just made it seem so dirty. Some lab safety advice, dear: you might want to get a longer shirt, because when the makeshift equipment explodes (as it almost certainly will), you’re going to want to have as little exposed flesh as possible.

It’s about time that Rex Morgan tackled the meth epidemic sweeping across the lower economic strata of America. Despite this strip’s attempt to engage with cutting-edge social problems, it was beaten to that particular punch by more than two years by Mary Worth of all things. And speaking of that, can we please, please, please count on this fellow being WTM’s boss?

If you’re tragically unfamiliar with Tommy the Tweaker — surely one of the greatest Mary Worth characters in living memory — start here and work your way forward.

Dennis the Menace, 10/27/06

The thing that really bothers me about this panel is the single bead of sweat on Mr. Wilson’s forehead. I’m pretty sure this is his last moment of sanity before he snaps into a child-murdering rage.

Mary Worth, 10/27/06

Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, Ella is wasting no time in getting busy with the local ladies. First stop: Iris Beedle, mother to the aforementioned Tommy and, improbably, girlfriend to Commandante Combover, who’s strolling rather smugly about six feet in front of her. Iris’ dating history indicates that she’s generally been of the heterosexual persuasion, but a relationship with Wilbur would probably be enough to turn anybody off men forever, so it shouldn’t be a surprise that she’s eager to take a detour to “discover” things “about each other” with a total stranger without even bothering to say goodbye to her boyfriend.

Perhaps the first sign of Iris’ disenchantment with Wilbur is that she’s stopped dying her hair. Ella loves you just the way you are, dear: a nice brunette in purple pants.

Judge Parker, 10/27/06

Everybody had State College Bobby down as a threat to poor Raju, but here he’s showing off his cultural sensitivity as he stands up to Shiny-Headed Mohawk Man. Sadly for him, though, there are, in fact, people from India who belong to tribes, but it’s the thought that counts.

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Mary Worth, 10/15/06

Can I confess something to you? Like Toby, I’m looking for closure: Closure on the Aldo storyline. Sadly, I think this may be as close as we’re going to get. I think the best we can say about Mary’s thought-balloon trip here, which is redolent of an old Burma Shave ad, is that it’s short and to the point. At least she’s trying to make a good show of things: her moronic trio of friends are just openly gawking at her, as if they’d never seen an act of human kindness before in their lives.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/15/06

I was going to say that Rex contemplating whether or not June should quit her job without actually, you know, asking June is a bit retrograde, but then I realized that this is coming from the same creative team that’s having June parade about in a towel for our titillation.

It’s interesting that Rex is encouraging the only other medical professional who works in his practice to quit, especially since he recently agreed to help out at a free clinic for uninsured children. Maybe he finds being around his wife such a distasteful reminder of the heterosexual façade that is his life that he’s looking for any way to minimize his contact with her. “Yes, honey, you stay home with little Sarah, while I work at our practice … and the children’s clinic … I’ll be home … next week … maybe …”

Of course, it’s possible I’m misreading this and that Rex is talking about quitting his job for a while. In which case, I’m actually looking forward to the adventures of Rex Morgan, Unshaven and Unemployed Layabout.

Dennis the Menace, 10/15/06

In an attempt to recapture his “menacing” cred, Dennis assumes the powers of divine judgement and condemns Margaret to everlasting hellfire!

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For Better Or For Worse, 10/9/06

Well! The witnesses need to stay in town, you say? That sure is inconvenient for any of the witnesses that might have out-of-town boyfriends that they’re trying to build a relationship with! And plenty convenient for total losers who have nowhere else to go but might be able to wear down the objects of their affection with their constant mewly, schlumpy presence! Yes, it appears that every aspect of Liz’s near-rape ordeal has been calculated to ease Anthony’s wooing process. Years from now, they had better have a good child therapist on retainer for the moment when their kids finally ask the inevitable “So how did you guys finally get together” question.

Note also that Anthony is staring at Liz’s ass in the first panel.

I’d say that we’re at least going to get an introduction to Canada’s fascinating, British-derived legal system out of all this, but surely the only law this strip will be obeying is the Law of Narrative Convenience. For starters, who exactly is this bald fellow our power couple is talking to? Ontario’s official Junior Minister for Exposition?

B.C., 10/9/06

Things this deranged B.C. might possibly mean:

1. Columbus’ actions upon his “discovery” of Hispaniola began a legacy of enslavement and genocide that forever tainted the European colonial enterprise in the Americas.
2. What we need are more leaders like Columbus, who don’t let considerations of “political correctness” prevent them from getting done what needs to be done.
3. Them colored folk sure are good at the ball games.
4. MADNESS MADNESS MADNESS

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/9/06

“Elvis.” Huh. I … I don’t think any of us were expecting that. Well played, Rex Morgan, well played.