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Six Chix, 10/10/22

Man, it’s been a while since there’s been a Six Chix with so many specific inexplicable details as this one, and I feel like we need to kick off the week by celebrating it! “Back to the land” generally refers to a movement in the ’60s and ’70s where people rejected modern industrial society and moved to rural areas to live in ways they hoped would be more self-sufficient and connected to the earth. What does this have to do with robots? Why is the back to the land robot carrying a bindle, like it’s a hobo or a child pretending to run away from home in a old-timey comic? Why doesn’t the back to the land robot have legs? Is it significant that the other robot is plugged into the wall? Why is now a particularly panic-inducing time for this trip back to the land to happen? Is the plugged-in robot flailing his arms around in panic like the Lost In Space robot, or is he finger quoting around “back to the land”? Feel free to wildly speculate about the answers to all these questions in the comments, but I assure you that you will never figure it out.

Gil Thorp, 10/10/22

Milford’s new trans student Tobias is also the newest Mudlark, recruited as a kicker after Gil saw him playing soccer. This is big news! The traditionalist Gil Thorp readership needs to be introduced to the idea in the most Gil Thorp way possible: by having him pull off an deranged trickeration play (a rainbow kick, to be clear, is a soccer move) that we only have described to us while two other characters that we’ve never seen before look at the off-panel action. Why is mohawk dude telling Guy “you gotta see this” when Guy is clearly looking directly at the football field, just like mohawk dude is? Did Guy close his eyes so he didn’t have to see the woke hellscape? This too is classic Gil Thorp, and I appreciate it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 10/10/22

Oh yeah, in Rex Morgan, Hank Jr. and his long-distance girlfriend got married! It all happened off-panel, but don’t worry, they’re here to assure you that it wasn’t very interesting and you didn’t miss anything.

Dennis the Menace, 10/10/22

Ugh, it’s called athleisure, Dennis, look it up. I guess it’s kind of menacing for an eight-year-old to sound like a furious senior citizen writing a rejected letter to the editor about how women today dress like whores in public, but maybe not in the same spirit of menacing as the strip title intends.

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Judge Parker, 9/29/22

Now that Sam Driver is extremely divorced, he can really get back to his roots as a character, by which I mean solving mysteries and doing other feats of derring-do while Judge Parker spends his time doing boring judge stuff, which is why Sam was introduced into the strip in the 1960s in the first place. Meeting one of your police contacts at some out-of-the-way bar is a classic mystery-solving move, of course, though traditionally I think you’re supposed to be at a grimy dive bar where nobody you know would think to look for you, not some well-appointed hipster place that charges $18 for [squints] ketchup.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/29/22

Oh, yeah, I can’t remember if I’ve actually mentioned it, but Hank Jr.’s big plane trip is to see his long distance girlfriend, who is the daughter of his dad’s high school sweetheart, who owned the diner they’re in now, until she died, and Hank Jr. picked up his new girlfriend at said high school sweetheart’s funeral. I could’ve worded that all less confusingly, but trust me, you don’t really need to know the details, because as you can tell from this strip Hank Jr.’s gonna be dead of a massive coronary by next week at the latest.

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Marvin, 9/20/22

You know I am loath to say anything positive about the syndicated comic strip Marvin, but I have to say that I’m reasonably impressed that the strip is acknowledging that someone who is the parent of an infant and still in the early-to-mid stages of male pattern baldness is not, in fact, of an age to have attended Woodstock, or even Woodstock ’99, but rather would be one of those darn millennials we hear so much about on the news these days. By giving her husband’s exact age, Jenny really opens up a lot of information about his personality. Like, we’ve confirmed that, assuming we’re not dealing with some kind of Doogie Howser situation (and based on his demonstrate intellectual capabilities, I have zero reason to believe that we are), Jeff was in college at the earliest from 2005 to 2009, a full five years after “Who Let The Dogs Out” was released and a full four years and nine months after it had entirely worn out its welcome with literally everyone, meaning that he put it on that college mix CD as an ironic bit. He’s always been terrible, in other words, as further demonstrated by the fact that he’s now buying a turntable just so he can recreate that bit, which would’ve probably been only mildly annoying to the people in his dorm, for his family, who will absolutely hate him for it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/20/22

Think about the stuff that we actually see in Rex Morgan, M.D. Can you imagine how boring this dude’s “story” must’ve been to just be completely elided between today’s strip and yesterday’s? Dude’s been grievously insulted by the narrative structure he’s embedded within, and he’ll never even know it.

The Lockhorns, 9/20/22

God damn it, Leroy is an obsessive Jets fan, not a Giant’s fan. Do I have to be the unpaid keeper of the lore for all of these strips now???