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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 5/13/10

Today’s Snuffy Smith offers a sad commentary on the economic dysfunction deeply ingrained in America’s rural shantytowns. Like virtually everyone in Hootin’ Holler, Susie’s boyfriend has neither the skills nor the opportunities to acquire meaningful work, and presumably makes ends meet through some combination of government assistance and chicken theft. But far from being ashamed of her new beau’s lack of economic utility, Susie can only see that this makes him like all the other men she knows in this isolated, impoverished valley. If he did have a job of some sort, that would mark him out as unusual and possibly a threat to the social order, so she’s happy with him as he is, and the cycle of poverty continues.

It’s also possible that I’m misreading this, and that “does he have an occupation” is hillbilly dialect for “is he constipated.”

Luann, 5/13/10

In typical irritating Luann fashion, Luann and Quill have been discussing the question of whether the two of them will record some pointless CD of Quill’s crappy songs together, with about as much effort and angst going into the negotiations as was involved in the Camp David Accords. What possible good could come of this, we thought? But now — now! — we can see that payoff: a hilarious misunderstanding based on stilted, unnatural dialogue! HEY-yo! I look forward to all of Pitts High buzzing over the fact that Quill and Luann are TOTALLY HAVING THE SEX. There will be tears, rage, confusion, and, eventually, learning.

Shoe, 5/13/10

I’m not sure what exactly this is supposed to mean, other than the usual “Buzz the old man-bird is senile and belligerent and says hilariously inappropriate things,” but it did make me contemplate the fact that, since birds don’t have sphincters at the tail end of their digestive system, they just sort of poop uncontrollably whenever the urge strikes. Which means that the Bird Senate of Shoe-world is encrusted with bird shit at all times! As is every other setting in this strip! OK, now I’ve grossed myself out. Thanks a lot, Buzz.

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Crock, 4/9/10

You have to give a certain amount of credit to a strip that knows its limitations. Crock has repeatedly shown that it is unable to depict supposedly attractive characters as anything other than mangle-faced horrors; thus, to preserve our illusions about Otis’s adorable little girlfriend, it’s best that the strip has chosen to position her so she remains mostly unseen. If only the creators had been wise enough to similarly hide the fact that none of them have a clue what the hell an “iTunes” is.

Shoe, 4/9/10

I know that being one of the birds of Shoe means being cynical and world-weary about everything, but I hope that if I’m ever informed that the spirit of a dead loved one is attempting to communicate with me from beyond the grave, I would respond with something other than a belligerent “So?”

Pluggers, 4/9/10

Pluggers know that “copy editing” is for big city elitists.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/5/10

Say, it’s been a while since we checked in with the refugee-ne’er-do-well wackiness in Rex Morgan, hasn’t it? Today, it seems that Sarah is learning a valuable lesson: that, when you’re in a position of power over someone in a desperate situation, they might give up their most treasured possessions “voluntarily,” just to buy themselves a few more days or hours of survival! This knowledge will come in handy for her future career as a brutal post-apocalyptic warlord.

Unfortunately, Toots is about to learn a similar important lesson as well: when you’re a refugee and not in a position to be economically productive, you only have so many things you can trade away for safety. When Sarah comes back for more — and she will — the pickings will get slimmer, and fast. “Say, little girl, do you want this stripey shirt? All the other kids will think you’re super cool if you’ve got a stripey shirt? Hmm, how about this half-empty paint can? No? Uh … dirty socks? I found some dirty socks over here…”

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/5/10

As part of my policy about being open and honest with you when normally unfunny comics make me laugh, I admit to being amused that Elviney is reading a publication called Tabloid Doin’s. However, the fact that Loweezy is perusing something with a much more conventional name confounded me a bit, and forces me to conclude that in fact Tabloid Doin’s is some kind of trade magazine detailing the hiring and firing of editors at various tabloid publications. “I don’t care what you say, Loweezy! Ain’t nobody in this latest crop o’ gossip maven ken hold a candle to Bonnie Fuller!”

Gil Thorp, 3/5/10

The Mudlark basketball team has once again failed to even make the playdowns, which I’m frankly glad about, as it allows me to focus more energy on Coach Thorp’s increasingly twee wardrobe. First a sweater vest, now some kind of cardigan, complete with a chunky piping? I love it, Gil!

Shoe, 3/5/10

Roz’s interlocutor is in fact a bird; so, while she shouldn’t be anxious about using her wings to travel through the air, being killed, dismembered, fried, and eaten is a legitimate concern.

Jumble, 3/5/10

I kind of love how enthusiastic this guy is about fresh-ground cheese. “Yes! It adds so much flavor! Look, look at this cheese I’m pointing to, everyone! Oh my God, it completely transforms the dish! Keep adding more! Pile on the cheese! Don’t ever stop!”

Pluggers, 3/5/10

You’re a plugger if the terrifying secret government lab that created the man-animal abomination that you are saved money by grafting variously sized torsos onto identical sets of cloned legs.