Archive: Shoe

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Shoe, 10/24/05

Isn’t it enough, O current toilers over at Shoe central, that you have glommed onto the legacy of a successful comic strip and can pretty much blather on in a vaguely amusing fashion over two or three panels every day because if the strip were to get pulled, dozens of doddering Korean War veterans would write nasty leaders saying that they didn’t get strafed by the Red Chinese just so they could come home to a nation so ungrateful that it took their favorite comic out of the paper? Don’t you at least have the common courtesy to make the jokes in Shoe relate in some peripheral way to the characters and/or setting? Did you have no other way to offer up this lame-ass, heaving, flopping, stinking, sorry slab of non-humor than in the context of a completely nonsensical “letter to the editor” that no one would ever, ever write? Were you so bursting with anticipation on this joke that you felt you had to share it with all of us, those who fought honorably in Korea and those who did not? Were there no family barbecues where you could trot out this little number and let it die a deserved death? Were there no brothers in law or adorable towheaded nephews you could inflict it upon? Did it have to be this way? Have you no sense of decency, sirs, at long last? Have you left no sense of decency?

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So I get an e-mail in my in-box today with the exciting subject line “Margo Goes Topless!” Sadly, it’s just faithful reader Scott Brodeur pointing out that Margo’s been prancing around with her blouse off for the past couple of days, which might have been exciting if she hadn’t wearing some Eisenhower-era undergarment the whole time:

I mean, when we’ve already have sexy Margo scenes like this and this, this week’s offerings aren’t so special.

No, what’s of more interest to me in comics land is that I’ve laughed aloud at Shoe for the past two days!

Shoe, 6/20-21/05


I mean, lookie there! Two Shoes in a row that were funny! Although, strictly speaking, I think the first is funnier than the second. And if you really think about it, the set-up for the second doesn’t really make sense — a quick survey the Perfersser’s desk will reveal that he is not in fact suffering from OCD. And … um …

Oh, what the hell. You know it’s what we all want!

Half-naked and … desperate, you say? Hmmm…

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Shoe, 5/18/05

More life lessons from the comics, this time from Shoe. Dragged in front of a judge for a serious crime like stalking? Just placate him with some vaudeville-era jokes — he’ll be too busy enjoying the knee-slapping hilarity to throw the book at you! Here’s a handy chart that will help you prepare your defense.

When the judge says… You say…
“Young man, the police say you’ve robbed at least seven banks in this city alone!” “Well sure, your honor — that’s where the money is!”
“After your last drunk-driving conviction, you were ordered to seek treatment. But when the police pulled you over tonight, your breathalyzer  results was double the legal limit.” “I guess it’s like the old saying — I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!”
“Stop disrupting these proceedings! Order in the court!” “Order in the court, eh? I’d like a large cheese pizza, please — and to go!”
“Blinding your own parents with a red-hot poker — it’s one of the most heinous crimes I’ve ever seen in my long years as a judge. What do you have to say for yourself?” “Hey, they said they didn’t want to see me coming around anymore…”

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