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Mary Worth, 4/26/22

Oh snap, shocking twist! Young Helen used to be young Ian’s … student? Coworker? It’s honestly not clear to me how old either of them is supposed to be now, or whatever the age that each of them is supposed to be is the same as the age the other one is supposed to be, or if they’re 10 or 20 years apart or what. But the point is that clearly she and Ian have some unfinished emotional business, as hinted at on Sunday. I can’t decide which possibility I like better: that the two of them had a torrid pre-Toby relationship, or if Helen was a student who had an unconsummated crush on Ian and is so upset with Toby now because she can’t stand to see another smitten young person being emotionally toyed with by yet another Professor Cameron.

Also, it’s worth (ha!) noting that Ian and Toby moved into Charterstone relatively recently, by which I mean 42 years ago but also they appeared to be roughly the same ages then that they are now. So I certainly hope that Helen moved across the country from wherever she lived before and got this community college gig specifically for Ian-stalking purposes.

Shoe, 4/26/22

Ha ha, yes, it’s funny because Roz is experiencing significant financial difficulties, but mostly I want to point out that her last name doesn’t appear on either the Shoe (comic) Wikipedia page or her character page on the official Shoe website. Either there’s some real deep lore held securely at MacNellyCo HQ that only the strip’s highly paid team of gag writers are allowed to access, or today’s gag writer just decided to call an audible and BAM! “Roz Specklehen” is canon now! Who says you can’t make your mark in this world?

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/17/22

If you went back from the Funkypresent to the Funkypast with a medically minded mission, you would probably tell young Lisa to get frequent breast cancer screenings and also to make sure all her providers triple-check the paperwork on her tests, because you’re a damn sentimentalist. Me? I’d be doing some research on what happened to all the Funkyverse’s kids’ skulls during their young adulthood. Seriously, look at teen Lisa! She has no chin to speak of! Young adult Lisa? A small but distinctly pointy little chin! Maybe she got one of those chin implants in the ’80s that turned out to be carcinogenic?

Shoe, 4/17/22

Just a reminder that while the bird-world of Shoe may be similar to ours in matters of religion, its employment landscape is very different. For instance, in this universe, the government as an entire agency dedicated to creating terrible puns that annoy everyone, funded by bird tax dollars! Honestly, this is the world I want to live in, I don’t care if I have to walk carefully along tree limbs to get anywhere, just get me one of those sweet, sweet punemployment jobs with a good punsion.

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The Lockhorns, 4/14/22

Really loving Loretta’s expression here. Instead of starting a sentence to sound like a compliment but twisting it into a cruel taunt by the end, as is his wont, Leroy has instead simply started a sentence to sound like a compliment only to use it as a springboard for some dumb bit of wordplay he thought up during dinnertime’s customary icy silence, and frankly, she can’t figure out how to feel about that. With the cruel taunt, at least she knows he’s thinking about her.

Marvin, 4/14/22

The phrase “social distancing” rocketed to the top of the public’s mind roughly two years ago in the opening stages of the COVID-19 pandemic, and I don’t know what possibility is sadder: that it took the Marvin creative team that much time to come up with the extremely terrible “smell distancing” variation (it doesn’t even have the same number of syllables, Jesus Christ) or that they came up with it right away but only now have decided that it’s no longer “too soon.”

Judge Parker, 4/14/22

Hey, remember the “April hides out with her family” plotline in Judge Parker that was so boring that I barely ever mentioned it on this blog, which exists entirely to crack wise about the boring antics in the world comic strips? Well, apparently within the Parkerverse it’s was so exciting that it’ll merit building a whole season of streaming TV around it.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/14/22

You know what is exciting, for the moment? The current Rex Morgan, M.D., plot! Ha ha, goading a street tough into saying “What’re you going to do — hit me with that broom?” and then immediately hitting him with that broom is a very funny bit and I approve. Mind you, it doesn’t look like our hero’s hitting him particularly hard, but in his defense he is nursing a shoulder injury.

Shoe, 4/14/22

OH MY GOD THERE ARE BIRD JEWS EVERYBODY

JEWS