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Panel from Slylock Fox, 3/6/22

Look, Slylock Fox may be a comic about a fox detective who uses the powers of ratiocination and species stereotyping to maintain the authority of an unaccountable police state, but it’s also, as its full title clearly states, a comic for kids. Therefore, the characters have to set good examples for the young people today. For instance, are your children considering tunneling into an ancient and possibly cursed tomb somewhere along the Nile? Make sure you get permission from Egyptian Minister for Tourism and Antiquities Khaled El-Anany first! Remember to tomb-raid responsibly — and don’t leave anachronistic objects behind, as they definitely ruin the vibe.

Shoe, 3/6/22

So, he’s afraid he’ll be viciously attacked physically and possibly torn to bits? Maybe this is overly “politically correct,” but I’m going to say it: he should not go on this date! It doesn’t sound fun at all!

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Shoe, 3/5/22

Look, I’m not saying the creators of Shoe are trying to get us to think about the weird anatomical mechanics of their bird-man character’s asses — I am of course on the record as saying that they’ve actually forgotten that they’re birds entirely. But you have to admit that this strip features the absolutely perfect angle to remind you that, yes, the Perfesser has a huge plume of tail feathers, and that’s why he doesn’t wear pants, and then immediately hits you with his wacky story of sitting a gooey puddle of chocolate. I don’t care for it.

Mary Worth, 3/5/22

Oh my gosh, it looks like we’ve found our plot’s villain, everybody! It’s this woman who’s watching Toby and Cal’s ham-handed flirting with cold, detached disapproval. Not sure which possibility is funnier: that she’s Santa Royale Community College’s designated #metoo officer and she’s going to cancel the living daylights out of Toby, or she’s a literature prof who’s met Ian at conferences and always had an eye on him, and now that his hussy younger wife is flinging herself at some teenager she sees a chance to make her move.

Gil Thorp, 3/5/22

“…to inject me with the EXPERIMENTAL SUPER SERUM”

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Blondie, 1/27/22

Definitely my favorite character in today’s Blondie is Dagwood’s nameless co-worker, who’s just sipping his coffee and watching Dagwood post to Sandwichr, the social network for sandwiches and those who love them. Sure, it’s not that much fun to see someone else typing on the computer, but it kills some time, and Dagwood’s bound to say something wacky eventually, right? Anyway, despite what we’ve been led to believe by this strip, I think Mr. Dithers might be a little too lenient on his employees, actually.

Shoe, 1/27/22

Say what you will about the uncanny parody of human society that these sapient birds are acting out in the treetops here, but given that Roz has not only had a car accident but gone through an entire legal settlement process in the time since she saw the Perfesser last — and given how frequently he has lunch there, that can’t have been more than 48 hours or so — their legal system must be incredibly efficient.

Mary Worth, 1/27/22

Oh my God did this MFer really not make a phone call home as soon as he could and instead just decided to “surprise” all his friends and family by not being dead??? I certainly hope he’s about to start rapping out a truly awful parody of the Beastie Boys’ “Hey Ladies” with lyrics he wrote about his escape from death, obliterating any sense of goodwill any of the aforementioned ladies feel towards him.