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Dennis the Menace, 1/22/23

One of the biggest transformations in American life over the last generation is that children — including ones who are surprisingly old, or at least surprisingly old to me, a non-parent — have to be strapped into car seats in order to go anywhere. I remember being kind of smug when hearing that the Kids Today can’t go a long car ride without being entertained by a screen of some sort, but then I realized that unlike me at that age, these kids are essentially immobilized for hours at a time, so what can you expect? Anyway, newspaper comics are created by and/or cater to the aesthetic tastes and nostalgia of Boomers and older Gen Xers, so it makes sense that Dennis, a child who is absolutely small enough be in a car seat, is not in a car seat in this comic, even though Henry’s phone places the scene squarely in the present. At least he’s in the back seat, so he won’t be killed instantly by the airbag triggered when Henry inevitably drives into a tree while futzing with the GPS.

Shoe, 1/22/23

Shoe and the Perfersser make up the entirety of the Treetops Tattler’s editorial staff, so it seems a little weird that they’re both in court to cover this story. But it’s not every day you get to see an old man sentenced to die in prison, I guess.

Family Circus, 1/22/23

Literacy, everyone! It’s what transforms you from the idiot dipshit in the first two panels to the smug little fucker in the final one. Learn to read, why don’t ya!

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Shoe, 1/15/23

Sometimes when you have a longrunning media franchise like the syndicated newspaper comic strip Shoe, you have to occasionally recapitulate the basics to make sure your newer readers understand the nuances of the world-building. Like, today, for instance: the message here is that this is Shoe, the title character, and he’s kind of an asshole; it’s important that you know that and that’s why here’s no “joke” or anything. Maybe tomorrow they’ll do the strip I’ve been waiting more than 30 years for, the one where they explain why everyone’s a bird-person.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 1/15/23

Look, I’ve been making fun of how this week’s Rex Morgan has been even more boring than usual, but if June’s non-adventures end up delaying her by the crucial fifteen minutes that’s apparently all that ever stands between a normal evening at the Morgans and one where the hungry children violently rise up against Rex and eat him, then it frankly will have been all worth it.

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Shoe, 12/9/22

I suppose it’s possible that immediately before the action we see here in the strip, Loon was pridefully boasting of his achievements or good qualities to this bird-priest and earned this stern rebuke. But his posture (slouched, staring off into the middle distance, seemingly unaware that the bird-priest is even there) makes me doubt that. From context, it seems like this clergybird is just quoting (misquoting, actually) judgemental bible verses at random. If this is the state of bird Christianity, it’s no wonder that bird Judaism is flourishing.

Judge Parker, 12/9/22

This dude in the vest is some former Sam Driver client whose name I can’t be bothered to remember or look up and who now serves as his guide through the seedy Cavelton criminal underworld. He says it’s too dangerous for him to tell Sam the details he needs, but fortunately for Sam and us he simply cannot let an exposition-prompt such as “like they went after Judge Duncan” pass him by. Sure he could’ve just said “Yep!” while smiling tightly, but who could resist the chance to dish out “Oh, you mean Judge Meth-Head, the judge who loves to buy meth?” gossip to someone who clearly hasn’t heard it yet.

Gil Thorp, 12/9/2

“Look at that! Oh, right, you can’t, because nobody drew it. Well, take our word for it, it was pretty cool.”