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Shoe, 3/21/21

You have to respect the absolute dedication that went into the production of today’s Shoe. For instance, someone at the syndicate presumably informed whoever thought up the joke that, no, society has not degraded so much that we can just print “cover your ass” in our talking bird funny-strip in mainstream newspapers. Did that deter them from soldiering on, even though the bowdlerized version of the phrase isn’t in common use at all? No, no it did not. Then, presumably, there came a point where the artist realized that, due to the long-established character design and the viewing angle chosen for the second panel of the strip, Shoe and the Perfesser’s tail feathers would be clearly visible. Now, you’re probably asking yourself: are the tail feathers themselves the analogue to the “ass” (or “rear”) of the common phrase, or do they themselves do the work of covering one’s ass/rear (which in this interpretation is the cloaca, I guess)? An interesting philosophical question, to be sure, but either answer renders the whole joke completely and obviously pointless. And yet, nevertheless, the Shoe creative team persisted. I for one think that’s beautiful, in its own way.

Family Circus, 3/21/21

One of the fundamental problems with long-running franchises and “cinematic universes” is that each new individual story adds a layer of canon that must be taken into account by future stories, and while I like to argue about Star Trek chronology and uniform design as much as the next nerd, I have come to sympathize with how this restricts the freedom of storytellers to produce an engaging narrative. That said, there are some lines that I feel strongly should not be crossed, no matter how entertaining the result. For instance, if there’s one thing we know from reading the Family Circus for decades, it’s that Jeffy does not understand the concept of object permanence.

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Blondie, 3/16/21

I know it can be hard to remember, since his character design is “Dagwood but with slightly smaller antenna and more normal clothes,” but Alexander is supposed to be a teenager! You’d definitely would definitely never get that from today’s strip by itself, since if there’s one thing teenagers don’t do very often, it’s praise old-timey TV genres that are being watched by their dad but in real life would be mostly enjoyed by people thirty years older than their dad. They’re not real observant about cleanliness, either, in my experience!

Shoe, 3/16/21

This strip got me thinking not so much about Roz’s love life as it did about the justice system established by and for the bird-people of Shoe. Specifically, I wondered, what form of execution is visited upon avian-human hybrids sentenced to death for their transgressions? Then I remembered that this has already been answered: the most heinous bird-criminals are cooked and eaten.

Judge Parker, 3/16/21

It has come to our attention that we recently hinted that something interesting, or at least violent, was about to happen in Judge Parker. We sincerely regret the error and invite you to sit back and enjoy this strip’s upcoming long and detailed look into the tax issues that can arise from converting residential or agricultural property to commercial use.

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Beetle Bailey, 3/10/21

I generally don’t put too much stock into Beetle Bailey facial expressions — like, for instance, today I assume that Private Blips here is sporting Private Blips Clip Art Face #5 and isn’t supposed be expressing any specific emotion. But I would like to think that she’s experiencing a moment of genuine wonder because, after thinking about a question she’d never really dwelled on before, she’s finally realized what sort of person she wants to be: a person who marries and then divorces men for their money. Self-knowledge can be difficult to obtain, but is ultimately rewarding!

Shoe, 3/10/21

Speaking of over-interpreting facial expressions, I’m hoping the Perfesser’s wide, shocked eyes come before Biz’s explanation, because he was briefly worried that the old bird-man was trapped in some kind of time loop, reaching his milestone 100th year each day, then being reset by 24 hours while he sleeps so he can experience it all over again when he wakes up the next morning, like running on an eternal treadmill on the precipice of death.

Funky Winkerbean, 3/10/21

Hey, did you enjoy the Funky Winkerbean plot where Cindy was convinced Mason was cheating on her, for no real reason, because women be jealous, amiright? No? Well, I have some bad news for you about Jess, Darrin, and some sitcom-style misunderstood overheard conversations!