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Spider-Man, 5/15/15

In a world where superheroes are real, would superhero-themed movies and comics be as popular as they are in our sadly superhero-free world? I’m sure this theme has been explored numerous times in various comic series (the subplot in Watchmen involving the popularity of pirate-themed comic books in a world full of costumed vigilantes to mind), but in Newspaper Spider-Man, it seems that superhero films are small but profitable direct-to-DVD flicks rather than billion-dollar tentpoles that studios build their release calendar around. The fact that superheroes themselves work in said films as stuntpersons is an interesting twist, and a telling statement on the economics of crime-fighting. At least Mary Jane actually has a stunt double this time around; remember, in the first Marvella, they shot a fight scene by just having her and her main antagonist actually beat the crap out of each other in a single, unmic’d take.

Beetle Bailey, 5/15/15

This fairly shocking image of a heap of mangled corpses of enlisted men at the bottom of a ravine, sent there by the careless mistake of a feckless officer, is a brutal indictment of the way the safe, insulated ruling classes worldwide use the bodies of the poor to advance their own inter — wait, what’s that? This is Beetle Bailey? Never mind, that can’t be what’s happening here. Ha ha, it’s funny because Lt. Fuzz is bad at giving orders!

Six Chix, 5/15/15

Thanks for the warning, lady, but just look at the tiny, tiny leggings your elder is about to try on. She was dancing at Studio 54 in skintight pants when you were still in diapers, so don’t you complain to her about fashion!

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6 Chix, 4/28/15

Wait, what’s the difference between the “professional” and the mom here? They look the same! Shouldn’t the rejected mom be the sad one? Or is that the mom way over on the end of the branch? Maybe the mom is the happy drunk, and the sad one at the end of the branch is an editor? Maybe these guys wandered in from Shoe, and they’re all sad, drunk editors? I bet that’s it.

Apartment 3-G, 4/28/15

Oh look, it’s fake psychic Diane, here played by beloved roommate figure Tommie Thompson. Gabby — Gabriella — is Margo’s birthmom and a sometime fake psychic herself, all dressed up to receive her surprise midnight visitor. In panel two, she speaks for us all.

And I know I speak for us all when I say, “WILL YOU PEOPLE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STAND STILL?!!”

Crock, 4/28/15

The long-awaited Crock/Pluggers crossover. You thirsty, Andy Bear? Just wait.

Faithful readers! I’m outta here — Josh returns tomorrow, rested, refreshed, and ready. Thanks for a fun week-and-some; see you next time!

— Uncle Lumpy

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Six Chix, 4/16/15

I genuinely love both the sly expression this woman is wearing — “Oh, you clever capitalists, I see what you’re doing with this and while I don’t approve I can’t help but admire your cunning” — and the advertising slogan “NEW! YUMMY! EAT YOUR CUP!” which honestly should be the structure for the ad campaign for every new product ever introduced by anybody.

Heathcliff, 4/16/15

Yes, cats have learned to harness the power of the mighty oxen! Things are getting quite serious … indeed.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/16/15

GOD DAMN IT THE CORRECT PLURAL IS “AMAZING MISTERS SPONGE”