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Last week for pre-orders of my novel, everybody! Now that I’ve reached my Kickstarter goal, the thing will be produced, so you can always hold out for the finished product. But Kickstarter supporters will be the only ones who can get the hardback edition, or an e-book version sold outside of the DRM’d major distributors. So if those thing are of interest to you, check out the Kickstarter project page!

Slylock Fox, 7/23/12

You know, if I had a time machine, I’d probably do a lot of prep research before voyaging into the past, getting down all the details I could to make sure I go to just the right time and see the most awesome and interesting things … at least, for my first few trips. After that I imagine I’d get kind of sloppy, as one tends to do when things become old hat. Instead of going down to the library and spending hours figuring out the exact place and time where I could, say, catch Napoleon alone to have a few moment’s intimate conversation with him, I’d just hit Wikipedia real fast to make sure I have the date right and head off into history. I mean, whatever, everyone today just knows the Wright Brothers as “the Wright Brothers” and I just want to go sit out on the dunes with a cooler full of beer and watch them fly that crazy plane. I don’t really give a shit which one was at the controls, you know? It’s not like I’m going to get close enough to talk to them and, oh, I don’t know, alter the course of history and disrupt the timeline, Slylock.

Meanwhile, speaking of disruptions, why exactly is Slylock hanging out on the lawn of Count Weirdly’s mountaintop castle-lair with a bunch of kids and some tie-wearing duck? Were they planning on sneaking through Weirdly’s labs while the Count was away, forgetting that time travelers can always just return to the present moments after they left? Clearly Slylock has been caught off guard and decided to pull this “Loser can’t tell his Wright brothers apart” dick move to distract from his own misconduct.

Beetle Bailey, 7/22/12

“Puritanical” is not a word I usually associate with Private Bailey, but here he is, worrying about the coarsening effects of the Internet on our language, right as he’s getting punched in the throat.

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Dennis the Menace, 7/19/12

So, it’s pretty obvious that Mr. Wilson thought up this “bratwurst”/”worst brat” thing several weeks ago. The question is, how hard has he worked to make this moment happen? Because I can guarantee that the all the pieces didn’t just fall into place by themselves. My guess is that he suggested brats for dinner as early as this morning, then moved the sausage to somewhere unlikely in the fridge sometime after lunch, and made a request for Martha to start dinner just as he spotted Dennis on his way over. Even with everything as contrived as that, he’s got to be pleased by how well he threaded the needle and delivered his long-awaited bon mot just as Dennis opened the door.

Slylock, 7/19/12

Hmm, so it seems that Slylock can throw various creatures in prison for petty crimes based on circumstantial evidence, but when it comes to corporate pollution that could sicken thousands, all he can do is stand on the other side of the lake and watch the poison rise into the air. Perhaps his world and ours aren’t so different from one another? Except for the whole terrifying anthropomorphic animal thing, obviously.

Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/19/12

Do you enjoy solving Sudoku™ number puzzles, either in your local newspaper or in puzzle books you can buy at local bookstores and hobby shops? Well, now when you engage in this pastime, you’ll be thinking about the Sudoku puzzles having drunken sex with one another. Sorry!

Curtis, 7/19/12

Remember, the only thing Curtis likes more than money is serving his Demonic Majesty, Satan, Lord of Lies.

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Slylock Fox, 7/9/12

Because my brain doesn’t work the way one might want it to, I have a terrible time remembering my family’s birthdays without programming them into my phone’s calendar, but upon reading this strip I instantly remembered that it was the not the first Slylock Fox whose solution revolved around anteater toothlessness. At least this one’s an actual anteater! In a world of anthropomorphic animals, many of which are carnivores, I expect Slylock needs to resolve exactly this kind of dispute relatively frequently. “Waah, the birds ate my pet worms! Waaah, Cassandra Cat ate my sidekick!” This is what comes of overthrowing humanity, animal-rabble! Not the eating of other animals of course, but the ultimately unfulfillable sense that there ought to be some kind of justice to how it happens.

Shoe, 7/9/12

Shoe generally has its characters wildly overreact to punchlines with goggle eyes of horror, which makes the Perfesser’s numb, heavy-lidded stare in the second panel here all the sadder. “Yeah, I guess I should have expected that my attempt at serious emotional intimacy with a good friend — and my attempt to understand how other people find fulfillment in romantic relationships, something I’ve tried and failed at all my life — would be deflected with a dumb joke about HAW HAW AGING STRIKES TERROR INTO WOMEN’S HEARTS. Welp, back to silently dying inside!”

Spider-Man, 7/9/12

Speaking of facial expressions, it should have been obvious to everyone that Clown-9 is a crazed maniac bent on revenge against everyone who’s ever wronged him. Thus, I’m assuming that MJ’s look of shock in panel three is not a reaction to Peter’s suggestion that she might be on the target list, but is rather justified horror at the image in panel two of Peter making a sullen, hideous kissyface and jabbing a chunk of blackened meat at his lower lip.

Apartment 3-G, 7/9/12

I feel like I’ve been spending too much time dwelling on the weirdly off material in this storyline about attitudes towards and medical knowledge about childbirth, and not enough time discussing the fact that Tommie, Scott, and Nina are all wearing identical white shirts. So, Tommie, Scott, and Nina are wearing identical white shirts, everybody! Are they in a cult? Probably yes — specifically, a cult that practices human sacrifice via botched home births.

Crankshaft, 7/9/12

“Used to be you could make a gal cry by showing her your wang whenever you felt like it! Now you’ve gotta have one of them telephones you carry around with you, I guess.”