Post Content

Slylock Fox, 12/9/07

Oh, Cassandra! Your attempts to snare Slylock’s heart grow ever more transparent — and ever more pathetic. “Accidentally” leaving the heel of your shoe behind? Come on. Staring brightly ahead as you wear that prim little pastel outfit isn’t going to fool anyone.

Getting a lineup together in world shared by many kinds of sentient animal life isn’t easy, but the crew assembled by Officer Duck today is particularly motley. The two creatures of indeterminate species on either side of Cassandra look like they’re hoping that this will be their big chance to break into movies, or at least reality TV. If I were Slylock, I’d start looking into the background of the elephant lady at the far right — she looks guilty as hell, and presumably has got some kind of home counterfeiting business or meth lab set up back at her trailer. The pink-haired bunny, meanwhile, is way, way too stoned to care.

(If you wish Cassandra would “steal some files” from your “office”, you obviously need some Bob Weber Jr.-designed Cassandra Cat gear from the Comics Curmudgeon store!)

Crankshaft, 12/9/07

You might chalk this up as a garden-variety generation gap comic, but with young chinbeard and his sister watching their parents turn into their grandparents and worrying about turning into their parents in turn. But recall that the grandparents in question are rageaholic Crankshaft and the somehow even more loathsome Ukrainian hate machine. The kids probably thought that they’d at last be free once their grandparents kick off, but now are worried about enduring their post-transformation parents. Junior is right to look so terrified.

Family Circus, 12/9/07

Note the bit that I’ve highlighted. Billy is clearly in the “Anyone but Obama” camp for the 2008 elections.

Panels from Apartment 3-G, 12/9/07

Yeah, osmosis! Osmosis and time travel.

(Yes, I know there’s a neo-swing scene that’s alive and well today in New York and elsewhere — but the kids today out doing the Lindy Hop tend to be young hipsters like these. Tommie and Gary are soooo very much not hipsters; and I don’t care how old they’re supposed to be, I refuse to even qualify them as “young”.)

Panel from Shoe, 12/9/07

It’s not like I’m in love with the word “barmaid”, exactly; I just think “bartenderness” sounds kind of creepy. “Come on, baby, I’ve been lookin’ at you all night; show me a little bartenderness.”

Site meta-note: I’ve decided that I’m going to start doing the comment of the week/ad love posts on Monday instead of Sundays. I often don’t even get to Saturday’s comics until Sunday, and doing the Sunday strips takes me longer than usual because I can’t easily see them all at once on the Chronicle site, so often doing blog work eats up a good chunk of what oughtta be a weekend day of rest and relaxation! So, Trilobite’s comment gets an extra day of glory thanks to the shift.

Post Content

Apartment 3-G, 12/6/07

Oh, Margo! A single cutting remark from you sends my heart a-flutter more than any dopey six-week lead-up to Tommie getting to first base! And I’ve never loved you more than I do in today’s first panel. “Looking out for each other? Being loving and supportive in a family environment? That frankly strikes me as a lot of hassle. That’s why I alienate everyone who ever tries to love me — less work!” By panel three, Margo has adopted an expression of palpable scheming that’s equally hilarious. Many (including myself) have speculated that Margo will make Ruby her mule in her party-planning or art-displaying sweatshops, but now I think that our gal Magee is planning yet another career in the high-flying Manhattan service industry: she-pimp! “So, if Ruby was so happy to show affection to her family … for free … surely she’ll have no problem with showing affection … to strangers … for money!”

(Yes, I know that the English language already has in “madame” a perfectly serviceable word for a female who manages prostitutes. But I think the word “pimp” implies a certain callousness and propensity for violence that better suits Margo.)

Mary Worth, 12/6/07

Oh, Dr. Jeff, will you ever learn? You just got a response out of Mary that would allow you to extract some shred of dignity out of this conversation. Don’t push it. For the love of God, don’t push it. Mary’s comically exaggerated head-tilted finger-to-the-jawline contemplation pose is only going to end with her saying something blistering and humiliating.

For Better Or For Worse, 12/6/07

I actually kind of like Anthony’s “Are you going home?” question, because it implies that maybe, somehow, I know this is crazy, but just possibly two FBOFW characters who aren’t married and who aren’t terrible, awful whores might have sex! Oh, who am I kidding, they were just going to sit on the couch and chastely smooch on the lips. And those lips would be closed. And little Francie acted as an agent of a vengeful, pleasure-hating God of Foob and prevented even that. But it’s Anthony and Elizabeth and I don’t want anything good to happen to them anyway so I don’t really care.

Dennis the Menace, 12/6/07

So, wait, Margaret has a book lying around that’s essentially all about death? Maybe there’s hope for her yet.

Slylock Fox, 12/6/07

Man, you gotta feel bad for Count Weirdly. There are enough bizarre tchotchkes and strange animals in his lair to provide fodder for a scrambled word puzzle even if all he was doing was sitting around minding his own business and reading Famous Creeps. Instead, here comes Slylock and Max and some angry heron or something busting in to ruin his quiet evening with more wild accusations. Since there’s no mystery to solve, his crime is probably much more straightforward than usual — like, maybe he just exposed himself to her down at the park or something.

Garfield, 12/6/07

NEWSFLASH: COMICS CURMUDGEON CHUCKLES AT GARFIELD, QUESTIONS HIS WHOLE CONCEPT OF HOW THE UNIVERSE WORKS

Post Content

Archie, 11/30/07

Sure, I’m disturbed by the mysterious appearance of the word “GLOM!”, apparently written in mayonnaise and floating in mid-air, in panel two. We all are. But equally troubling is panel one, in which Jughead’s arms are invisible because he appears to be wearing some kind of barber’s smock. Does standard-issue gluttony no longer hold any appeal for our be-crowned slacker? In order to entertain himself, does he need to set little challenges — like, say, grabbing his best friend’s hamburger off his plate using nothing but his face? If so, be glad that GLOM is all we’re seeing in that second panel.

Slylock Fox, 11/30/07

I’m not smart enough to unscramble the items listed here that accompany Slylock’s little How To Be A Nosey Detective Who Offers His Opinions To People Who Don’t Ask speech, but I can tell you that one thing you’re never going to be able to unscramble is MAX’S FACE if he doesn’t stop trying to bust a move on Sly’s woman. Honestly, as if the fact that she’s literally three times taller than him and his natural predator wasn’t bad enough.

Speaking of busting a move, I’m betting that the kid in the back with the bow tie and satisfied expression is quite the hit with the ladies.

Mark Trail, 11/30/07

“Yes, when you’re accused of a crime you didn’t commit, who can prove your innocence? You need Andy the dog, P.I.!”

…

“You’ve been hit with a murder rap, and now you’re looking life in the pen straight in the face! Who do you call? Andy the dog, Attorney at Law!”

…

Well, that’s it. There’s actually no way I can make this any sillier.

For Better Or For Worse, 11/30/07

“You know what might have proved it to them? If they had just been able to watch me sign books and make small talk for another half an hour. But now they don’t really have a sense of how awesome I am. Sometimes Deanna is so selfish!”