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Gil Thorp, 5/18/07

Gil Thorp continues to be unspeakably filthy. In panel one, Brynna “mishandles” Lisa’s “sinker,” if you know what I mean (and I think you do); as a result of that “collision,” her shoulder is sore the next day. Fortunately, she still has use of her right arm.

Hi and Lois, 5/18/07

Young Chip Flagston, sittin’ in a tree
down-load-ing porn-o-graph-y.

Mary Worth, 5/18/07

Mary loves her pithy little bits of advice, but there has to be some kind of internal house rule that a pearl of wisdom, once used, can never be repeated; that explains why, after 67 years in the meddling business, her sayings have gone from the helpful to the platitudinous to something at odds with everything we know about how time and space work. I don’t care how at peace you are with the past, people: you cannot astrally project yourself back in time and change what happened. Mary Worth is right in that white doctors shouldn’t trouble themselves with charity work in filthy foreign countries, but she’s off-base here.

Slylock Fox, 5/18/07

To me, the look on the dog’s face doesn’t say “lazy” so much as “has lost the will to live.”

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Heart of the City, 5/14/07

Heart’s worries are all too well-founded. When I was in sixth grade, I spilled a pot of boiling chicken soup on my foot while I was stirring it and had to go to the emergency room; I ended up with bandages around my foot for some weeks. My plan was to refer to the cause of my injury as “boiling water,” but I made the mistake of telling someone the real deal and was “noodle foot” for the remainder of the school year. What I’m trying to say, Heart, is that I only wish I had hurt myself doing something cool, like cheerleading practice.

Wait, I think that might have come out wrong.

Slylock Fox, 5/14/07

Ever felonious? Try ever sextaculous! Seriously, if Slylock Fox is part of some secret long-term plan to make kids more open and accepting of the lifestyle of furry fetishists, I’d say it’s scoring another point every time Cassandra Cat appears, especially if she keeps showing up in paradoxically prim-yet-sexy outfits like the turtleneck sweater/tartan combo she’s got on here.

The amount of time our fox/mouse detective duo spend tailing (ha ha, see what I did there?) Miss Cat probably indicates their forbidden lust for her more than their desire for justice. Max Mouse’s infatuation with the sinister feline is well known, so it should come as no surprise that he’s checking out a Krazy Kat collection, since that feature revolved around a cat in love with a cruel mouse tormentor — no doubt the reversal of the real-life situation soothes his tiny besotted bowler-covered brain. Slylock’s appearance here reminds me of another episode from my misspent youth: when I was in high school, I worked in the local branch of the public library, and one day a patron appeared who was apparently notorious for exposing himself in the reading room, and I was assigned to keep an eye on him and kick him out if he did anything funny. He mostly just sat there with the newspaper in his lap, though not with the disturbing look of preternatural alertness that Slylock is sporting here.

Mary Worth, 5/14/07

I can’t even begin to explain to you what the hell is going in the second panel. Is Mary about to demand a horsey ride from Vera? A horsey ride of meddling? In panel one, Vera is following the lesson she learned from hard experience — “be ever vigilant in guarding your crotch” — so Mary may have had no choice in going for the backside attack. But since Vera appears to still be sitting on the bench, what in God’s name has Mary done with her legs?

Gil Thorp, 5/14/07

If Clambake isn’t giving down-home, country-style prostate exams by the end of the week, I for one will be very disappointed.

Ziggy, 5/14/07

Ziggy is going to die from some kind of venereal disease.

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Herb and Jamaal, 5/7/07

I had pretty much written off the constant ambient friction between Herb and his mother-in-law as a true-to-life but still lame-as-narrative depiction of intergenerational extended family dynamics … that is, until today, when we get to see her relaxing over a smoldering cup of something or other and smiling blissfully as she reflects on the deaths of everyone else in her demographic cohort. I’m assuming that she probably killed all of them off one by one in single combat, a là the Highlander saga. THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!

I’m curious about the implement in her hand in panel two. If that’s supposed to be a toothbrush, I sure hope she can unhinge her jaw.

Sally Forth, 5/7/07

Cinematic foreshadowing alert: At the big banquet that will follow another inevitable losing season for Team Forth, Ted is going to beat his coaching nemesis to death with that bat.

Slylock Fox, 5/7/07

A lot of people hate on the obscure clues in Slylock Fox, but you know what? Not all mysteries are there to make you feel good and clever when you solve them. Sometimes they should challenge your brain, or even introduce you to new knowledge that you can take with you. Kids gotta learn the difference between oil-based paint and water-based paint sometime; why not in this harmless context, rather than during the brutal entrance exams for that elite private preschool you’ve got your eye on?

I’m more concerned about this strip’s relentless class-based hatred. Sure, Shady is nothing but Poor Shrew Trash, as you can tell by his broken window, prominently displayed sock, discarded chicken leg and fish skeleton, and various dark-nook-inhabiting beasties. But hey, he’s trying to get his house as nice looking as his neighbors with his latex paint, all right? The fact that the “good” neighbor is an elephant just makes the strip’s heavy-handed pro-Republican agenda more obvious.

By the way, don’t frogs breathe through their skin? Our aggrieved critter is going to be comically indignant for another minute or so, and then drop dead.

Mark Trail, 5/7/07

Sam Sam Sam Samantha Sam Sam Sam SAMANTHA Sam Sam Sam Sam Samantha Sam Sam Sam Samantha Hill Sam sam (Sam sam SAM HILL Sam) SAM Samantha Sam, Sam, Sam Hill, Sam largest breasts and bust-to-waist ratio ever to appear in Mark Trail Sam Sam Sam SAM.

Speaking of large breast-to-waist ratios: Pibgorn returns May 14th, and will be appearing at gocomics.com (aka the Universal Press Syndicate’s Web site). More information can be found on the Internet — specifically, the Brooke McEldowney’s blog part of the Internet.