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Judge Parker, 8/28/22

It’s excruciating watching poor Marie’s unspoken pleading as Abbey looks past and through her, slamming back those screwdrivers. “B-but this is my home, too, isn’t it? And you’re all my friends—my f-family, right?” At least Abbey has the grace to condescend to Marie’s “want it or think it” Junior Therapist schtick before checking out “Westin Resort Caribbean” on her phone while Marie fetches another screwdriver.

And final panel aside, Abbey won’t really scream: it would interfere with her talking, and this is Judge Parker.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/28/22

Welcome back to “Buck and Truck talk on the phone,” a continuing series.

Hey, isn’t “went off the grid and was presumed dead but came back” Truck‘s backstory? What if Mud Mountain Murphy—and every other Roots Country act—is actually just Truck Tyler through an Instagram filter, squishing up his mouth to sound a little different? It would explain Truck’s last-panel frustration at having to maintain the fiction in a live show! And it would reveal Buck as the masterm…. OK, I can’t finish.

Gotta say they missed an opportunity naming “Mud Mountain” Murphy: “Buck, Truck, and Muck” was right there.

Slylock Fox (panel), 8/28/22

“Why does Slylock Fox suspect Cassandra may be lying?” Because she’s Cassandra Cat, for crying out loud! She lies as she breathes, as Reeky Rat burgles, Shady Shrew pilfers, and Slick Smitty cons. And blue hair or no, she looks great doing it! Play your cards right and I bet she even springs for Meg’s Flea Dip special, you lucky fox!

–Uncle Lumpy

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 8/21/22

You ever think that Count Weirdly is just kind of greedy? I mean, he already has an extremely cool customized rocket-plane that’s already capable of outrunning Slylock’s fox-jet to his Antarctic lair (YES BECAUSE OF THE GROUND, YOU SEE, I GUESS WE’D USE A DIFFERENT WORD FOR THE UNDERSEA FLOOR). Getting the plans for another top secret plane just seems like it’s redundant. Will the new plane have bat wings? No? How cool could it possibly be, then?

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 8/21/22

Ironically, the only reason Loweezy had to pay a doctor’s bill in the first place is because Snuffy set himself on fire siphoning that gasoline out of a flatlander’s car. You really can’t get ahead in this economy!

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Mary Worth, 7/24/22

I am currently reading The End of Everything (Astrophysically Speaking), which I highly recommend if you want a more-or-less accessible intro to not just the end of the universe but the current state of scientific consensus on big-picture cosmology stuff. One of the parts that I find hardest to get my head around is what it means to say “the universe is expanding,” which it is, and if I’m understanding things right this doesn’t just mean that individual stellar objects are continuing to move outward from the Big Bang origin point into the void, but that the fabric of spacetime itself is in some sense spreading out.

Weirdly, I might’ve just gotten a little insight into this from today’s Mary Worth. Throughout this Jared-Dawn horrorshow, there’s been some discourse on this blog as to whether Jared or Dawn has the greater claim to be the wronged party and/or history’s greatest monster. But only today — in which we learn that Jared can never truly commit to Jess by smooching her until his ex, whom he dumped, agrees to be friends with him, and this will become the central engine of the remainder of the drama here — did I realize that it’s actually the narrative fabric of the universe they inhabit itself that’s at fault here. This takes a real load off my mind, honestly! Jared and Dawn can no more stop sucking than distant galaxies can stop hurtling away from us into infinite space (which they probably can’t, since according to the book most people now no longer believe in the Big Crunch hypothesis).

Slylock Fox, 7/24/22

Ahh, isn’t this a pleasant rooftop scene! Everyone enjoying snacks and beverages, Slylock flirting the only way he knows how (by posing elementary logic puzzles, a little too eagerly), and … what’s this? Notorious sad drunk McGruff the Crime Dog, just sitting there silently watching the proceedings? Has he been invited to the gathering out of pity, or did he just stumble up to the rooftop for a weekend suicide attempt and decided to act casual about it?

Dennis the Menace, 7/24/22

I’m just gonna say it, Dennis: that isn’t a very good question at all. Do better next time.