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Slylock Fox, 9/7/22 (panel)

Well, you could find all the S-words. Alternatively, you could assign names beginning with the letter S to all the elements: Siamese, sycamore, stratus, sun, starling, shack: try it!

Slylock‘s original premise seems rooted in the ancient gnostic belief that knowing the “true names” of things and beings confers power over them. You could give that a try, too, and maybe acquire godlike power over the stuff in today’s episode of Slylock Fox and Comics for Kids. For which, congratulations, I guess.

Gil Thorp, 9/7/22

Wow, the plot developments in the new Gil Thorp are coming thick and fast. Here we learn that the Thorps’ impending divorce has less to do with Gil’s roving eye or frequent absences and more with Mimi’s long-suppressed LPGA dreams. Which I could really get into, except Mimi’s Mom is wearing Gil’s face and it’s creeping me out.

Luann, 9/7/22

It’s an iron law in comics that nothing must ever change. Calvin and Dennis must stay five forever; Marvin never leave his diaper; Charlie Brown never grow up. When a cartoonist slips up in the name of “progress” or “development,” all hell breaks loose. Characters in real-time strips like For Better or for Worse or Gasoline Alley age out of their cute zones into boring adults or, eventually, horrifying rattletraps like century-and-change Walt Wallet. The famous time-skip in Funky Winkerbean tried to shift focus to sons and daughters, failed, and went back to its increasingly creaky main cast.

So it is with Luann‘s post-graduation stories. A few characters got cashiered outright: Knute, Crystal, Mr. Fogarty. But with some obvious substitutions—ethnic ciphers Dez and Bets for ethnic ciphers Delta and Rosa—the cast and plots are the same, except for Tiffany here. She literally grew out of her “shallow, pretty cheerleader” role when she gained weight “dealing with depression” in 2017. So, in classic Darwinian fashion, here comes Stef to occupy her niche. The strip is now working hard to throw her a lifeline with a “poor little rich girl” role. Hold onto it, Tiff—hold on for dear life. The shadow of Walt Wallet looms large.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/7/22

Buck! Buck! All is forgiven! Come back Buck, please! Buuuuuuuuuuuuck!

–Uncle Lumpy

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“Hello kids, and welcome back to World of Animals — I’m your beloved host, Carl. Well, it seems like it’s been forever, so let’s all catch up — on fascinating Nature Facts from the wonderful World of Animals!”

Family Circus, 9/4/22

“I guess they call them ‘charismatic megafauna’ because they hog all the damn attention! Even out of the mind of babes it’s pretty much mammal, mammal, mammal, except for that ridiculous bug. Barfy there seems as peeved as I am about this: Reptiles are creatures, too!“

Mark Trail, 9/4/22

“‘Armored body,’ indeed—it looks like somebody is trying to grab a little of that turtle élan. And everybody knows leprosy is just the poor mammal’s salmonella. How would you like it if we reptiles put on hair and pretended to be like you?”

“Not much, I bet!”

Phantom, 9/4/22 (panel)

“Now, I’m not saying mammals don’t have their uses—like, say, if you’re a dead guy trying to guard the tomb of a different dead guy.”

Slylock Fox, 9/4/22 (panel)

“But if you want a real pal—to light your way in the darkness, sound the alarm, or take care of the kids—you can’t go wrong with Class Reptilia. It’s true!

Thank you for your kind attention.

— Turtle Carl

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Judge Parker, 8/28/22

It’s excruciating watching poor Marie’s unspoken pleading as Abbey looks past and through her, slamming back those screwdrivers. “B-but this is my home, too, isn’t it? And you’re all my friends—my f-family, right?” At least Abbey has the grace to condescend to Marie’s “want it or think it” Junior Therapist schtick before checking out “Westin Resort Caribbean” on her phone while Marie fetches another screwdriver.

And final panel aside, Abbey won’t really scream: it would interfere with her talking, and this is Judge Parker.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 8/28/22

Welcome back to “Buck and Truck talk on the phone,” a continuing series.

Hey, isn’t “went off the grid and was presumed dead but came back” Truck‘s backstory? What if Mud Mountain Murphy—and every other Roots Country act—is actually just Truck Tyler through an Instagram filter, squishing up his mouth to sound a little different? It would explain Truck’s last-panel frustration at having to maintain the fiction in a live show! And it would reveal Buck as the masterm…. OK, I can’t finish.

Gotta say they missed an opportunity naming “Mud Mountain” Murphy: “Buck, Truck, and Muck” was right there.

Slylock Fox (panel), 8/28/22

“Why does Slylock Fox suspect Cassandra may be lying?” Because she’s Cassandra Cat, for crying out loud! She lies as she breathes, as Reeky Rat burgles, Shady Shrew pilfers, and Slick Smitty cons. And blue hair or no, she looks great doing it! Play your cards right and I bet she even springs for Meg’s Flea Dip special, you lucky fox!

–Uncle Lumpy