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Blondie, 10/19/15

Ha ha, kids today with their crazy indecipherable nonsense phrases, amiright? “What’s cracking,” which something that literally my grandfather said? “Wassap” and “Howzit,” which which are wholly transparent contractions of extremely common English turns of phrase? Who exactly is this Blondie catering to? Space aliens who are angry that a language dataset composed entirely of academic prose didn’t prepare them for the reality of conversation with English-speaking humans?

Gil Thorp, 10/19/15

Hmm, Mimi, you say this isn’t about some long-ago Gil-fulcrumed love triangle, yet you seem awfully eager to flash your wedding ring in your erstwhile rival’s face, don’t you? Or at least that’s what the producers of Welcome Back, Carter hope to imply, by focusing their cameras right on your ring finger. This is great stuff! Really juicy! Viewers will go nuts!

Marvin, 10/19/15

I’m totally willing to accept the convention whereby preverbal infants in comic strips express fully formed sentences in thought-balloon form, for comedy’s sake. I’m less thrilled when multiple preverbal infants communicate with each other via words that appear in thought balloons. I’m particularly opposed to preverbal infants thought-ballooning to each other over the phone. What, can phones transmit psychic baby thoughtwaves as well as sounds now? It’s too much to suspend disbelief. (Also, nobody wants to hang out with Marvin, LOL)

Mary Worth, 10/19/15

Ha, I genuinely love that after hiding out in Mary’s apartment, Toby didn’t even bother to text her or anything to say “Things are great!” Nope, as soon as she and Ian realized they could continue to tolerate each other, she just stopped thinking about Mary altogether! Mary’s been reduced to lurking by the windows, hoping to catch a glimpse of the happy-ish couple just to make sure they didn’t murder each other.

Slylock Fox, 10/19/15

OH MY GOD SLYLOCK FOX IS JUST STRAIGHT-UP STEALING THINGS FROM COUNT WEIRDLY NOW

HOW IS SLYLOCK STILL THE GOOD GUY AND COUNT WEIRDLY THE BAD GUY IN THIS COMIC STRIP

AM I TAKING CRAZY PILLS HERE

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Slylock Fox, 10/5/15

Sapient animals: they’re just like us, except in the sense that they had to piece together the fundamentals of an entire civilization in a very brief period of time, mostly using the wreckage of the culture they destroyed during their quick and presumably violent uprising. They’ve done pretty well for themselves, having managed clothes and boats and such; but, unlike humanity, they haven’t developed the elaborate legal theory that would allow ownership of this treasure chest to be awarded on a basis a little firmer than whose footprints were on top of whose. Anyway, the first sentence of today’s solution tells us that the animals are already imitating our worst mindsets.

Hi and Lois, 10/5/15

Hi and Lois is part of a longstanding American tradition of gentle humor about the lives of our relatively affluent middle class. Anyway, in today’s strip we learn that those lives are rife with anxiety, all the time.

Six Chix, 10/5/15

Speaking of animal uprisings, I’m not really sure what’s going on here, but to me the most unsettling thing is that these dogs are in a bed. Do you think these perverts were doing it “human style”? Disgusting.

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Panel from Slylock Fox, 9/27/15

Oh, look who’s suddenly the defender of strict laws regulating who can and cannot engage in genetic experimentation: it’s unnatural bipedal fox-abomination Slylock Fox! Slylock probably owes his very existence to Count Weirdly’s scientific advances, so I’m sorry, I think the Count and Wanda ought to be allowed to artificially create more humans via cloning, if only to restore some balance to this nightmare-world.

Apartment 3-G, 9/27/15

As usual, Sunday’s Apartment 3-G is just a rehash of what happened over the course of the week, but I feel there are a couple things worth pointing out. First of all, Tommie and Eric spend five panels outside, then very abruptly spend a panel inside before just as suddenly being outside again. More importantly, though, Tommie’s “plan” is hilariously moronic. I mean, I know she’s just trying to be inspirational, but still. “OK, here’s how we succeed. Step 1: we don’t fail. And that’s it! That’s literally all we need!”