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Mary Worth, 5/16/18

“Doctor, I have some things to get off my chest… I want to talk about the women in my life! Iris … Fabiana … Dawn, who it will probably squick you out that I put her in the same category as the first two but you ain’t heard nothing yet … and Wendy, the elusive Wendy. I want her, I need her wisdom, but she’s always … just out of reach. Is it possible to love a woman who doesn’t exist? To make love to a syndicated advice column persona? Will I have to quit writing the column in order to consummate my life, and also purchase some elaborate VR equipment?”

Crankshaft, 5/16/18

Very briefly I thought that Crankshaft’s adventure in this mysteriously hostile and empty bank was supposed to be taking place in some kind of empty parallel dimension, like the Upside-Down from Stranger Things, and that he had been exiled from our reality as part of a twisted science experiment gone actually right, for once. But then I spotted the little triangles in the corner of the first frame, denoting that we should be thinking of it as a photo in an old-timey album, an affectation that used to call us back to the distant past in this strip when Crankshaft was young, but now just means “time that took place at some previous to the current narrative, perhaps as little as a week ago.”

Mark Trail, 5/16/18

Oh, wow, I apologize for saying yesterday that Mark was going to brutally pummel this poor schmo with nature facts. Nope, our hero will just sassily waggle his weirdly tiny index finger at him and get on with the business of whale-saving. Still, I’ve got to imagine that some day — he won’t know when, but the day will come — this gruff tourist will awake and find himself strapped to chair, forced to watch Mark Trail Sunday strip full of nature facts after Mark Trail Sunday strip full of nature facts, his eyelids pried open Ludovico Technique-style.

Spider-Man, 5/16/18

Oh, boy, it’s Spider-Man vs. the TSA, that recurring Newspaper Spider-Man plot point beloved by everyone somebody, somewhere presumably. Anyway, Peter is nervous about his secret identity being blown, as usual, but presumably they’re just about to pull out something really embarrassing, like a canister of cotton-candy flavored vape juice that’s over the legal 3 ounces.

Dennis the Menace, 5/16/18

The only thing menaced by Dennis is the oppressive machinery of the modern state. NO GODS NO MASTERS

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Crankshaft, 5/10/18

The “town moms prepare to do battle with Crankshaft, because he’s so bad at his job and contemptuous of the public that he makes their lives miserable in innumerable ways” sequence is an annual strip staple, though I believe this is the first time we’ve seen one of the mothers training to punch Crankshaft in the face until she’s physically exhausted.

Mark Trail, 5/10/18

Just putting this out there: have we ever seen any indication that the Trail family cabin has modern HVAC, or indeed indoor plumbing? I feel like Mark is protesting a little too much here for the benefit of his Mexican cabbie. “Boy! No power, no air conditioning … no showers, which are all things that, uh, I definitely use on a daily basis and know how to operate, in America.”

Spider-Man, 5/10/18

Gentlemen, you could, uh, put some shirts on? Now that you’re not transforming into horrible monsters? And maybe change into some non-tattered pants? No pressure, you don’t have to, but, you know, you could.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/10/18

REX MORGAN, M.D.: SPINE-TINGLING TALES OF SCHEDULING DISAPPOINTMENTS!!!!

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Mark Trail, 5/7/18

Have I plugged my novel lately? Is it possible that I have relatively new readers who aren’t even aware that I wrote a novel? Horrors! Guys, I wrote a novel, called The Enthusiast, that’s about a mysterious marketing agency that tries to drum up enthusiasm for products and projects and abstract concepts, and you can buy it where books are sold, though you’re probably after the Amazon link, aren’t you? ANYHOO, a lot of the book revolves around obsessive fan communities, specifically fans of old soap opera comic strips, something you could guess I know a little bit about, and railfans who are really into subways, something you might not know that I’m similarly into but I am! Where I’m going with this, other trying to boost enthusiasm for something I’m selling within my own content in an act of meta-marketing, is that I’m “in the know” enough to be aware that adjacent to train obsessives you have your airplane obsessives, and Rusty seems to be on his way to becoming one. Sure, most of them are into spotting different kinds of planes and detailing their flight experiences on different airlines, but I’m sure there are whole Internet message boards to serve those who, like Rusty, are fixated on the relative size of various airports and of the crowds of people who use them. You do you, Rusty! Never be embarrassed about the things you think are interesting!

Spider-Man, 5/7/18

I’m not going to lie, my entire knowledge of the Hulk comes from the occasional Marvel Cinematic Universe movie I see, but … is it really part of the canon that, when he’s in non-Hulk form, he leaves the scene by just, like, swimming off shirtlessly or whatever. Can that be right? It seems like that can’t be right.

Funky Winkerbean, 5/7/18

Here’s today’s Funky Winkerbean, in which some poor sap can’t figure out if Les is named “Les Moore” or “Legacy Trilogy,” and Les does not seem very interested in helping him figure it out!